Those that have/had FWB
Moe4572
Posts: 1,428 Member
So I understand what FWB is...clearly, however how do you set things up? Do you just call when you are "in the mood" for them? Do you have "standing date"? Do you just assume you will hang out with them in group, but know they are the one you are going home with provided no newcomer (on either side) "intrudes"?
I am asking because I have a guy I know....he is looking for this situation--I told him that, mentally I can't do FWB--will get too attached, want the emotional connection, etc, etc. But he keeps asking and always "checks in" on Thursdays.......so if this was to happen, assuming would be a Thursday night thing--he doesn't have his kids on Thursdays.
Just curious...........
I am asking because I have a guy I know....he is looking for this situation--I told him that, mentally I can't do FWB--will get too attached, want the emotional connection, etc, etc. But he keeps asking and always "checks in" on Thursdays.......so if this was to happen, assuming would be a Thursday night thing--he doesn't have his kids on Thursdays.
Just curious...........
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* crackes knucless*
YOu rang lol
Ok first of all no 2 FWB senerios are alike. However I find that some general guidelines work...
One of us texts the other, no standing "dates " because you are not together....... We would either be like hey wanna go have some drinks or wanna come over and watch a movie .....
If we met up somewhere unplanned and neither of us was "with " someone else I would just look at them or He at I and say you coming over after?
I like to let my FWB sleep over because then you get more mileage out of them lol....and lets be honest its nice to cuddle after hot jungle monkey sex
And never assume it makes an *kitten* out of you and me lol ..Set guidelines and keep to them remember your not together so there is no reason not to date or go out with other people ........Or have more then 1 FWB :bigsmile: which does help with keeping the deeper emotions out of it0 -
I agree with what jenbit says.
my fwb and I did have a set date when my daughter was young and still living at home, it was easier that way, every Wed. my daughter had religious ed classes for an hour and half and every wed me fwb and I met up for that hour and half. Now one of us will just text the other to see if we can hook up.
You have to keep in mind too that there can be weeks or months without any contact, because one of you may be trying out a new relationship.0 -
I have thought about this scenario or casual dating on a few occasions... ie - wouldn't it just be easier to have a casual boyfriend without all the expectations, hype, overthinking.. blah blah.... or a FWB, but I don't think I could do it without falling for the guy. I want that emotional connection, I want to be married, in a devoted/loving relationship... so why torture myself doing something that ultimately I don't want long term...??? unless you did it until you found the one? I don't know, for me it seems to risky!
ETA: There was the gambling ex I slept with a few times, but becuase I KNEW I couldn't be with him it was ok... or seemed so in my head... but unless I sleep with exes LOL!!!! I just don't know...0 -
I don't think I could do it without falling for the guy. I want that emotional connection, I want to be married, in a devoted/loving relationship
Agree 100%.
Not downing anyone with a FWB, but I have no idea how you can do it...0 -
Not downing anyone with a FWB, but I have no idea how you can do it...
FWB isn't for everyone, it's about what you want out of life. I have never seen myself married. I wasn't one of those girls who dreamed and planned their perfect wedding when they were young. I don't date just for the sake of being a couple, I'm perfectly happy being single, but there are needs.
I've had a fwb off and on for 12 yrs. We both think alike, don't like all the drama and expectations that go along with dating and honestly, we are both so quirky that I don't see us together in a full relationship.0 -
I don't know how people can have FWB without getting attached. I am a virgin, and sex is a big deal to me. I just don't want to give my body to someone who really doesn't value me as a long term prospect. To each its own though! Not judging...!0
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There are no rules. Just make your own up to suit you both.
For me, it's always in the context of a 'date' and a sleep over. Contact could be once a week or once in 3 months. It just depends if you're both free.
But really, if you prefer a weekly encounter without the trimmings, then if you're both happy with that, cool :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't know how people can have FWB without getting attached. I am a virgin, and sex is a big deal to me. I just don't want to give my body to someone who really doesn't value me as a long term prospect. To each its own though! Not judging...!
I had someone ask me how I could have a FWB , that if the guy was a friend and I was willing to sleep with him why wouldn't I date him..... The answer is simple there are alot of things that dont bother you about friends but you know if you dated that person it would drive you absoulutly insane...... And something I have noticed with FWB they tend to be very good lovers mayhap because they are friends and are concerned about your feelings. but also cause they know you ,they've heard you compliants , they heard your triggers and know the stuff you like. Or they will take the time ot find out. FWB are rarely selfish lovers atleast in my experience0 -
Usually if someone wants regular sex with myself they will send a request letter explaining why I should accept and a list sexual desires that they wish to be fulfilled, a very recent document proving that they are disease free ( proof is expected each month or the contract is terminated). And if I accept scheduled times are made ( hours though are flexible for some).0
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Never, ever thought I could separate emotion from sex and be with someone and not want to date them. Only in the last 6 months has this changed. Turns out I so far am more sexually compatible with people I don't want to date....and it is surprisingly freeing to have complete and utter control over my sexuality, without it being tied to a relarionship or his ego or our mutual expectations.0
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Never, ever thought I could separate emotion from sex and be with someone and not want to date them. Only in the last 6 months has this changed. Turns out I so far am more sexually compatible with people I don't want to date....and it is surprisingly freeing to have complete and utter control over my sexuality, without it being tied to a relarionship or his ego or our mutual expectations.
I still strongly feel this way but there are times when I wish I could separate the two.0 -
Usually if someone wants regular sex with myself they will send a request letter explaining why I should accept and a list sexual desires that they wish to be fulfilled, a very recent document proving that they are disease free ( proof is expected each month or the contract is terminated). And if I accept scheduled times are made ( hours though are flexible for some).
You're kiddin, right? lol0 -
Never, ever thought I could separate emotion from sex and be with someone and not want to date them. Only in the last 6 months has this changed. Turns out I so far am more sexually compatible with people I don't want to date....and it is surprisingly freeing to have complete and utter control over my sexuality, without it being tied to a relarionship or his ego or our mutual expectations.
I still strongly feel this way but there are times when I wish I could separate the two.
Yeah, I don't know if I can. For a year, my ex wanted to have casual sex with me (we're still good friends), but I kept refusing because I knew I couldn't keep emotions out of it. It got me thinking, and I think I fall too quickly to be able to have a FWB. I know sleeping with an ex is different, but just my thoughts. I envy those of you who can do it!!0 -
Never, ever thought I could separate emotion from sex and be with someone and not want to date them. Only in the last 6 months has this changed. Turns out I so far am more sexually compatible with people I don't want to date....and it is surprisingly freeing to have complete and utter control over my sexuality, without it being tied to a relarionship or his ego or our mutual expectations.
Well, I dont think you have to separate emotion from sex with a FWB. It's more a case of keeping your emotions in check or simply realising a relationship wouldnt work between you both.
I think sex IS an emotional experience for me. I very much 'like' my ex FWB, just, there was no future in it.0 -
Usually if someone wants regular sex with myself they will send a request letter explaining why I should accept and a list sexual desires that they wish to be fulfilled, a very recent document proving that they are disease free ( proof is expected each month or the contract is terminated). And if I accept scheduled times are made ( hours though are flexible for some).
You're kiddin, right? lol
Nope I'm being serious, it helps them to keep their emotions uninvolved (albeit it still fails a lot and sometimes spectacularly at that unfortunately).0 -
Never, ever thought I could separate emotion from sex and be with someone and not want to date them. Only in the last 6 months has this changed. Turns out I so far am more sexually compatible with people I don't want to date....and it is surprisingly freeing to have complete and utter control over my sexuality, without it being tied to a relarionship or his ego or our mutual expectations.
Well, I dont think you have to separate emotion from sex with a FWB. It's more a case of keeping your emotions in check or simply realising a relationship wouldnt work between you both.
I think sex IS an emotional experience for me. I very much 'like' my ex FWB, just, there was no future in it.
The first time I slept with my ex, I was very cold and distant... it was probably horrible to be around me, but thought that is what I had to do the keep the emotion out.. I then realized, in this case, I didn't want to be with him but I enjoyed that part of it.. so then I just acted/treated him the same way I always had and it's been fine. I mean I only did it a handful of times, but since I am still trying to date...realize I will NOT be with him, it's ok for me. We don't generally go out and do things, but he will come over and watch a movie, help me with something, etc. so it's not so much a booty call LMAO!0 -
I had someone ask me how I could have a FWB , that if the guy was a friend and I was willing to sleep with him why wouldn't I date him..... The answer is simple there are alot of things that dont bother you about friends but you know if you dated that person it would drive you absoulutly insane...... And something I have noticed with FWB they tend to be very good lovers mayhap because they are friends and are concerned about your feelings. but also cause they know you ,they've heard you compliants , they heard your triggers and know the stuff you like. Or they will take the time ot find out. FWB are rarely selfish lovers atleast in my experience
agree with this 100%0 -
FWB is great. You don't have to separate your emotions because they're your friend. You already like spending time with them, and there's sexual attraction so why not? The point is to not lose perspective of why it wouldn't work out long term. I guess for me they're a bit more like flings? You can set your own rules (I prefer to not have more than one sexual partner at a time to minimize std risk, but we can date other people and the sexual part of our friendship ends when a significant other comes into the scene). I do treat it a lot like dating, except a fwb doesn't get priority in my life (I wouldn't cancel existing plans to accommodate). My life and routine won't change, he would just fill in the blanks.0
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The FWB's I've had, I didn't ask for them. They just happened. We actually never dated, just met through friends. I'd invite over for a "movie" and things happened. It happened several times and eventually the key word was "movie night" or "cuddle night". I've never had issues with the feelings because I've just not been ready for that kind of commitment. They also were just getting over someone and didn't want or weren't ready for a new relationship.0
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1. It's different for everyone.
2. See Rule 1.0 -
I have found FWB difficult to pull off. Each time, both of us inevitably have developed some "feelings" just below the surface. I've been able to keep them in check, but my partner has not. And when this becomes apparent, I tend to become over-sensitive, and just stop things cold.
It might be easier if you DON'T actually like each other, and DON'T have pleasant conversations.0 -
^^ Yup..
I actually prefer not to really like or enjoy the company of mine. Sure, he might be pleasant enough to have a drink with, but that's not why we are there and I really don't like confusing the two. So I don't. Our texts are to make plans or touch base only.
That said, while in the moment and after, there is lots of passion and emotion. But is purely about that time. I really don't think I could sustain an actual friendship with them and not develop feelings.0 -
Agree 100%.
Not downing anyone with a FWB, but I have no idea how you can do it...
This is kinda how I feel. I had a relationship that was technically FWB a few years ago, I was hugely in love, she was very much unattached. Skip to today, I'm in a different situation with a girl, I've kept myself unattached while the girl really has not. We made it clear what it was from the get go but I still feel like a jerk having to underline that point if I feel like she's crossing the line. It just creates a lot of drama, I'm sure there are personalities out there that make this whole thing much easier and more fun, but I've yet to snag one of those0 -
Usually if someone wants regular sex with myself they will send a request letter explaining why I should accept and a list sexual desires that they wish to be fulfilled, a very recent document proving that they are disease free ( proof is expected each month or the contract is terminated). And if I accept scheduled times are made ( hours though are flexible for some).
You're kiddin, right? lol
Nope I'm being serious, it helps them to keep their emotions uninvolved (albeit it still fails a lot and sometimes spectacularly at that unfortunately).
Is this a standard "request letter"? Or do you have a template? Is it in Microsoft Word? Or perhaps a Powerpoint presentation? What do you accept as proof whether they are "disease free" or not? Should that be attached with the application? How do the ladies know you are disease free? You mention a formal "contract" that can be terminated. How many pages? Do you base it on US law? Is arbitration possible?
Seems like quite the process you have in place.
--P0
