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Fresh out of long term ...

raige123
raige123 Posts: 352
edited January 26 in Social Groups
My boyfriend of almost 8 months ... who I thought was my forever love ... broke up with me last week. At this point I'm still dealing with it so know I'm not ready to jump back into dating. But how long is the right amount of time to wait to start? I know it's all general ... but right now I'm thinking I don't want to date again and I have friends telling me I have to get back in there right away. Opinions? And go ...

Replies

  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Do what you are comfortable with? If you don't feel ready, then you probably aren't. Maybe you should just hang out with your friends until then. Don't hold up at home, especially if you still find yourself thinking about him a lot.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    Your friends mean well, but there's no reason to rush back into the dating world until it's something you want to do. Go at your own pace and take your time to heal.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    Your friends mean well, but there's no reason to rush back into the dating world until it's something you want to do. Go at your own pace and take your time to heal.

    ^^ This! One week in the scheme of things is a very short amount of time. Do not feel rushed to move on just yet.

    :flowerforyou:
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    Are all your friends telling you to get back out there in relationships?
  • raige123
    raige123 Posts: 352
    Some are, some aren't. I definitely don't want a rebound with some poor soul. I don't want to replace my ex ... I want to find someone eventually that wants me ... not someone who pretends to.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    Your friends mean well, but there's no reason to rush back into the dating world until it's something you want to do. Go at your own pace and take your time to heal.

    I agree don't rush.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Some are, some aren't. I definitely don't want a rebound with some poor soul. I don't want to replace my ex ... I want to find someone eventually that wants me ... not someone who pretends to.

    You will know when you are ready... not your friends.
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    Your friends mean well, but there's no reason to rush back into the dating world until it's something you want to do. Go at your own pace and take your time to heal.

    ^^ This! One week in the scheme of things is a very short amount of time. Do not feel rushed to move on just yet.

    :flowerforyou:

    this. no need to rush. focus on yourself for a while then when u are ready jump back in ;) time varies for everyone
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I agree, no point in rushing back into a relationship. Take some time to enjoy some time as a single woman and work on yourself.

    And when you're ready, I will be waiting in the shadows to pounce when you least expect it.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    I agree, no point in rushing back into a relationship. Take some time to enjoy some time as a single woman and work on yourself.

    And when you're ready, I will be waiting in the shadows to pounce when you least expect it.

    Most polite stalker ever
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    I think it depends on how emotionally invested you were. The more of your heart and soul you've poured into it, the more time it takes to refill those things. I think you have to be a complete person before you can get into a healthy long-term relationship. After my marriage, I dated way too soon and it really wasn't fair to the women I went out with. As always, they fell in love with me :glasses: , but at that time I was mentally unprepared for anything approaching a serious relationship. I can see that in hindsight.
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    I think it depends on how emotionally invested you were. The more of your heart and soul you've poured into it, the more time it takes to refill those things. I think you have to be a complete person before you can get into a healthy long-term relationship. After my marriage, I dated way too soon and it really wasn't fair to the women I went out with. As always, they fell in love with me :glasses: , but at that time I was mentally unprepared for anything approaching a serious relationship. I can see that in hindsight.

    very true!
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Well, I can understand your friends as they just want you to move on and find someone else and be happy again :bigsmile:

    But I know that you want to grieve and get it out your system and prepare yourself to start again ..........

    I say that you should do what YOU want :flowerforyou:
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    Sorry to hear about that!

    I think it is individual for each person, each relationship, etc.

    I don't know why you broke up, but if you were caught off guard, etc. it may take longer to heal then if things had already headed south and you knew it was inevitable etc.

    I dated someone for 9 months last year, I knew it was over (I had decided this), I knew the relationship wasn't ok, and I found out about some addiction issues. I got over it pretty quickly because I had prepared myself for it. A week later I put up an online dating profile and panicked with the first response. It was then I knew I wasn't ready.

    Once you feel you are ready to date again, you know you have healed and can move on.... Good luck.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I agree, no point in rushing back into a relationship. Take some time to enjoy some time as a single woman and work on yourself.

    And when you're ready, I will be waiting in the shadows to pounce when you least expect it.

    Most polite stalker ever

    The kind that breaks in during the middle of the night to do the dinner dishes that you were too tired to wash. :flowerforyou:
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    I agree, no point in rushing back into a relationship. Take some time to enjoy some time as a single woman and work on yourself.

    And when you're ready, I will be waiting in the shadows to pounce when you least expect it.

    Most polite stalker ever

    The kind that breaks in during the middle of the night to do the dinner dishes that you were too tired to wash. :flowerforyou:

    oooh can you be my polite stalker? I have a load of dishes i've been putting off for the last few days ;)
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
    I agree, no point in rushing back into a relationship. Take some time to enjoy some time as a single woman and work on yourself.

    And when you're ready, I will be waiting in the shadows to pounce when you least expect it.

    Most polite stalker ever

    The kind that breaks in during the middle of the night to do the dinner dishes that you were too tired to wash. :flowerforyou:

    oooh can you be my polite stalker? I have a load of dishes i've been putting off for the last few days ;)
    :laugh: This reminds me of the BBT episode when Sheldon and Leonard go into Penny's apartment while she's asleep, to clean up and rearrange her messy apartment.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    I agree, no point in rushing back into a relationship. Take some time to enjoy some time as a single woman and work on yourself.

    And when you're ready, I will be waiting in the shadows to pounce when you least expect it.

    Most polite stalker ever

    The kind that breaks in during the middle of the night to do the dinner dishes that you were too tired to wash. :flowerforyou:

    oooh can you be my polite stalker? I have a load of dishes i've been putting off for the last few days ;)
    :laugh: This reminds me of the BBT episode when Sheldon and Leonard go into Penny's apartment while she's asleep, to clean up and rearrange her messy apartment.

    Haha love that episode!
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    I agree, no point in rushing back into a relationship. Take some time to enjoy some time as a single woman and work on yourself.

    And when you're ready, I will be waiting in the shadows to pounce when you least expect it.

    Most polite stalker ever

    The kind that breaks in during the middle of the night to do the dinner dishes that you were too tired to wash. :flowerforyou:

    Would you mind getting the litterbox while your there, thanks.
  • raige123
    raige123 Posts: 352
    I think it depends on how emotionally invested you were. The more of your heart and soul you've poured into it, the more time it takes to refill those things. I think you have to be a complete person before you can get into a healthy long-term relationship. After my marriage, I dated way too soon and it really wasn't fair to the women I went out with. As always, they fell in love with me :glasses: , but at that time I was mentally unprepared for anything approaching a serious relationship. I can see that in hindsight.

    I think this is part of why he left. He went from his marriage to a serious relationship, to breaking up with her, to me and here we are. He never gave himself time to be by himself after his marriage broke down.
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