Hello, love reading your story mommamuscles. Congratulations on over coming some of the struggles with eating disorders. I can relate.

My story begins with a little girl hiding candy from her sibling and eating multiple bowls of fruit loops while watching TV.

I have always been chubby but when entering middle school I was well on my way to being obese. I started to develop anorexia around the age of 15. I also developed an unhealthy exercise routine that involved me running over an hour a day on very little food. So of course I lost weight....but gradually I fell into those bad habits again and the weight returned and then some. I got married around 20 and had my first child at 22. I gained 60lbs with baby #1 and never had any motivation to lose it. Then with baby #2 I developed gestational diabetes and was forced to watch every bite, I also had to give my self insulin shots - I think that was the turning point in my journey. I realized I didn't want to do this the rest of my life!

A few months after the birth of my son I started counted calories and walking everyday, I lost some weight. Then I found Cathe Friedrichs workouts and lost a lot more weight. Over a period of time I manage to lose 112lbs ....but now that I think back I was still unhappy. The image I saw in the mirror was never good enough. I wanted more...and continued to beat myself up over every little thing I ate that was listed as 'bad' in my mind. I made myself workout 6/7 days a week even when I know I needed a rest day. It was exhausting...

I kept the 112lb weight loss off for almost 5 years until a very sad personal event happened in my family and I felt like I was losing it...so I went to the doctor. I was prescribed an antidepressant for anxiety. ( for those that take antidepressants I'm not in any way saying that they will make you gain weight...but FOR ME it happened) the medication worked and my anxiety was gone, but so was my desire to eat healthy and workout. I was a floating cloud of happiness without any care to anything. That was over a year ago and now im 45lbs heavier. Im off the medication and decided to take matters in my own hands with my anxiety ( no caffeine seemed to stop the anxiety). Now im slowly back to losing but this time im fueling my body and LIVING at the same time. I no longer starve myself, I'm starting to appreciate and accept my body the way that god made it and to forgive myself more and more everyday. I have several 'check ins' as I like to call them that motivated me to keep going. I count my cals and log my workouts at myfitnesspal, I also log my workouts on cathenation.com and read all the motivating stories on www.em2wl.com.

Thanks for your interest

I remember the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade. My dad told me to stop eating those chocolate pudding pops from the basement freezer. That summer I gained the pudge. I didn't really feel like I was that different from my friends, I felt like I chose to wear a one piece bathing suit because I wasn't comfortable disclosing the rolls underneath. I was an active child and teen-softball and basketball. I didn't eat out of control, my mom was a Home Economics teacher and our family grew most of our produce. Our home was filled with whole grains and lots of veggies and home cooked meals.

Fast forward to college...the unlimited meal plan. Because if there were meals left in your bank at the end of the week, use them up! The ice cream, the fried chicken, the orange muffins, cinnamon rolls and chips were everywhere in the collegiate cafeterias. And I was having ‘fourth meal’ before I knew what it was called – Pizza or Taco Bell after nights out drinking. I moved to Colorado my Junior year of college with my fiancé. In the land of super-fit athletes, I found my slacks kept increasing in size…12/14/16…I wasn’t moving, wasn’t taking advantage of the land I was living in. I thought that going skiing during the winter was enough .

The first five years of my marriage I was obese, my weight crept up to 236 lbs and I was eating emotionally. I had lost my Grandmother and God Mother while we were in Colorado and never dealt with it. I would come home after work and think nothing of having a plate of chips and cheese with ice cream – every day!

In 2005, I was working for a wonderful boss. He was overweight himself but he encouraged the office to participate in a weight loss challenge. I was inspired! I was walking, running and dropping weight. I learned to monitor what I was putting into my body. My weight over those next 5 years slowly dropped until I reached 156. I was able to maintain that weight for quite a while eating somewhat normally, but with lots of cardio!

Two years ago, I changed jobs and my routine was shook up…but last year I started seriously getting back with it! I was logging on MFP, working out daily to Cathe DVD’s and started going to the gym. I even trained for and completed a sprint triathlon – a huge accomplishment to learn to swim in open water! This past year I also started eating at TDEE to reset my metabolism. I love the support from the MFPeeps, keeps me on target with the daily posts and challenges.

What I look to gain from this experience is to discover why I turn to food for comfort. Why can I be disconnected from the task of eating and before I know it the can of almonds is gone. Thanks for bringing this together, I’m very much looking forward to what I will learn!