Vegan Compulsive Eater...Eating CLEANER!
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ThriftyChica12
Posts: 373 Member
(This is a re-post from my MFP blog...if you wanna follow my blog, here's the link
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/VeganChica12
I hope to blog (almost) daily for the next 30 days!)
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I woke up this morning at 5:30 am, my body feeling clogged, loggy, and foggy, and I know why: I binged last night on sweetened popcorn and hashbrowns...and this was AFTER a HUGE dinner where I ate an ENTIRE package of Beyond Meat (4 servings), a processed meat-substitute.
I am not mad at myself, nor do I "hate" myself or wish to punish myself. Being a compulsive eater, I have an eating disorder with physical, emotional, and mental symptoms. Binge eating is one of those. But when acting out, the behaviors of this disease ARE dangerous physically, mentally, emotionally. I feel miserable when I am "in the food" compulsively.
I never do "cleanses" in the 48-Hour-Hollywood-Diet sense of the word. Yet, this morning, at 5:30, I KNEW I need to use today as a one-day-"cleanse". My body was literally yelling at me, "please, give me a BREAK! Stop packing me with crap for five minutes, and let me RESET!"
So, for today, I am going to consume some clear liquids and some raw juices, and possibly have a raw smoothie for dinner. This is NOT a deprivation or weightloss thing...I literally need to clear and calm myself: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
As to the month that lay ahead: I started thinking yesterday about my eating, based on some suggestions from MFP Pals. Normally I hate, and get defensive toward, unsolicited food advice in the form of "I looked at what you're eating, and you should not eat X, Y, or Z". However, setting my defensiveness aside, a lot of what my MFP friends were saying to me struck a chord that I know I have been ignoring for too long.
They pointed out that I often derail myself with processed vegan "snack" foods, and that I rely HEAVILY on processed soy products and vegan cheeses (gawd, I LUV that stuff SO hard!) which can be blocking my weight loss, triggering cravings, and generally just harming my health.
Yikes. Uh-oh. The jig is up. Why can't I have my vegan-cake-and-eat-it-too? I KNOW from experience and research that processed crap is bad for me: sugar, fried stuff, soy meats and are a little too meaty. I have binged on all of it, and it is especially bad for me since I have PCOS, and am no longer depending on medication to mask my symptoms.
I often fall into the trap of saying, "I will follow x-y-z FOREVER!" or "I will NEVER eat ______!" I am very much a perfectionist. So, knowing that certain changes are in order, I am VERY tempted to make grand, sweeping, monk-like vows and resolutions. However, the realist is me is reminding me to break it down, make it manageble.
So, I have decided to Eat CleanER for One Month...a measly 30 days.
Here, too, my compulsion and perfectionism is kicking in: shouldn't I wait to start on the FIRST of the CALENDAR month? (No, why wait to improve my health???) Won't clean eating be impossible this month, since I am going to Boston for one weekend, and even going into NYC for one fancy dinner the weekend after? (Um, if I start waiting for a "perfect" and "empty" month, with no adventures scheduled, I'd be waiting a LONG time!)
Will I definitely do this whole month perfectly, hallelujah-amen-I-have-ascended-to-vegan-sainthood-on-a-brigdge-of-beans-and-kale? I don't know. But I CAN say I fully intend to, without building in "cheats" or allowances for myself. And if I end up doing it perfect 90% of the time? I can live with that...
Here are my terms: (breathe...just for 30 days, just for 30 days)
--No processed soy, even tofu. (Soy beans [edamame] are okay). No vegan cheese (except nutritional yeast).
--No fried stuff, no sugar (sauces, etc), no white flour.
--Hell, let's add GLUTEN FREE to this plan! GF intact grains are fine, and raw GF seed-based crackers, etc).
--No crap. I know what the crap is. Eat ALL real food: fruits, veg, nuts and seeds, beans, nut milks, healthy oils, raw vegan snacks are okay, but minimally processed and free of sugar and junk. Agave and maple syrup are okay. Fresh juices are okay.
--Take it one day at a time, stay honest with myself, and if in doubt, leave it out!
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/VeganChica12
I hope to blog (almost) daily for the next 30 days!)
_______________________________________________________________________________________
I woke up this morning at 5:30 am, my body feeling clogged, loggy, and foggy, and I know why: I binged last night on sweetened popcorn and hashbrowns...and this was AFTER a HUGE dinner where I ate an ENTIRE package of Beyond Meat (4 servings), a processed meat-substitute.
I am not mad at myself, nor do I "hate" myself or wish to punish myself. Being a compulsive eater, I have an eating disorder with physical, emotional, and mental symptoms. Binge eating is one of those. But when acting out, the behaviors of this disease ARE dangerous physically, mentally, emotionally. I feel miserable when I am "in the food" compulsively.
I never do "cleanses" in the 48-Hour-Hollywood-Diet sense of the word. Yet, this morning, at 5:30, I KNEW I need to use today as a one-day-"cleanse". My body was literally yelling at me, "please, give me a BREAK! Stop packing me with crap for five minutes, and let me RESET!"
So, for today, I am going to consume some clear liquids and some raw juices, and possibly have a raw smoothie for dinner. This is NOT a deprivation or weightloss thing...I literally need to clear and calm myself: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
As to the month that lay ahead: I started thinking yesterday about my eating, based on some suggestions from MFP Pals. Normally I hate, and get defensive toward, unsolicited food advice in the form of "I looked at what you're eating, and you should not eat X, Y, or Z". However, setting my defensiveness aside, a lot of what my MFP friends were saying to me struck a chord that I know I have been ignoring for too long.
They pointed out that I often derail myself with processed vegan "snack" foods, and that I rely HEAVILY on processed soy products and vegan cheeses (gawd, I LUV that stuff SO hard!) which can be blocking my weight loss, triggering cravings, and generally just harming my health.
Yikes. Uh-oh. The jig is up. Why can't I have my vegan-cake-and-eat-it-too? I KNOW from experience and research that processed crap is bad for me: sugar, fried stuff, soy meats and are a little too meaty. I have binged on all of it, and it is especially bad for me since I have PCOS, and am no longer depending on medication to mask my symptoms.
I often fall into the trap of saying, "I will follow x-y-z FOREVER!" or "I will NEVER eat ______!" I am very much a perfectionist. So, knowing that certain changes are in order, I am VERY tempted to make grand, sweeping, monk-like vows and resolutions. However, the realist is me is reminding me to break it down, make it manageble.
So, I have decided to Eat CleanER for One Month...a measly 30 days.
Here, too, my compulsion and perfectionism is kicking in: shouldn't I wait to start on the FIRST of the CALENDAR month? (No, why wait to improve my health???) Won't clean eating be impossible this month, since I am going to Boston for one weekend, and even going into NYC for one fancy dinner the weekend after? (Um, if I start waiting for a "perfect" and "empty" month, with no adventures scheduled, I'd be waiting a LONG time!)
Will I definitely do this whole month perfectly, hallelujah-amen-I-have-ascended-to-vegan-sainthood-on-a-brigdge-of-beans-and-kale? I don't know. But I CAN say I fully intend to, without building in "cheats" or allowances for myself. And if I end up doing it perfect 90% of the time? I can live with that...
Here are my terms: (breathe...just for 30 days, just for 30 days)
--No processed soy, even tofu. (Soy beans [edamame] are okay). No vegan cheese (except nutritional yeast).
--No fried stuff, no sugar (sauces, etc), no white flour.
--Hell, let's add GLUTEN FREE to this plan! GF intact grains are fine, and raw GF seed-based crackers, etc).
--No crap. I know what the crap is. Eat ALL real food: fruits, veg, nuts and seeds, beans, nut milks, healthy oils, raw vegan snacks are okay, but minimally processed and free of sugar and junk. Agave and maple syrup are okay. Fresh juices are okay.
--Take it one day at a time, stay honest with myself, and if in doubt, leave it out!
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Replies
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Good for you!!!
I'm a binge eater too. AND a perfectionist ... so I can relate to everything you talked about.
If you want a "buddy" to do this with .... you got it. I started eating clean and unprocessed 10 days ago. I already feel better and would like to keep this up as long as possible.
Hang in there!
You can do it!1 -
darla: so glad to hear you are already on this path! yes, let's be buddies!0
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Hey Chica:) I highly suggest going here for some recipe/meal plan ideas. Sometimes it's easy to get hung up on the stuff you can't have and not focus on all the cool stuff you CAN have. There is a free 12 day meal plan here w/recipes that you can choose to follow entirely or just pick up some meal ideas. Good luck girl, I think you're going to be very happy with the changes you are making!!
http://www.drmcdougall.com/free_5a.html0 -
darla: so glad to hear you are already on this path! yes, let's be buddies!
You got it
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I feel like I could have written this post (especially after a terrible, terrible binge last night) - the only difference is I DO make myself feel guilty for overeating, which I know is the worst possible thing you can do, and hurts my body more than the overeating itself does. However, I do really like detoxes/juice fasts - like you, not for the weight loss benefits, but for the resetting/recharging of my body. I always feel way better mentally after I finish a fast, motivated and ready to start anew! I wish I could join you on the 30 day cleanup but unfortunately I'm going on 2 vacations in the next 30 days, but it's a great idea and I'll definitely be doing something like this when I get back! Best of luck to you
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Sounds like a good plan. I too binge. Emotional reasons. So long as I can eat a big portion I seem to binge less. If I feel restricted then I'm sure to binge at some point. So I stay away from oil - cuts calories fast so I can have guilt free big portions! I highly recommend Dr. McDougall's work as well. Hope your cleanse day was gone well. 0
