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Jarice12
Posts: 135 Member
I need to hear from my fam. Anyone still have doubts about who they are? Still feel like their struggling to accept themself? Withdraw from others because you fear they may not accept you?
Background- I am 35, divorced with 3 kids and been in a relationship for 4 years. I live in the South, Georgia to be exact, where minds are not as open as they should be. I have a close relationship with God and was raised on Christian beliefs, but most of the time feel uncomfortable at church. I also suffer with anxiety so I am a constant worrier, which may contribute. I've been through alot of serious trauma in my life that still haunts me.
At this point in my life, I feel like I should feel confident in myself and who I chose to love. I should be happy and content. Anyone with some insight or advice will be greatly appreciated. It's hard opening up to strangers, but I've been dealing with this alone for too long.
Background- I am 35, divorced with 3 kids and been in a relationship for 4 years. I live in the South, Georgia to be exact, where minds are not as open as they should be. I have a close relationship with God and was raised on Christian beliefs, but most of the time feel uncomfortable at church. I also suffer with anxiety so I am a constant worrier, which may contribute. I've been through alot of serious trauma in my life that still haunts me.
At this point in my life, I feel like I should feel confident in myself and who I chose to love. I should be happy and content. Anyone with some insight or advice will be greatly appreciated. It's hard opening up to strangers, but I've been dealing with this alone for too long.
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I need to hear from my fam. Anyone still have doubts about who they are? Still feel like their struggling to accept themself? Withdraw from others because you fear they may not accept you?
Background- I am 35, divorced with 3 kids and been in a relationship for 4 years. I live in the South, Georgia to be exact, where minds are not as open as they should be. I have a close relationship with God and was raised on Christian beliefs, but most of the time feel uncomfortable at church. I also suffer with anxiety so I am a constant worrier, which may contribute. I've been through alot of serious trauma in my life that still haunts me.
At this point in my life, I feel like I should feel confident in myself and who I chose to love. I should be happy and content. Anyone with some insight or advice will be greatly appreciated. It's hard opening up to strangers, but I've been dealing with this alone for too long.
Chin up chuck! ... sall I have! x0 -
Hi Jharden, your message really struck a chord with me, i've had anxiety for the last 7-8 years, it makes you doubt who you are, lose your confidence and really affects your life. I became scared of everything it happened so gradually the drs didn't realise what was going on, i was even scared of my partner and we split up in the end as i accused them of all sorts and was convinced they were the cause of my anxiety. Don't let it take over, make yourself go out and be proud of who you are, i know it's difficult, but stay strong.
Don't let what you think others are thinking stop you living your life!
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Hi Jharden, your message really struck a chord with me, i've had anxiety for the last 7-8 years, it makes you doubt who you are, lose your confidence and really affects your life. I became scared of everything it happened so gradually the drs didn't realise what was going on, i was even scared of my partner and we split up in the end as i accused them of all sorts and was convinced they were the cause of my anxiety. Don't let it take over, make yourself go out and be proud of who you are, i know it's difficult, but stay strong.
Don't let what you think others are thinking stop you living your life!
Thanks so much! People who have never experienced anxiety have a hard time understanding. It's always nice to know I'm not alone. And you really opened my eyes to something; I do have more doubts and paranoia when my anxiety level rises. Thanks!0 -
Jharden, I have anxiety among other things, I find that exercising helps. I have to exercise for about an hour a day to function. it helps rebalance the chemicals in my brain and gives me time to myself. I withdraw from people as a protective measure, I was picked on a lot for various reasons and a lot weren't fully my fault. I still do it, because I consider myself damaged goods - I can be a little out there. Therapy for my anxiety has helped even now ( bipolar 1 with psychotic tendancies, generalized anxiety disorder and a bit of an eating problem) I am quasi homeless- staying with my partner or dad, self employed in a cut throat industry, always broke stuggling to pay even the most basic of bills.
We are given one lifetime, however we may be reborn. (I'm speaking from a more tribal background sorry), With hard work and struggling we can overcome the voice of self doubt, worthlessness that modern culture floods us with. It is worth the fight. Will you get hurt, probably. will it be hard, most definitely. but to look back and say I made it, is a treasure.
meditation and slowing down your thinking while analyizing your thoughts works pretty well for me even if it takes me days to catch somethings sometimes.0 -
At 35, I was in therapy to deal with PTSD, clinical depression, and other issues, including a dying long-term relationship. Life sucked and was perhaps my lowest point. Now that I'm 42, life is great. I wouldn't have believed it at 35 that my 40's were going to become an awesome decade of life.
I worked hard in therapy, plus got serious about losing weight and getting healthy. It takes a lot of determination, but I know eating well and exercising nearly every day is part of what keeps my mind and spirit positive. I believe fully in the mind-body-spirit connection. Improving one aspect improves the others.
I say all this to let you know I've been there, and that I sure as hell didn't have much figured out at 35. It does get better, though. Stay hopeful. :flowerforyou:
Feel free to send a friend request.0 -
Thank you! Know that you are not damaged goods! You are an amazing individual with experiences that both alienate you and make you extraordinary. Keep moving forward, no matter how much you struggle. I've been there, mentally and financially. We are stronger in the places that we're broken (don't know who said it but it fits:)Jharden, I have anxiety among other things, I find that exercising helps. I have to exercise for about an hour a day to function. it helps rebalance the chemicals in my brain and gives me time to myself. I withdraw from people as a protective measure, I was picked on a lot for various reasons and a lot weren't fully my fault. I still do it, because I consider myself damaged goods - I can be a little out there. Therapy for my anxiety has helped even now ( bipolar 1 with psychotic tendancies, generalized anxiety disorder and a bit of an eating problem) I am quasi homeless- staying with my partner or dad, self employed in a cut throat industry, always broke stuggling to pay even the most basic of bills.
We are given one lifetime, however we may be reborn. (I'm speaking from a more tribal background sorry), With hard work and struggling we can overcome the voice of self doubt, worthlessness that modern culture floods us with. It is worth the fight. Will you get hurt, probably. will it be hard, most definitely. but to look back and say I made it, is a treasure.
meditation and slowing down your thinking while analyizing your thoughts works pretty well for me even if it takes me days to catch somethings sometimes.0 -
Thanks you so much. You guys are definitely right about the exercise. My anxiety has gotten way better. I've been thinking seriously about therapy just for myself (I'm already in family therapy). I think it will help. It's a relief to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.At 35, I was in therapy to deal with PTSD, clinical depression, and other issues, including a dying long-term relationship. Life sucked and was perhaps my lowest point. Now that I'm 42, life is great. I wouldn't have believed it at 35 that my 40's were going to become an awesome decade of life.
I worked hard in therapy, plus got serious about losing weight and getting healthy. It takes a lot of determination, but I know eating well and exercising nearly every day is part of what keeps my mind and spirit positive. I believe fully in the mind-body-spirit connection. Improving one aspect improves the others.
I say all this to let you know I've been there, and that I sure as hell didn't have much figured out at 35. It does get better, though. Stay hopeful. :flowerforyou:
Feel free to send a friend request.0 -
I just found this thread. 1:22 AM, June 8, 2013.
June 8. An important date in my life. Three years ago today. June 8, 2010. The day I mark the start of my journey out of the depths of the closet.
The day my psychologist and psychiatrist gave me a choice: I could voluntarily commit myself to the psych ward for help or they would have me involuntarily committed because they knew I was so close to suicide.
I've always known I was gay, but never had the power to address it. I never thought it was possible.
And so I went into the psych ward to deal with my depression. And the most amazing thing happened. Here, in someone the same type setting as you jharden. Richmond, VA. Capitol of the Confederacy. The South. There in that psych ward, was the first time in my life I met a lesbian who openly talked about her wife. And all of a sudden it became clear to me what the problem was. I was a gay man who wouldn't or couldn't admit it. To anyone. Not even myself.
After 5 days in the psych ward I was discharged. At the suggestion of my psychologist, she found me a new therapist because of conflicts between her counseling me and my wife. So I started with a new therapist. And a few weeks after starting with him, I uttered for the first time the words I never knew I could ever say out loud. I was scared to death. I couldn't even look at him when I said it. I was convinced he was going to throw me out of his office and never see me again. "There's an 800 pound gorilla in the room we need to talk about. I am a gay man". And after a few seconds of silence I got his answer: "let's talk about it." And it felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. Saying those 5 simple words: I am a gay man.
We began planning on coming out to my wife, which I did several months later. Remarkably, being a doctor, she knew it wasn't a choice, it wasn't a reflection on her, and understood, and even more remarkably, we are still together, although not as your traditional husband and wife. Six months after that, I met the man who will be my partner in life. And we have been together now for over 2 years.
I can't remember what it was like trying to live as a straight man. But the joy and the freedom I have discovered since coming out has been truly remarkable. If you don't know it, there was a truly remarkable song written for the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus last year by Stephen Schwartz (composer of Wicked, Pippin and Godspell). Written from words from the "It Gets Better" project, it truly is an amazing song. But there is a couple of lines that really resonate with me so strongly:
If I had made myself not exist
There is so much that I would have missed …
I would have missed
So many travels and adventures
More wonders than I knew could be
So many friends
With jokes and secrets, not to mention
The joy of living in authenticity
Sometimes I cry
Life can still be hard
But there's no part of me
Still crying: "Hide me"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XZRNL9ZnyM
So today is my anniversary. Happy anniversary, me.
And yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Therapy can help. Accepting yourself can help. And if I can help anyone in the community in any way, please, lean on me. I have been the luckiest man in the world. I have had an incredible support system of so many friends who have cared for me, nurtured me, loved me, that I can only do the same for others. You are special, you are valuable.
Because as the Trevor Project tells us so well: it does get better.
In fact, it gets more than better
It gets amazing and astounding0
