Do men ever make you feel silly in the gym?
carissar7
Posts: 183 Member
I was doing my squats yesterday (got up to 90lbs!) and in the other rack next to me there were some older guys who kept glancing over at me in between their conversation. Before each set they would look over and almost 'wait' for me to do it...then they would start cheering me on and flex their muscles and make these weird faces like they were straining themselves. Maybe I'm just overly self conscious but it definitely felt like they were mocking me, NOT genuinely impressed (kind of like, "aww she's cute, look at her trying to be a weight lifter"). It didn't bother me enough at the time to stop what I was doing, but for a split second it made me kind of look at myself and question why I was there. I got over my shyness in the weight room and walk in there like I own the place and generally don't pay much attention to other people, but with those men standing there watching me it definitely brought some of it back, even though it was only for a few minutes. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Even if they weren't mocking me, it just made me uncomfortable how they were STARING! Is there any polite gesture to give to people who are watching you in the gym, or do you just ignore it and/or walk away?
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I haven't had this problem, but it is probably because I usually have my headphones in. I also don't really pay attention to anything other than myself during the lift. I think I would have been concerned that they were mocking me as well. I don't know of any way to politely gesture to someone who is watching. I think I would have asked them if there was something I could help them with or if they were entertained enough. Sometimes just calling someone out will give them enough reason to move on or at least keep it to themselves.
My friend did have a comment from a guy about the 10 lbs dumbbells once. She didn't know where they went because I had grabbed them for her. She asked one of the guys next to the rack if he knew where they went and he said something like "just take them home, they don't belong here" as if 10 lbs wasn't worthy of the "big weight room". Never mind that many people use that room and not everyone is lifting crazy amounts. I saw an older gentleman using them today. He was doing well and working at his level. Sometimes "meatheads" don't get that everyone starts somewhere.
Being confident in the weight room is important because I think it lends to pushing ourselves more. Hopefully these guys are not around often and you can lift with confidence without distraction. Try to ignore them knowing that you are doing it for you and not for them no matter how they feel.0 -
OMG, what terrible experience. I'm sorry you had to go through that and if it happens again you should put a stop to it in a polite way. I've never experienced mocking but I do get a lot of stares since I'm the only female there lifting heavy. There is an older guy at my gym that walks up and down in front of the bench while I'm bench pressing to look at me sprawled there, I just smile and ignore him.0
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I can think of a few impolite gestures.
IMO, pop on a set of headphones and ignore them (they lose interest) or stop and stare right back (they suddenly get very interested in another side of the gym). If it continues, tell them to knock it off and/or grab a gym personnel to fix it up. 0 -
I can think of a few impolite gestures. IMO, pop on a set of headphones and ignore them (they lose interest) or stop and stare right back (they suddenly get very interested in another side of the gym). If it continues, tell them to knock it off and/or grab a gym personnel to fix it up.
Hahah I've actually had a few guys stare but not say anything, and then when we make eye contact I act stupid and say "oh were you waiting to use this??" and then when they say no I say "Oh good cause I noticed you were looking over here. Just making sure." then they usually get the hint and walk away. But this time I got really confused and couldn't tell if they were being serious and thought it was cool, or if they were mocking me. So I just said thank you after each time they commented.0 -
I highly believe that couples should work out together. If you have a boyfriend or know a guy who is a friend of yours, I think you should work out with him. He can give an intimidating look that would scare guys off! If not, why not another girl that you know? Do not many girls go to your gym?0
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I haven't had this problem, but it is probably because I usually have my headphones in. I also don't really pay attention to anything other than myself during the lift. I think I would have been concerned that they were mocking me as well. I don't know of any way to politely gesture to someone who is watching. I think I would have asked them if there was something I could help them with or if they were entertained enough. Sometimes just calling someone out will give them enough reason to move on or at least keep it to themselves.
My friend did have a comment from a guy about the 10 lbs dumbbells once. She didn't know where they went because I had grabbed them for her. She asked one of the guys next to the rack if he knew where they went and he said something like "just take them home, they don't belong here" as if 10 lbs wasn't worthy of the "big weight room". Never mind that many people use that room and not everyone is lifting crazy amounts. I saw an older gentleman using them today. He was doing well and working at his level. Sometimes "meatheads" don't get that everyone starts somewhere.
Being confident in the weight room is important because I think it lends to pushing ourselves more. Hopefully these guys are not around often and you can lift with confidence without distraction. Try to ignore them knowing that you are doing it for you and not for them no matter how they feel.
That's dumb. There's no reason why you can't use 10lb dumbbells. Not everyone has to "lift heavy" in order to get a good workout in and that's okay. That also reminds me of something else that kind of annoys me, every time it looks like I'm having even a second of slight struggle there's always someone coming over to rush to my rescue. I was doing bench presses once and the barbell hit one of the racks on the way up and this guy came rushing over and grabbed it as if it was going to fall on my face and crush me! Seriously it just tapped the bar, but I guess he thought I was going to drop it. I also have had several occurrences where I had 45lb plates taken out of my hands when re-racking them so that I didn't have to do it. I know that these are kind gestures and they're just trying to help, but damnit I'm not some princess and I know what I'm doing! If I need help I will ask for it, you are in the gym to challenge and push yourself, not have others re-rack weights for you because they think they're too heavy for you to hold. Do I really seem that helpless? haha. Also I should mention that I never wear headphones or listen to music but I know I probably should.0 -
I highly believe that couples should work out together. If you have a boyfriend or know a guy who is a friend of yours, I think you should work out with him. He can give an intimidating look that would scare guys off! If not, why not another girl that you know? Do not many girls go to your gym?
I would love to workout with my boyfriend but he lives a few towns away from me and goes to another gym (when he actually makes time to go). I go to an LA Fitness that just so happens to be directly next door to my job so it's very convenient for me. Of course none of the girls I work with are interested in paying $40 a month, OR they are just interested in using the elliptical or taking classes. I go by myself every single time and was nervous at first because I was shy and didn't know where everything was, but now I'm liking it more and more. I actually do a lot of things by myself and prefer being alone. Maybe I like my own company too much, or I just don't like other people ;-D0 -
I've had a few comments, but they weren't bad. I usually lift in the afternoons between jobs, but I had to skip a workout and was lifting in the evening instead. From the mirror, I saw two older guys stare, talk amongst themselves, and stare again while I was squatting. It made me a little uncomfortable, but when I was done and reracking weights, the one guy came over and told me it was nice to see someone using proper form to squat. I haven't run into anyone that was rude or condescending.
I've never had the problem of having someone trying to rerack my plates or "rescue" me. *****face + headphones = unapproachable. 0 -
A flat stare works wonders.0
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I highly believe that couples should work out together. If you have a boyfriend or know a guy who is a friend of yours, I think you should work out with him. He can give an intimidating look that would scare guys off! If not, why not another girl that you know? Do not many girls go to your gym?
I'd love to work out with my fiancé, but he's not interested. I'd love to work our with him because 1) it's hot and 2) it's something we could do together. I wouldn't love to work out with him because I felt I needed him to deal with meathead jerks.
I find your comment that men would respect other men telling them to back off (or even implying it by simply being there), when they wouldn't respect a woman doing that, unhelpful. It might be the way of some bits of the world, but bringing in a guy to solve the problem just perpetuates the stereotype that lone women are fair game, and that's the stereotype that caused the problem in the first place.
Having a non-gender-specific workout partner is a much better idea.
OP: does your gym have a noticeboard where you could post a request for a workout partner for the times you tend to go?0 -
woah. I hear that you are coming from a good place, but suggesting that we should work out with a man because he can look after us is a little on the patronising side!
my husband hates gyms and goes running and cycling so I've been alone from the get-go in the weight room. I try to be friendly but brief, not hog the equipment, and sufficiently assertive to get my turn.
If I received that kind of attention I'd either say something to them or mention it to the reception team on the way out. they are always happy to see women in the weights area and would I'm sure put a stop to any intimidating behaviour.
I've only once had any comment other than positive, and that was well meant but wrong advice. I just smiled, said thanks but this is the way I've been taught to do it, and carried on... I think maybe the best response would be to stare back when they are doing their sets, maybe throwing in the odd 'way to go' if appropriate. See how they like it!0 -
Wow, what a couple of jerks. I would walk over and ask them why they were trying to f up my sets and what they thought was so f ing funny. But that's me and I have that kind of a temperament. I have to rein myself in and remember not to be rude without being provoked ::shrugs::
The idea that I need a workout buddy to protect me is completely laughable. Sorry, I know you have good intentions in suggesting that, but I didn't like that at all. I think all people should be able to stand up for themselves
I can't believe the stories that you guys have about the rudeness and condescension that you experience in your gyms. At my gym I just walk in, do my thing, and no one dreams of interacting with me in any way other than politely. It must be because I am old and fat LOL. Or it could be because of my attitude -- I know that I give off vibes of "I'm here to work & leave me alone." I mean, I FELL in the power rack and no one said a word to me or came over to help me. Hmmm maybe there should be a happy medium in there.0 -
I'm not trying to say that should be a primary reason to workout with a significant other. lol0
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Do you show up at the same time every week to lift? Are there attendants on the floor, or only at the reception desk? I have found that as I show up at the same time every week, the guys who were incredulous when I started are now very respectful and just give me the "hello, here to work" nod. I also made friendly with the folks on the floor, and so they come over while I'm lifting and talk to me at least once, which discourages anything silly on the part of other lifters. I do lift at a YMCA, and that probably helps - wide age range, no foul language allowed, 'family-friendly', etc. But as Gwyn suggested, cultivating a flat stare works wonders. As does turning to them and saying something like " Haven't you ever seen proper squat form? If you want to learn how do this the serious way, I'd be happy to help you."
I agree with Amazing that it is a good idea to have a lifting partner for safety reasons - I am in a weight range now where I am not comfortable benching without a spotter, and my gym doesn't have a good way to do it in the rack. But if you can't have a buddy in the gym, then cultivate your serious face and ignore anybody who doesn't speak to you respectfully.0 -
I've never had the problem of having someone trying to rerack my plates or "rescue" me. *****face + headphones = unapproachable.
Ditto to this. I've been told I look mean and scary before and I wasn't even in the gym at the time. My sis-in-law likes to use me as a body guard at times too! I guess people think I'm just a 5'2" ball of bad *kitten*.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
