E.D. Recovery & Weight Loss

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Bulimia to non stop binging

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tulinh17
tulinh17 Posts: 7
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I was a bulimic for 5 or so years. Finally decided to stop successfully and was losing weight too. I was finally happy with myself!

But lately, I keep binging non stop. I tried to write down food diary but I think i have some how become too obsessed with it. I don't want to be thin, I just want to be healthy and gain muscle. I still do excercise (swim!) but i always eat more than I need.
I want to loose the fat and gain muscle.

Also, I am having to live with a roommate who likes junk food. This add to the problem because I can't stop myself from binging, eating a bit of this and that and eventually overeat to the point I want to puke....

Any advice anyone and motivation too? :(

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  • Talister
    Talister Posts: 22 Member
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    I feel you, I struggle with bulimia and my husband likes fattening foods so I have to cook/eat with him and its hard. I dont really have any advice sorry, Im figuring it out too, but Id like to add you as a friend...
  • tulinh17
    tulinh17 Posts: 7
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    So grateful to finally find someone who understand the scale of my problem. I added you! Have you recover from bulimia?

    I am trying to regain my relaxation around food but sayin it is much easier than trying to psychologically train my brain to do so after years of bulimia. I just find it too hard to deal with all the fatty sugary food right now as I am still struggling to regain a 'normal' diet.
  • Talister
    Talister Posts: 22 Member
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    No Im not recovered, but I want to quit binging/purging, still want to lose weight. The purging is addictive though :(

    I understand; I cant eat certain foods either. Lately anything in solid in my belly freaks me out until I puke it up. It really is a terrible struggle. I wish you the best; right now Im trying to stay completely away from "bad" foods to but I have to cook for my husband and he doesnt share a vegetation low cal diet...
  • tulinh17
    tulinh17 Posts: 7
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    To be bluntly honest, I haven't got treatment or anything. I just made a goal for myself to stop purging even if I purge massively. My wake up call really was from the sign of my teeth eroding, period stop and realisation that I am not losing weight still. It is addictive to purge even though I know purging won't make me lose any weight!!!

    I can't get treatment for many reason, including cost and the fact that I'm scared after treatment I will blow up to a balloon size... The only way to stop myself from purging is to steer away from bad food binging, changing to a binge on fruit and vegetables. I also don't eat meat, on occasion do consume fish. It helps me maintain my calm when I eat. I don't know if it this will help you to reduce purging or not, but it works for me for now. I have had several relapse but it would be 2 months no purging now!

    I really understand so much how you feel, cooking and being surrounded by bad foods because of someone else. My roommate is proving a struggle for me. I don't dare to touch those food when she is in the room but once she leaves, I feel like I just go on automatic mode and grab whatever I see. I'm so ashamed of myself....
  • Talister
    Talister Posts: 22 Member
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    I feel the same way about treatment too! Financial reasons, and they tend to keep you until you are at the max weight you can be healthy at, and Im afraid of opening up and not being taken seriously. I too am making efforts on my own to not purge. Its still good to have support from someone who understands. Congrats on going 2 months! It takes a lot of discipline and Im happy for you. You have a good diet :)

    Dont be ashamed. I bet its hard not to touch the food, I have my shameful moments [carbs are my weakness, especially nachos]. Does she know? Maybe you could ask her to hide them? Or you could try leaving/keeping busy when she isnt there and if you DO binge dont let it be the end of the world. Each day is a new test for all of us and I believe you can overcome this
  • tulinh17
    tulinh17 Posts: 7
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    Thank you so much for supporting me! I find it too hard to open up to anyone because they would be too concern sending me straight to some treatment centre. Plus my asian background prove impossible for me to explain to my parents what's going on with me. I can't bare letting them know what I have done to myself.

    Sometimes when my friends talk about weight and diet and ED. I feel that they think ED and bulimia is all about being super skinny but really, it is more than that. I am not stupid not to know the effect of Bulimia on my health and that's why i am taking the action I am now, but it's difficult trying to fight it on my own sometimes.

    If you can then please hold back and don't purge. I know the urge is so strong so much that you want to pull your entire stomach out but try to occupy yourself with something else, go for a walk perhaps... I don't know how long it's been for you but the effect of acid on your teeth is irreversible. Mine has some chipped away. My hair has become so thin and raked too.

    She knows I eat the food and on some occasion I rush myself down the street to buy the food to replace what I have binged on. It appears, carbs are nightmare for many bulimic like us. I can't tell her I am bulimic, least not just yet. I feel I must try to overcome this first. I asked her to hide it "because I can't stop myself eating" and she still reluctantly leave them in that box. I do try to hide it from my eye sight.... Best I can do is probably like you said to leave the room when she is not there :(

    I am so grateful for you. If I can help you in anyway, please let me know. My honest advice is to set yourself a goal to cut down the number of purges a week/a month. You can overcome this too! There will be downfall and relapse but it is achievable with time! xx
  • Talister
    Talister Posts: 22 Member
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    Thank you for your honesty and Im happy to help any way I can. It is hard, and people dont understand, and I know the damage Ive done is irreversible... My teeth are transparent but since Im an Irish redhead, I have thick hair and thick skin. Ive been purging for 6 years... for me I think baby steps is the way to go. And to stay away from "pro" forums. The purging isnt even about being thin, its about being "full" vs "empty". I have a plan but Im not comfortable talking about it on a public forum ^.^;;; but I feel it will work.

    I could never tell my family either. My mom was anorexic when I was growing up and all my sisters are naturally thin and pretty, so my mom just told me to quit eating when she found out I was puking, called me a pig... the rest of my family never found out. Im married now and my husband is gone on weekdays so alone with the kitchen is my biggest obstacle; my husband and stepdaughter like snacks ya know. I cant eat and replace the food because I dont have a car to go to the store. My "purge" foor is usually ramen because Im the only one who eats it and it comes up easy. That, and nachos since its hard to measure how much is in the chip bag and slices of cheese missing. But yes, I want to quit and Im setting goals for myself.

    Forcing myself to exercise even when I dont feel like it has done wonders. So has tracking it here.

    I dont have any friends in real life. I do modeling and occasionally meet people but no one I can open up to or keep contact with... its bad to be fat, and its taboo to admit you have a e.d. as a model so I cant tell anyone irl. And I cant confess to my husband he worries about me and everything else enough.

    I just wish you to be happy and healthy, and my inbox is always open if you need to talk in a moment when you feel you are going to binge, or any other reason you need to talk. Take care hunny. Im rooting for ya :wink:
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    My advice is therapy. There are many ways to get low cost therapy, if the cost is an issue. Binging is just as much an ED as bulimia is. It's an illness, not a character flaw. It might not be as bad for your body as quickly, but it's holding you back in life, and I'm not talking about your weight loss goals. You deserve better.
  • fruitmuncher
    fruitmuncher Posts: 3 Member
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    Sigh, I can't help but feel that though I've come so far, I'm still suffering from the same symptoms from before. Still in college, and the vacations hit me the hardest especially when I'm stuck at home. The pantry is my worst enemy, and going out with friends really kills my diet. What should I do? I keep finding myself very confident in success, and acceptance of my indulgences, and eventually resorting back to relapsing... :(
  • noojim
    noojim Posts: 49 Member
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    My advice is therapy. There are many ways to get low cost therapy, if the cost is an issue. Binging is just as much an ED as bulimia is. It's an illness, not a character flaw. It might not be as bad for your body as quickly, but it's holding you back in life, and I'm not talking about your weight loss goals. You deserve better.
    Agree with this. I found it "easier" to quit purging than to quit binging, and obviously went on to put on quite a lot of weight. That was very hard, and I doubt I'd kept off the purging without therapy. Then learning not to binge was a whole new thing again. I doubt that would have happened without the therapy and without dealing with all the underlying issues behind my ED.
  • PerfectlyNormal
    PerfectlyNormal Posts: 5 Member
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    I feel the same way - I am going to regular therapy sessions and I have majorly cut down on my purging - but I find the bingeing is INCREDIBLY hard to stop.... Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this?
  • STAR4W
    STAR4W Posts: 11
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    I have tried to stay busy to help me with my binges. You ALL are right, purging is soooo addictive...more then the binging is. What has helped stave off alot of it is being broke, but then again when you want to B/P you will eat weird combos that you wouldn't normally touch.
  • STAR4W
    STAR4W Posts: 11
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    feel free to add me, we can always try to help each other.

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