How far apart?

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chickybuns
chickybuns Posts: 1,037 Member
So I am not ready for another child anytime soon, but I always planned on two. My original thinking was for them to be around 3 years apart. I was 5.5 years apart from my sister and we weren't close at all until I was 17/18. I think if they are closer they will have a closer relationship. But also I think that spacing them apart allows for more individual attention to each. Just wondering what your experiences/thoughts are on this. I am also not going to wait too long, I'm 29 and want to have another one before I'm 35.

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  • cocolo89
    cocolo89 Posts: 1,171 Member
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    my son and my daughter are 2.5yrs apart. I would say its the perfect time frame, she's potty trained, communicates, and helps out with baby. We want 2 more kids and we both agreed 2.5-3yrs apart is a perfect space in-between kids.
  • blink1021
    blink1021 Posts: 1,118 Member
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    My kids are 9 years apart. I was also in my early 20's when I had him too. We didn't plan it that way we tried for years when my son turned 4 but I couldn't get pregnant so we gave up and 2 years later surprise!!! We wanted 3 and were going to space them 3 years apart, but I think we are good with 2. My older sister and I are 5 years apart and we are not close at all never were and probably never will be. My younger sister and I are 21 months apart (she was a surprise) and we are not close and we never were, my mother said it was like having twins and doesn't recommend them to be that close especially because I supposedly got jealous and drove my mother insane. My older sister and younger sister have a better relationship and they are 6 years apart. My husband and his brother are 6 years apart also and they have a close relationship.
  • jls8209
    jls8209 Posts: 450 Member
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    We're thinking about 2 years apart. We're unsure of how many we want, but if we go for our max number of 4 kids, I'll be 36 when that one is born (assuming "the plan" goes smoothly, you never know what Mother Nature has in store). So for us, the spacing is partly due to my age (I turned 31 a few months ago). We're already talking about #2, but not in the sense that we're ready to go for it right now. Just thinking ahead and looking at time frames and how it fits in with other things going on in life. I totally get what you mean about wanting to give each kid enough individual attention, too.

    As far as the age gap and siblings getting along... I don't think it really matters much in the long run. My brother and I are nearly 4 years apart, and we didn't get along very well until we were adults. I think it had less to do with age, and more to do with the fact that we're not the same gender, and we have totally different personalities (I was the geeky wallflower, he was/is the super popular social butterfly). DH and his brother are 4 years apart and they've been best friends forever. I think most older siblings go through a jealousy phase. I remember going through it when my brother was a baby, and BIL/SIL are currently having issues with kid #2 being jealous of baby #3 (there was a smaller age gap between #1 and #2, and no jealousy there).
  • jmcreynolds91
    jmcreynolds91 Posts: 777 Member
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    I was always close to my 5 other siblings so i thought 2.5 years apart would be good. I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old and they are the best of friends(so far) They love each other! I think that 2.5 years apart is a great spacing time. Hoping to have our next around the same! :)
  • Crys483
    Crys483 Posts: 18
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    My 2 oldest girls (12 and 9) are just over 2.5 years apart and they get along well, they fight alot too though! Then there is 4 years between my 9yr old and 5yr old daughter and they get along well. My 12 year old and 5 year old don't get along. The only thing with the age difference is my 5 year old feels left out a lot when my 2 older girls can go to play and venture out farther and she has to stay close by. Now I have a son (8 months) who is 5 years younger then my youngest daughter. Not sure how they will get along. It's nice having older kids to help out with the baby! And nice to have kids in school while it's just me and him during the day :) I don't think it matters too much about age difference when it comes to being close or fighting, it's more about whether the personalities will clash lol
  • Pepper2185
    Pepper2185 Posts: 994 Member
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    We are going to start working on #2 just before Max turns one. So I'll more than likely have two kids under two.

    I originally told my husband I'd be ready to try for a second baby when I got back into pre-pregnancy shape, but I'm there now and I want to enjoy this body for a bit, before I get all big again.

    I also want to be done having kids by the time I'm 30, and I'm 28 now. Pressure's on!
  • MrsCarter00
    MrsCarter00 Posts: 502 Member
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    We've recently been thinking about this! We're definitely not ready for another right now (if at all) but it has came up because that's usually the first thing people ask when they see us! We may not have any more but if we do I want Jaxon to be out of diapers..so anywhere from 1.5-3 yrs - I sure hope he's out by 3 years but some babies take their time lol

    I used to want my babies really close...like a year and a half apart. That's the age difference between my sister and I and she's always been my best friend. But everyone is right when they say that an age gap doesn't really matter it does have a lot to do with gender, personalities, etc.

    If we do have another I'm thinking no less than 2 years and no more than 4.
  • Jillsie11
    Jillsie11 Posts: 249 Member
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    I originally thought I'd want 3 years between each child, that's how much is between my siblings and I and it worked for us.

    However, we started a little late (I was 28 with my oldest, and 30 now with the two kids), so we ended up starting trying after Elsie was 18 months, and the girls are 2 years 3 months.

    I think it's perfect- they're 2 years and 3 months apart. My oldest wasn't potty trained yet, but she was soon after. They're close in age, but not too close. And I think (hope) they'll be good friends once Jovie is older.

    Now the question is..........do we want another one?!! :)
  • redheadmommy
    redheadmommy Posts: 908 Member
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    I always wanted 3 kids really close together in age like 1.5-2 yrs. I have a sister who is 1.5 yrs older than me and we always had great relationships. My brother 8 yrs older than me and we barely had any type of relationship ever. We never fought or had a problem with each other, but he simply was too old to play with me and my sister ever.. He was always in a different stage of development than us. When we were toddlers he was already a big boy . When we just started school, he was already in high school and dating. When we started high school, he already moved out. Since he started to have kids early in his twenties and my sister and me started in our thirties , the age gap prevented us to be close even as an adult. When he had small kids, we were partying in collage. By the time we had kids, his kids grown up and moved out.

    Unfortunely we faced infertility , which prevented us to have kids close in age. My son is almost exactly 4 yrs older than his baby sister, which I think is a borderline too much. I think the small age gap is better for the kids, but bigger gap makes easier for the parents
  • Mewlingstork
    Mewlingstork Posts: 266 Member
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    We officially started trying for #2 last month and our first is 8 months old tomorrow. We were ready to start trying in February but it just never got happening. ;)

    My brothers are I are 3-5 years apart and the closest ones are the oldest and youngest. Go figure.

    I want to get diapers and whatever young baby stuff out of the way since we only want two. I'm back to prep pre pregnancy weight and mostly size but definitely feel ready for another!
  • Sjenny5891
    Sjenny5891 Posts: 717 Member
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    I had my first three in a 3 year span. A year and a half between them. It worked out well weaning them from stuff because we needed it for the new baby.

    there are 4 years between #3 and the twins. It was great because she was old enough to understand we had to take care of the babies and could help get things......
    Twins... I recomment it if you can. built in play dates. They still keep each other occupied for hours on end.
  • Jenny_Rose77
    Jenny_Rose77 Posts: 418 Member
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    I am torn. I always thought I wanted at least two, and I wanted them to be close in age. Part of me wouldn't be upset at all to have an Irish twin (but this would probably be a nightmare for my husband). My husband works insanely long hours (sometimes through the night for weeks on end) and is out of town every other weekend. Not having family near us, I am beginning to rethink having two. It's already so much work with just one! But anyway, if I do have another one, I definitely want it to be in the next 2-3 years.
  • BeckyJill7
    BeckyJill7 Posts: 547 Member
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    I'm ready to start trying for #2 now (two months ago actually!) but DH is not. In any way, shape or form! He's actually contemplating being content with just one baby. That's never even occurred to me. I've always wanted more than one and we talked about it before getting married. 2 or 3 kids was always on the table; however, a lot changes when #1 shows up. I think it's a lot more work and stress on my husband. I think the finances scare him a lot. Babies are no joke- and me not collecting a paycheck scared him quite a bit too.

    Only time will tell though. We've tabled the convo for now, but it'll be brought up within the next year I'm sure.

    On a side note, I've always thought 1 1/2 to 2 years is a great gap. My brother and I are super close- 19 months apart- and DH and his sister are super close- 23 months apart.
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    My boys are 2 years and 4 months apart. My younger son is a week old today, so obviously he is very needy, but my older son is still a little needy. My husband pretty much handles the older one, though we still put him in preschool during the week. We are done having babies now. When we got married in 2006 we intended to have three, but then the economy tanked, which hit us hard, so we waited to have our older son. I was nearly 31 when he was born and just turned 33 earlier this month. My husband is now 35, and I would like us to be done with the little little kid stuff by the time we are both 40.

    My sister and I are two years apart almost to the day, but I skipped a grade in school, so we were only a year apart in school. That made it tense until my sister was in high school (9th grade) and I was still in junior high. Then we got super close and even had some of the same friends. We are still super close to this day, and her two boys are like brothers to mine. I think our age difference is just far enough apart without being too far apart. (We have two older brothers, too, but we are the closest amongst the four of us.) My husband is three years younger than his most closely-aged brother, and while they are close, they're not super-super close. I think that might be a guy thing, though.

    IMHO, roughly 2-3 years is pretty good. Older kids can be helpful, but it's easy to get out of "baby mode," so I'd hesitate to do it again if my older son were already 4 or 5.
  • ehg87
    ehg87 Posts: 430 Member
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    I think 2 - 2.5 years is perfect. My sister and I are almost exactly 2 years apart and we had a great relationship all thru our childhood and even now. My oldest two are 17 months apart....while they have a great relationship it was/is really tough, almost like having twins. Our newest addition is a week and a half old and I'm pretty confident that she and her almost 3 year old brother will never have the relationship he and his older sister (4) have. If we have anymore I'd like them to be born either right before her 2nd bday or right after. Good luck!
  • rabbit__food
    rabbit__food Posts: 163 Member
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    Hubby & I are unsure if we want another kid right now. We have agreed that if we decide to have more then we will start trying when my son is 2 years old.
  • spunkychelsea
    spunkychelsea Posts: 316 Member
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    I just had baby #2. We started trying for her when my son was 6 months old, got pregnant after 1 period at 9 months old. They are 18.5 months apart. They love eachother so much. He helps (as much as a barely 2 year old can) and he makes her laugh. When hes upset we recommend he hug the baby and he cheers up. We're thinking of #3. There are definitely hard days. And some days it feels like all I do is change diapers, but I'm happy we had them close.
  • aya619
    aya619 Posts: 27 Member
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    My son and daughter are just over 3.5 years apart. So I found out I was pregnant with my daughter right before my son turned 3. I love the age difference. I was scared because at just turning 3 he still was having a lot of potty accidents and throwing tantrums so having a new baby scared me-but in those 9 months he grew up and became a lot more independent and excited for his sister to come. He has been the best big brother ever--he always wants to help get diapers or hold her bottle. They look at each other and can just laugh and entertain each other. I tell everybody she was the best toy we could have bought him haha ;) Not once has he been jealous. Its nice because he has really mellowed out and he is in preschool three days a week so its not too overwhelming for my husband (he has them suring weekdays while I work). But It was a nice 1.5yr break without diapers between kids!
    On the other hand me and my sister are 9 months apart and that was hard. we fought a lot as kids/teens, but are close now. And my brother is 6 years older and I don't even remember interacting too much with him. I think all age differences have their advantages/disadvantages.