Hello, long intro - looking for advice.

I recently signed back up on myfitnesspal. I had my son 19 months ago. He was a very big boy, 10lbs, 3oz, 23 inches long. I was careful through my pregnancy, didn't go overboard on eating and worked out all the way up to week he was born and finally had to stop because the water weight piled on so much at that point I could barely move and was in a lot of pain. I was very diligent about going to the gym though, to the point the trainers at my gym were applauding me for showing up and working out with that massive belly. I gained probably around 45 - 50 lbs despite my best efforts to watch my weight.

After he was born, I breastfed for six months. I didn't eat more than normal, didn't really notice an increase in my appetite at all. All the stories about how breastfeeding melts away those pounds? Yea, a load of bull. At least for me. I did drop 35 lbs right away in the first few months. That fell off. It took me a while to lose another 10. When I was about 10 lbs from my goal weight I signed up for myfitnesspal for motivation.

I ate under the calorie amount, worked out, etc. For two months I would lose a pound, gain a pound, lose a pound, gain a pound. While I was definitely toning up, I wasn't seeing the weight loss, and its not like I'm going extreme here, I'm 5'7 and naturally a size 10, I'm not trying to be a 2 or anything. I just want to get back to my 10's. After much frustration I gave up using myfitnesspal because I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere and was obsessing over the number on the scale.

When I was originally doing this, I was going under the assumption that we were only having 1 child and I could work hard at getting my body back. After this, my husband and I decided we want another child. I haven't gained any weight since dropping myfitnesspal, I'm still holding steady with this extra 7-10 lbs I want to lose.

So, here I am, still around 10 lbs away from where I want to be, and planning on having another child. I HATE how my body looks, I'm not comfortable in my own skin, but the idea of working so hard to lose this weight only to gain it right back and then some is disheartening and so unmotivating. At the same time, I also don't want to go into a pregnancy already overweight, it will make it that much harder to lose the 2nd time around, plus for health reasons I should be at an optimal weight prior to getting pregnant.

I have people telling me that I'm being ridiculous for even trying. "Maintain now, and worry about it after baby 2," and its hard to argue with that. I thought I did everything right with my first pregnancy eating right, not going crazy and stuffing my face, and keeping up with the workouts and I still gained a lot of weight. I didn't plan on the 10lb baby I realize, but still. In the meatime I hate how I look and still have a closet full of pants I can't wear which is beyond frustrating.

I am trying to make this more about health and a lifestyle change, and not just about weight loss, but its hard knowing that in the near future (next 4-6 months) I will likely be pregnant all over again. Yet summer is coming and I'd like to at least have a a month or two where I feel like myself again.

We all know how hard it is to loose that last 5-10 when you are so close to your goal, its like your body fights you tooth and nail for that fat... especially if you're a woman and post-baby. It's so frustrating!

Advice? Anyone else in this boat?