I go through phases where I like it and others where I hate online dating sites too. But, since people always use dating as a fishing metaphor (there are plenty of fish in the sea...) why not think of it as casting another line into the waters? So online and in-person meetings don't need to be mutually exclusive, you can be doing both at the same time. And really, leave your profile up and go about your life. If you're in the mood to flip through then cool, if not, then leave it unless you get a message, you don't need to feel chained to check it constantly.

What those guys said...

I have found that online dating can be a great tool. But, you can't rely solely on it. I did that for awhile after my divorce because I was in a new area and I was just so uncomfortable meeting people. What I learned along the way is that if you leave a profile open, just let it be. Sure, go on once in awhile and check other matches. If you're interested, email. If not, just enjoy your normal activities. I won't go onto my profile unless someone has emailed. You always get the surge at the beginning (fresh meat) so if it's been a couple days without an email, I'll log on just so it shows I'm still around. I might add a new pic here or there. May change some of the wording once in awhile. But, otherwise, I don't worry about it. It's just another line in the water.

We all evolve and grow as people, well, most of us :laugh: If you want a relationship, you have to make yourself available to meet prospective partners. It may not be comfortable, but you have to come to terms with it. For me I learned to put myself out there, I gained confidence in myself, but granted I'm much older and I went thru the process over half my life. I've always been rather social, although I'm not always the guy that just walks up to a woman and strikes up a conversation, but I am very comfortable meeting women in places where you could interact with new people, like a coed volley ball game, going dancing (I like country dancing two-stepping) so I ask women to dance...

At some point your desire to not be alone needs to override your other hurdles that prevent you from putting yourself out there. It can be a lot of work from the woman’s side when it comes to online dating. Men are expected to be the ones to initiate most of the time, so women generally get lots of messages, often by moron guys trying to get laid that never even read your profile.

I'll give you a tip, if you find a guy’s profile and think he is a good fit, wink, send a message, or something, it's not wrong to initiate contact. You may not be showing up on their screen but could be a good match....take charge of your own future and don't just leave it totally to chance. I have had far more enjoyable dates than bad ones using the online sites. I only go out with the expectation of having good conversation and enjoying whatever we are doing, usually meeting for a drink or something light to start out with. I don't expect there to be chemistry, I don't get way too hopeful about them being "the one", I just let things unfold and happen. This way you don't get too disenfranchised with the whole dating process.

Good luck. Oh yea, check out these videos. A girl on POF mentioned these in her profile and I really related to it. I actually have a date with the girl that posted a quote from her in her profile.

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=brene%20brown%20vulnerability&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CDEQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DiCvmsMzlF7o&ei=FvCDUc2MI6qx0QHSmYCYBg&usg=AFQjCNFVvwbjqWe7KKqxdnOfFCcOiipVIA&bvm=bv.45960087,d.dmQ

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=brene%20brown%20vulnerability&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&ved=0CDQQtwIwAQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ted.com%2Ftalks%2Fbrene_brown_on_vulnerability.html&ei=FvCDUc2MI6qx0QHSmYCYBg&usg=AFQjCNGt3C0fjZyg_DOKqcWhJyiDXghOEA&bvm=bv.45960087,d.dmQ

If for some reason the links get broken, Google “Brene Brown vulnerability” and the first few videos that popup on youtube should be the ones.

But the gist of it is, the power of vulnerability is courage. You have to have the courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable and take the risk of getting hurt. I think the short term pain of dealing with a broken heart outweighs the long term pain of being lonely if you are longing to be in a relationship. For me, I can be happy alone, but I know when I am with someone I am in love with, and that love is reciprocated, it multiplies my happiness. I’m just wired to be in a relationship, I enjoy it.

I've done it a couple times but then delete the accounts after like a couple months. ..
mainly cuz I wasn't getting kind of feed back . .
all my messages/winks would go out into the black hole of the internet . .
Was kind of depressing after a while . .but then again I wasn't sending a million winks out every day . .
but there weren't that many people in my area . .living in MT kind of makes it harder to find someone!
I'll figure I'll do it the old fashion way and met people face to face,
instead of some Russian girl who needs money to come visit me in the US.. . .

Just for kicks I ran a scan with search parameters on OKC the other day. I generally just wade through what they decide would work for me, but I wanted to see what happened if I put in my own criteria. Nothing egregious, just no smoking, no drugs, decent age range, etc. Within 25 miles of me there were only 2 hits. That's pretty much when I gave up.

Ive done this a few times, it seems to be everytime I get a request, I just politely message the person requesting (just out of courtesy) and end up deleting my profile, I always get the feeling that, (im not saying this is accurate just my opinion) that a lot of people on dating sites are the type of people who need a relationship, were I am the type of person who views a relationship as something that adds on to your life not takes over it, I am 50/50 on it though, a lot of my friends have met their partners on dating sites and seem more successful then people who have met in places like bars and clubs, so my theory is probably incorrect lol

Question - why go through all the effort of deleting a profile? If you don't like it anymore just.... stop logging in. That's what I've done. That way if I decide to check it out again I can just change the necessary deets and then be ready to go.

Question - why go through all the effort of deleting a profile? If you don't like it anymore just.... stop logging in. That's what I've done. That way if I decide to check it out again I can just change the necessary deets and then be ready to go.

for me personally I know its still there so I still feel like I'm on it until I delete it, I'm conscious of it even if I'm not using it. that's from my prospective anyhow others will have different reasons

yup was on for a few months, then got off a few months ago....now i'm kinda thinking of jumping back in and seeing how it goes this time around ...

I sign up, do all the stuff, check out some potential matches and do about nothing. I had Match for 3 months and I think I sent 2-3 winks or emails. I've had EH for a couple months and I did their opener once. I also had a PoF and OkC account, but did nothing with em.

Of course, I'm also thinking of moving in a few years as I want to leave Vegas and experience living elsewhere (just waiting for my oldest to finish HS), so perhaps that's why I'm more open to distance stuff and tend to close down ladies here.

BTW, what's "normal" these days? I read a study that said online dating was only 2nd to meeting someone at work now.

good question. if you mean by the normal way of meeting people, I wont lie I rather meet people in real life through work or school or through mutual friends but it wasn't happening that's why I went online. its ok I have met a couple of nice guys, but really only 1 that I was truly interested in. at the end of the day tho would I really like to introduce someone to my parents and tell them the truth about how we met? I would be (and still am embarrassed) to say I met someone online when ppl ask.
its not as accepted by society as you would think. oh well. :ohwell: