It's an honest question, he wants to know his odds. With that said, by asking that right away, to me sounds like an insecure man. If you are already having second thoughts about meeting him, then I would go with your gut and probably cancel.

It's an honest question, he wants to know his odds. With that said, by asking that right away, to me sounds like an insecure man. If you are already having second thoughts about meeting him, then I would go with your gut and probably cancel.

This. Nobody likes being put on spot like that by someone that you don't know. This kind of thing is a huge t red flag to me. If you ask me a question that will obviously make me uncomfortable in the early getting to know you stage- no thanks.

I think its a natural question to ask, even though I'd control myself and not ask it!!

Why dont you say "it's not the kind of thing I think we should discuss at this early stage"

or make a joke out of it and say "OOoooo hundreds!"

I dont think you can judge his security or lack of at this point. Just get to know him a bit and take it from there. I mean, people shoudnt have to always be on their guard and watching that every question they ask or comment they make may be the wrong one!! We all put our foot in it sometimes!

:flowerforyou:

I dunno. Sounds like a very nosy, somewhat jealous/insecure thing to say.
Something like that is none of his business at this point - nowhere NEAR his business!
I would have answered with "HUNDREDS" or something ridiculous as well.... because the question in itself is... well, ridiculous.

I just got a text from him:

"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."

Really? Isn't that what dating is all about? I would never compare a man to a car or dog show. Nonetheless, you have to date around to find that compatibility. Perhaps this is best, for at his age (52..though I swear he looks older) and me at 39, he is probably looking for a young woman to care for him in his old age. I am just beginning to live finally and I don't want to have to physically care for someone other than pleasing them sexually so to speak.

What in the world...?? I can understand saying something like that after you have dated for a bit, but you haven't even MET! You should tell him you reserve judgments like that for when you have actually MET the person!

I just got a text from him:

"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."

I would have been ok with the question, but his response is just ridiculous! Sounds like he's be the jealous type (maybe partly due to his age?), which is not worth it. Next!

I just got a text from him:

"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."

Really? Isn't that what dating is all about? I would never compare a man to a car or dog show. Nonetheless, you have to date around to find that compatibility. Perhaps this is best, for at his age (52..though I swear he looks older) and me at 39, he is probably looking for a young woman to care for him in his old age. I am just beginning to live finally and I don't want to have to physically care for someone other than pleasing them sexually so to speak.

The response possibilities are endless.

"lol k"
"woof"
"I'll just mark out option 9 on my list then. Wait, what was your name again?"
"Whoops, I guess I didn't get the memo that people have to make life commitments to each other before they meet."
"Who is this?"

I just got a text from him:

"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."

I would have been ok with the question, but his response is just ridiculous! Sounds like he's be the jealous type (maybe partly due to his age?), which is not worth it. Next!

Well, that could be the case. Or he could just be fed up with spending time and money on dates when the girls tend to go off with one of their other options??

I just got a text from him:

"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."

I would have been ok with the question, but his response is just ridiculous! Sounds like he's be the jealous type (maybe partly due to his age?), which is not worth it. Next!

Well, that could be the case. Or he could just be fed up with spending time and money on dates when the girls tend to go off with one of their other options??

The first date (aka MEETING) can/should just be coffee or a drink. Shell out $5-10...if a 53 year old dude is that stingy, she needs to move on anyway.

I dunno. Sounds like a very nosy, somewhat jealous/insecure thing to say.
Something like that is none of his business at this point - nowhere NEAR his business!
I would have answered with "HUNDREDS" or something ridiculous as well.... because the question in itself is... well, ridiculous.

Will def use next time!

LOL - now that is funny

I just got a text from him:

"...after carefully thinking about your last text it does matter now. I am not a car OR in a dog show if you are looking at several gents or window shopping then I will beg out! I wish you luck in finding your life partner."

Really? Isn't that what dating is all about? I would never compare a man to a car or dog show. Nonetheless, you have to date around to find that compatibility. Perhaps this is best, for at his age (52..though I swear he looks older) and me at 39, he is probably looking for a young woman to care for him in his old age. I am just beginning to live finally and I don't want to have to physically care for someone other than pleasing them sexually so to speak.

In response to your first post, I have had men ask me this. I am really not sure what I said to be honest. Probably something casual, humorous, and very vague!

The fact you haven't even met the guy makes me wonder why he cares -- I can see if he met you, was head over heals for you then he wants to make sure he can get some more time.... but he doesn't even know what he will think once you meet.

In response to his second text.. WTF?!?!?! thank your lucky stars you never met this wacko! Until you have established an interest in eachother you would be SILLY not to talk too/meet/date multiple men. Becuase you never know if you will click, find them attractive, blah blah to want to go on a second date. If you only focus on one at a time you would be at this dating thing FOREVER!!! I personally struggle to multiple date after 2-3 dates becuase of the time constraint, but I am going to try! 1st dates, line them up in single file and lets get it on! haha! just kidding of course.

ETA: He sounds like a man with NO options... and people with options don't settle, don't cling, and aren't generally aren't desperate.... so keep your mutilple dating, it makes a tonne of sense.

Unlike others in this thread, it takes a while for me to "get a feeling for the guy." I wanna see how he reacts to stress and irritating situations before I judge his character. So I don't trust how I feel about him after just 2-3 dates. And I expect that they are multi-dating until we have the "exclusivity" talk so I continue to multi-date myself until a) we have the talk or b) we spend so much time together that I naturally don't have time for other men. I've only had two... yes TWO guys in the four years I've been single have a problem with this. I wrote about them in this thread linked below.

When a guy asks me something like that, I sometimes do like others have mentioned and say hundreds or millions or something fun like that, but usually I say something like "well of course I'm getting to know other guys from the site... eventually one of you will crowd out the competition."

The only thing I will add to this is that if you read that thread below, you'll find that you have to be careful what you tell a guy about dating others because a lot of people assume that means you're getting bed with all of those guys. I'm fairly upfront about "no sex outside of a relationship" so I don't have a problem telling guys I'm ok with casually dating while we determine if there's enough there for a relationship.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/673711-what-is-your-definition-of-casual-dating

FWIW, only two guys I've dated ever had a problem with this... the first was my last boyfriend, about a year and a half ago. He told me on our second date he didn't believe in casual dating. I took a few days to think about it and, inspired by the fact that another guy I really liked had poofed on our plans and then lied about going to visit another woman, I decided what the heck. We had a great couple of months but our lifestyles were just too incompatible.

The other guy who had a problem with this, bodybuilder guy, would always dig me about still being on Match. Yet, when I'd tell him how I'd love for him to take me off the market he always balked and changed the subject. I, personally, think he was still on Match looking for women, not just checking on me. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Just a couple of notes on this topic:

1: I am (nearly) 52, and I promise you, I'm not looking for someone to take care of me in my old age :-) (and I rarely date women more than 10 years younger- or older - than me, FWIW)
2: I have had women ask me this very question - actually, rather frequently. For some reason, I'm flattered.
3: I noticed that nearly all of the conversation in this thread was between women. I wonder what this conversation would look like if the OP was a guy, and the person on the other end of the dating site was a woman. Betcha it would be quite different.

Just sayin'

Speaking for myself, but my advice would be the same :yawn:

And I'm willing to bet many of the women that gave advice would have kept it the same as well. I've gotten to know many people on SP and most of them are people more than worth their weight in salt. Stop being so distracted with speculative double standards.

OMG I had conversations so far with about 8 different people today and I didnt tell any of them I talked to other one before...


I am such a whoreee!!!!!!