Disclosure - Dating multiple people
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MelodyinGa
Posts: 202 Member
Hi ya'll.......
So as a bunch of us are I am doing the online dating thing. I have read read read about how men or women should date multiple people at once. I am attempting to do this. Okay...so I'm not necessarily "dating" them per say, but am conversating with about 3 guys. I have only been out with 1 of these 3 with other dates planned with him. I also have a coffee meeting with another man who is 52. I am 39. I received a text from him last evening stating "so just how many fish do you have on your hook?" I didn't know how to respond. Three hours later, I texted him back and asked, "Is that really important at this point?" Come on...I haven't even met him yet and now I'm not so sure I want to. Thoughts??
So as a bunch of us are I am doing the online dating thing. I have read read read about how men or women should date multiple people at once. I am attempting to do this. Okay...so I'm not necessarily "dating" them per say, but am conversating with about 3 guys. I have only been out with 1 of these 3 with other dates planned with him. I also have a coffee meeting with another man who is 52. I am 39. I received a text from him last evening stating "so just how many fish do you have on your hook?" I didn't know how to respond. Three hours later, I texted him back and asked, "Is that really important at this point?" Come on...I haven't even met him yet and now I'm not so sure I want to. Thoughts??
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Replies
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I think if you are already unsure about meeting him, and his question made your squirm.......he probably is not going to get a chance......so maybe cancel.0
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It's an honest question, he wants to know his odds. With that said, by asking that right away, to me sounds like an insecure man. If you are already having second thoughts about meeting him, then I would go with your gut and probably cancel.0
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I've had guys ask...some do it in a flirtatious way and some are really insecure. If the question/comment is something like "So, how many emails have you received", I'll answer with an obligatory "I've received a few". If he comes out and asks if I have any other dates planned, I'll be honest with him, but leave out the details (I have one later this week, etc).
I'm usually able to get a good feel for a guy by the 3rd date, so I won't date multiple men after that. However, until we have a talk about exclusivity, I assume that he is still dating multiple women.0 -
It's an honest question, he wants to know his odds. With that said, by asking that right away, to me sounds like an insecure man. If you are already having second thoughts about meeting him, then I would go with your gut and probably cancel.
This. Nobody likes being put on spot like that by someone that you don't know. This kind of thing is a huge t red flag to me. If you ask me a question that will obviously make me uncomfortable in the early getting to know you stage- no thanks.0 -
Was it just an out of the blue question? Or was he jokingly saying it? It would turn me off if he wasn't joking, its none of his business, especially since yall haven't even met!0
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I think its a natural question to ask, even though I'd control myself and not ask it!!
Why dont you say "it's not the kind of thing I think we should discuss at this early stage"
or make a joke out of it and say "OOoooo hundreds!"
I dont think you can judge his security or lack of at this point. Just get to know him a bit and take it from there. I mean, people shoudnt have to always be on their guard and watching that every question they ask or comment they make may be the wrong one!! We all put our foot in it sometimes!
:flowerforyou:0 -
I think its a natural question to ask, even though I'd control myself and not ask it!!
Why dont you say "it's not the kind of thing I think we should discuss at this early stage"
or make a joke out of it and say "OOoooo hundreds!"
I dont think you can judge his security or lack of at this point. Just get to know him a bit and take it from there. I mean, people shoudnt have to always be on their guard and watching that every question they ask or comment they make may be the wrong one!! We all put our foot in it sometimes!
:flowerforyou:
agree!
relax, have fun. if you're not relaxed about multi-dating, it can be disastrous.0 -
I dunno. Sounds like a very nosy, somewhat jealous/insecure thing to say.
Something like that is none of his business at this point - nowhere NEAR his business!
I would have answered with "HUNDREDS" or something ridiculous as well.... because the question in itself is... well, ridiculous.0 -
I just got a text from him:
"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."
Really? Isn't that what dating is all about? I would never compare a man to a car or dog show. Nonetheless, you have to date around to find that compatibility. Perhaps this is best, for at his age (52..though I swear he looks older) and me at 39, he is probably looking for a young woman to care for him in his old age. I am just beginning to live finally and I don't want to have to physically care for someone other than pleasing them sexually so to speak.0 -
I dunno. Sounds like a very nosy, somewhat jealous/insecure thing to say.
Something like that is none of his business at this point - nowhere NEAR his business!
I would have answered with "HUNDREDS" or something ridiculous as well.... because the question in itself is... well, ridiculous.
Will def use next time!0 -
Was it just an out of the blue question? Or was he jokingly saying it? It would turn me off if he wasn't joking, its none of his business, especially since yall haven't even met!
Out of the blue girl...and definitely a turn off at this point!0 -
I just got a text from him:
"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."
Really? Isn't that what dating is all about? I would never compare a man to a car or dog show. Nonetheless, you have to date around to find that compatibility. Perhaps this is best, for at his age (52..though I swear he looks older) and me at 39, he is probably looking for a young woman to care for him in his old age. I am just beginning to live finally and I don't want to have to physically care for someone other than pleasing them sexually so to speak.
What in the world...?? I can understand saying something like that after you have dated for a bit, but you haven't even MET! You should tell him you reserve judgments like that for when you have actually MET the person!0 -
I just got a text from him:
"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."
Really? Isn't that what dating is all about? I would never compare a man to a car or dog show. Nonetheless, you have to date around to find that compatibility. Perhaps this is best, for at his age (52..though I swear he looks older) and me at 39, he is probably looking for a young woman to care for him in his old age. I am just beginning to live finally and I don't want to have to physically care for someone other than pleasing them sexually so to speak.
What in the world...?? I can understand saying something like that after you have dated for a bit, but you haven't even MET! You should tell him you reserve judgments like that for when you have actually MET the person!
Thank you! I had no idea what to say. I just texted him back with that statement....0 -
I just got a text from him:
"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."
I would have been ok with the question, but his response is just ridiculous! Sounds like he's be the jealous type (maybe partly due to his age?), which is not worth it. Next!0 -
I just got a text from him:
"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."
Wow, that is an interesting response. I guess I am guilty of dating many people in order to find one that is really suitable and compatible with me. I have dated more women than I have test driven cars, that is for sure. Of course I look at a car as a semi-short term investment, and look at settling down with the right woman as a life-time investment.
I have been talking to several women at once online, and will continue to do so until one of them pulls ahead of the pack and I want to make it more serious.0 -
I just got a text from him:
"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."
Really? Isn't that what dating is all about? I would never compare a man to a car or dog show. Nonetheless, you have to date around to find that compatibility. Perhaps this is best, for at his age (52..though I swear he looks older) and me at 39, he is probably looking for a young woman to care for him in his old age. I am just beginning to live finally and I don't want to have to physically care for someone other than pleasing them sexually so to speak.
The response possibilities are endless.
"lol k"
"woof"
"I'll just mark out option 9 on my list then. Wait, what was your name again?"
"Whoops, I guess I didn't get the memo that people have to make life commitments to each other before they meet."
"Who is this?"0 -
LMAO!! Better now than later. I've had men say similar. I respond with "I appreciate your honesty and wish you the best of luck as well". Then wouldn't you know those *kitten* come back with "Well...maybe we should give it a try". I nip it in the bud a little more rudely after that.0
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I just got a text from him:
"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."
I would have been ok with the question, but his response is just ridiculous! Sounds like he's be the jealous type (maybe partly due to his age?), which is not worth it. Next!
Well, that could be the case. Or he could just be fed up with spending time and money on dates when the girls tend to go off with one of their other options??0 -
I think its a natural question to ask, even though I'd control myself and not ask it!!
Why dont you say "it's not the kind of thing I think we should discuss at this early stage"
or make a joke out of it and say "OOoooo hundreds!"
I dont think you can judge his security or lack of at this point. Just get to know him a bit and take it from there. I mean, people shoudnt have to always be on their guard and watching that every question they ask or comment they make may be the wrong one!! We all put our foot in it sometimes!
:flowerforyou:
agree!
relax, have fun. if you're not relaxed about multi-dating, it can be disastrous.
Ok, he needs to relax!!!0 -
I just got a text from him:
"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."
I would have been ok with the question, but his response is just ridiculous! Sounds like he's be the jealous type (maybe partly due to his age?), which is not worth it. Next!
Well, that could be the case. Or he could just be fed up with spending time and money on dates when the girls tend to go off with one of their other options??
The first date (aka MEETING) can/should just be coffee or a drink. Shell out $5-10...if a 53 year old dude is that stingy, she needs to move on anyway.0
