Food and feelings

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susanjean62
susanjean62 Posts: 200
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My daughter is visiting from California,and so I had my ex(her dad) over for dinner,so they could have a nice day. Just thought it would be nice for both of them to have a home cooked meal. I keep my exercise equipment in my living room and my daughter ask to show me kettel ball exercises. I was showing her and saying how happy I was to be getting stronger and healthy. My ex piped up and said"except for the extra flap of skin on your arm". My feelings got so hurt,I just ran out of the room. Julie ask him why he would say that to me. Even though I am almost at goal and lost 50 pounds,my upper arms have extra skin,I can't seem to tighten and am self concious anyway. I told him he was an a******. I don't usually cuss. She made him come and apologize. Later,when he was alone,I told him I forgive him,because I wanted him to have a nice day with his daughter,but that I have worked very hard to lose weight and get strong. I don't know why he is so hateful. Probably because he just sits at home,has no exercise and wants to make me feel bad. Oh well. I am trying hard not to let this affect me,but now I don't even want to wear short sleeve tops. Any advice my dear ladies?

Replies

  • Aboele79
    Aboele79 Posts: 40
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    That is awful , he may well be doing it because he is jelaous that you are getting on and living your life. Good on you for living it no one else is going to do it for you. You handled the situation really well. I sometimes find that Venting is the best way to get it out and writing it here to people who know what you are dealing with first had ..that is some great support . Remember how far you have come. and what a journey its been and continues to be. Keep doing what you are doing :D xxx
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    He is just mean, would not cook for him again. He will start on greying hair or wrinkles next time, anything to pick on you! Too many people who appreciate you and make you feel good to be around, don't need him.
  • susanjean62
    susanjean62 Posts: 200
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    Thank you. I think it is because he is now on disability for a bad liver and diabetes(self inflicted) and does nothing to better his health. Really think he said that to knock me down a peg. Whatever. I will keep on my health journey(even with sagging arms). Have any of you experienced this? I didn't have this issue when I was younger and lost weight.
  • EvelynBfly78
    EvelynBfly78 Posts: 240 Member
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    I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. He hasn't any right to talk to you like that. He deserved being called an *kitten*****. You're doing really great with your weight loss & getting healthier. 50 pounds is an awesome accomplishment. Don't let him take that away from you. You deserve better. It's no wonder he's your ex.
  • bookworm_847
    bookworm_847 Posts: 1,903 Member
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    What a jerk! I don't usually cuss either, but I think you were totally justified in telling him he's an *kitten*. I don't have that issue with my arms (they're kind of Olive Oyl arms, but I'm working hard to fix that), but my sister does so I can really see how sensitive of an issue it is and how self-conscious she is about it. He's probably just jealous of all of the work you've done, or he's just trying to be hurtful. Either way, I hope you don't let his words tear you down. From what I can tell on the boards here, you're an amazing person who has worked very hard to accomplish what you have. I'm proud of you for keeping with it in spite of the challenges you've mentioned. Also, that was mighty mature of you to say you forgive him... I'm not sure if I would have been able to be the bigger person in that situation... so good for you!

    :flowerforyou:
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    I am also lifting with heavier weights 5 - 8 lbs, this seems to help. I think we loose muscle mass the older we get but my arms seem to be doing better with heavy lifting at the gym.
  • ladypinktulip
    ladypinktulip Posts: 75 Member
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    My daughter is visiting from California,and so I had my ex(her dad) over for dinner,so they could have a nice day. Just thought it would be nice for both of them to have a home cooked meal. I keep my exercise equipment in my living room and my daughter ask to show me kettel ball exercises. I was showing her and saying how happy I was to be getting stronger and healthy. My ex piped up and said"except for the extra flap of skin on your arm". My feelings got so hurt,I just ran out of the room. Julie ask him why he would say that to me. Even though I am almost at goal and lost 50 pounds,my upper arms have extra skin,I can't seem to tighten and am self concious anyway. I told him he was an a******. I don't usually cuss. She made him come and apologize. Later,when he was alone,I told him I forgive him,because I wanted him to have a nice day with his daughter,but that I have worked very hard to lose weight and get strong. I don't know why he is so hateful. Probably because he just sits at home,has no exercise and wants to make me feel bad. Oh well. I am trying hard not to let this affect me,but now I don't even want to wear short sleeve tops. Any advice my dear ladies?
    My heart goes out to you. My EX husband is a total jerk, I am quite certain that is why he is EX and not CURRENT. He abandoned our marriage of 21 years telling me I was too fat and because I had fibro he didn't want to take care of me later. He cheated on me at the same time. Now fast forward 2 years...I am remarried to a wonderful man and my EX has GAINED a bunch of weight and is in his 4th shack up relationship. They reap what they sow and the words they spit out, boomerang back. God bless you sweet sister.
  • ladypinktulip
    ladypinktulip Posts: 75 Member
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    Another side note........Our hearts are more important than our bodies. I used to say to people who made fun of me..."I may be fat but you are evil....and I can lose weight.....Get lost major loser....:laugh:
  • susanjean62
    susanjean62 Posts: 200
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    Thank you all for the great advice and kind words. I am over it and realize it was just a tactic to find something about me that was negative. People say mean things to try to make themselves look better. Whatever. Thanks,Brenda. I am going to look into lifting,but for now,I am greatful to be getting slim and healthy. I realized that I have to quit being dependent on how others view me and feel good about myself. I love you all. Have a great day :heart:
  • dawnp1833
    dawnp1833 Posts: 264 Member
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    I'm glad this guy is your ex. What a nasty thing to say after you've gone so far out of your way to give him a pleasant night with his daughter. I love your attitude and I'm happy to hear you're over it!

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