Cheating....
FitnessPalWorks
Posts: 1,128 Member
So a while back ago a friend of mine kept wanting me to "cover" for her while she was cheating on her husband.....
After months of this behavior I actually asked her to stop telling her husband she was hanging out with me because quite frankly I didn't want my name being used and I didn't want to be a part of all of that.
Our friendship has since suffered and now we are not speaking.
Just wondering if any of you have been put in such a position....
Or maybe if you have cheated, your perspective on this may help. I don't want to put anyone on the spot but I guess we all have had our share of crappy relationships.... and how it can lead to the behavior. I get it.
I'm just wondering how common this is if at all. I'm just really disappointed she was willing to throw away a 20-year friendship over her need to "venture out" and consistently use me as her wing-man when she wasn't even hanging out with me at all!!!
:ohwell:
After months of this behavior I actually asked her to stop telling her husband she was hanging out with me because quite frankly I didn't want my name being used and I didn't want to be a part of all of that.
Our friendship has since suffered and now we are not speaking.
Just wondering if any of you have been put in such a position....
Or maybe if you have cheated, your perspective on this may help. I don't want to put anyone on the spot but I guess we all have had our share of crappy relationships.... and how it can lead to the behavior. I get it.
I'm just wondering how common this is if at all. I'm just really disappointed she was willing to throw away a 20-year friendship over her need to "venture out" and consistently use me as her wing-man when she wasn't even hanging out with me at all!!!
:ohwell:
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Sort of...
My friend was in a very unhappy relationship with a very possessive guy. If she even came over to my house he'd get jealous because my roommate was a guy. So when she came over while my roomie had his friend over, her BF called and she had him talk to me and told me to tell him that it was just me so as to mollify him.
After we hung up I told her I never wanted to lie for her again. If she's THAT unhappy and he's THAT much of a freak then instead of lying and being scared she should just break up with him.
Eventually they did. We're still besties.0 -
When I was in my early 20s, there were probably a few times a friend asked me not to talk about a girl they hooked up with. I don't think any of my good friends would want me to cover an ongoing affair for them. I would be offended by this, especially if I was ever put in a social situation with the person they were cheating on.
I don't get the ongoing affairs. I'm against cheating altogether, but I at least understand the situations were someone goes out and gets wasted and does something stupid. At that point, they should talk to their partner about it or break up.
I've cheated ONCE in my life. On my 21st birthday, I went home with the bartender. Twice, I guess, if you count the next morning. I broke up with the girl I was dating within a week - after I figured out where I was and found my way home.
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I am friends with both these girls in this story. I am closer to Girl A than Girl B. Girl A was dating this nice guy. Super sweet, the hopeless romantic type, writes poetry, etc etc. They broke up after a while amicably. Girl B who was friends with Girl A, wanted to date the hopeless romantic guy. Girl A disapproved. She did not think Girl B would be a good match. Girl A thought Girl B would get bored with him eventually and break his heart. My friends, including myself thought Girl A was jelly and wanted to possibly get back with hopeless romantic guy.
Girl B and hopeless romantic dated. Girl B cheated on him with this other guy while they were bf/gf relationship status. I found out as did Girl A. Girl B asked me to not say anything. She was sorry and would never do it again. I was undecided about whether to stay quiet or tell hopeless romantic guy whom I was friends with as well . Girl A, however, decided to kick Girl B's *kitten*. Very next day a cat fight broke out between Girl A and Girl B which I had front row seats for. Hair pulling, clothes ripped, bruises, scrapes, bite marks, etc etc. Girl B and hopeless romantic guy broke up and Girl B began dating the other guy she had cheated on hopeless romantic with.
Fast forward a year and Girl B was going to marry the other guy! Girl A and Girl B were kinda sorta friends again and Girl B asked us to be in her wedding. We agreed only to find out a couple days before the wedding Girl B was banging yet ANOTHER guy. The other guy she was going to marry was clueless. Girl B acted aloof when we questioned it. Girl A and I decided we didn't give an F about the entire thing and said nothing. I more or less dropped contact with Girl B after the wedding and I later found out they divorced. Girl B dated yet another guy and they actually have been together for nearly 8 years and now have a baby boy.
I've personally never have cheated. I've been put in situations where the girl was willing to go behind her boyfriends back and sleep with me. I turned her down. I HAVE been cheated on and it sucks. I would never do it to someone else willingly.0 -
Wow, lacroyx..... just... WOW!!!!!!
I didn't go into detail of what my "former" friend put me through, but yours takes the cake. What a hot mess "Girl B" is...
What are the chances she's cheated on "Mr. 8 Years" and he just hasn't found out yet?0 -
I have nothing to share...
but I got to thinking --- if you knew your friend was cheating on their spouse, would you tell the spouse?
Someone recently shared quite the story with me, and I was floored they hadn't done anything with the information. They said it wasn't their place (which I guess it isn't) but wow! I mean, maybe atleast even steer the spouse into the info/right direction? no?
I think I'd want to know, or maybe not? I don't know EEK!0 -
I have nothing to share...
but I got to thinking --- if you knew your friend was cheating on their spouse, would you tell the spouse?
Someone recently shared quite the story with me, and I was floored they hadn't done anything with the information. They said it wasn't their place (which I guess it isn't) but wow! I mean, maybe atleast even steer the spouse into the info/right direction? no?
I think I'd want to know, or maybe not? I don't know EEK!
Wait, would I tell ON my friend? Of course not, never. Friends don't do that. What kind of horrible friend snitches on you? Friends are supposed to be able to trust each other and stick with each other through thick and thin. Not play judge and jury.
I would want to know I could tell my friends anything. Come to them for advice. Even if I was being a dirtbag.
Am I misunderstanding the question?0 -
I have nothing to share...
but I got to thinking --- if you knew your friend was cheating on their spouse, would you tell the spouse?
Someone recently shared quite the story with me, and I was floored they hadn't done anything with the information. They said it wasn't their place (which I guess it isn't) but wow! I mean, maybe atleast even steer the spouse into the info/right direction? no?
I think I'd want to know, or maybe not? I don't know EEK!
Wait, would I tell ON my friend? Of course not, never. Friends don't do that. What kind of horrible friend snitches on you? Friends are supposed to be able to trust each other and stick with each other through thick and thin. Not play judge and jury.
I would want to know I could tell my friends anything. Come to them for advice. Even if I was being a dirtbag.
Am I misunderstanding the question?
Well, I took it as you were friends with both the Husband and Wife. If one is cheating, do you tell the other to save the friendship with the responsible faithful half, or keep quiet to save the friendship with the cheater?0 -
cheating is just an invitation to way to much drama, more drama than im usually willing to go through. on the other hand, i'm OK with observing the HAM train wreck :laugh:
i was in a situation once where a female friend was cheating on her bf with another guy. she would tell her bf that she was with me and didnt think to tell me about it. the bf found out about it (well started to get a clue) when we were all out together and he mentioned some weekend my friend and i supposedly spent together but i had no idea what he was talking about . apparently that was the final proof an they eventually broke up.
i definitely wouldnt snitch on a friend BUT i would rather they keep my name out of whatever dirt they get into0 -
I have nothing to share...
but I got to thinking --- if you knew your friend was cheating on their spouse, would you tell the spouse?
Someone recently shared quite the story with me, and I was floored they hadn't done anything with the information. They said it wasn't their place (which I guess it isn't) but wow! I mean, maybe atleast even steer the spouse into the info/right direction? no?
I think I'd want to know, or maybe not? I don't know EEK!
Do not get involved.
Your friend will only end up resenting you.0 -
I have nothing to share...
but I got to thinking --- if you knew your friend was cheating on their spouse, would you tell the spouse?
Someone recently shared quite the story with me, and I was floored they hadn't done anything with the information. They said it wasn't their place (which I guess it isn't) but wow! I mean, maybe atleast even steer the spouse into the info/right direction? no?
I think I'd want to know, or maybe not? I don't know EEK!
Do not get involved.
Your friend will only end up resenting you.
This and it goes for both the husband and wife.
I had a hard enough covering for a friend that would sneak out when she was grounded in highschool I don't think I could cover for one that was cheating on a significant other.0 -
Well, I took it as you were friends with both the Husband and Wife. If one is cheating, do you tell the other to save the friendship with the responsible faithful half, or keep quiet to save the friendship with the cheater?
Oh, yeah.... That is a tough one. I think I'd have to side with whoever I knew first. But what a sh*tty situation.0 -
Oh about 10 yrs ago I had a guy friend who was friends with me and my then husband.. He came over 1 time with his GF..... I come to find out 9month later that he was using my house as a cover...Telling his GF that he was coming to my house to hang with my husband but she couldn't come cause I didn't like her.... Mind you I had no clue....
As to the telling the wife when the husband is cheating.....When I was pregnant with my son ,my husband cheated (he is still with her no 7 yr later) all of our mutual friend knew but no one wanted to tell me because I was having a very difficult pregnancy..... Afterwards when we split they al came forward and told me what they knew.. I never blamed them for not tellimg me because we had all been friends since high school including my husband..0 -
As to the telling the wife when the husband is cheating.....When I was pregnant with my son ,my husband cheated (he is still with her no 7 yr later) all of our mutual friend knew but no one wanted to tell me because I was having a very difficult pregnancy..... Afterwards when we split they al came forward and told me what they knew.. I never blamed them for not tellimg me because we had all been friends since high school including my husband..
Jen, From what I know of you, you are an unbelievably secure woman, and I admire that. Not sure most other women could handle that situation as well and not be upset with their friends - I know I certainly could not.0 -
awww thank you hun........ It was more understanding where they were in the mess..They would be betraying one or another of us no matter what the did... ANd they were mostly male which means they didn't want to have anything to do with the situation in the first place.Several of them were scared that I would end up in the hospital with the adidtional stress because I was having such a hard pregnancy0
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awww thank you hun........ It was more understanding where they were in the mess..They would be betraying one or another of us no matter what the did... ANd they were mostly male which means they didn't want to have anything to do with the situation in the first place.Several of them were scared that I would end up in the hospital with the adidtional stress because I was having such a hard pregnancy
makes a lot of sense, but still, kudos to you for handling it that way0 -
Wow... lots of good posts.....
In my case (relative to what I posted), my friend requested that I delete her husband from my FB page after knowing him as long as she did!!!!!!! I respected her wishes, but then she took it a step further and said, "Please make sure your friends don't put public posts up of you having fun with them if I've told my husband I'm with you in XXXXdifferent city".... no joke!!! She wanted to suppress MY actual social life to accommodate HER cheating!!!!!
That's when I had to draw the line. Way too much drama, I didn't want to be involved, and what was I to say to my friends? "Hey, my friend Michelle (fake name) is cheating on her husband and using me as an alibi, so can you not tag me in all those awesome pics we took at the river last weekend, or the pics of the bar that's an hour where she's meeting her rendexvous dude, etc?"
I mean seriously? LOL!!! *SMDH*0 -
Well, I took it as you were friends with both the Husband and Wife. If one is cheating, do you tell the other to save the friendship with the responsible faithful half, or keep quiet to save the friendship with the cheater?
Oh, yeah.... That is a tough one. I think I'd have to side with whoever I knew first. But what a sh*tty situation.
This is the situation. Husband and wife. And the person who knows is ones sibling.0 -
Wow... lots of good posts.....
In my case (relative to what I posted), my friend requested that I delete her husband from my FB page after knowing him as long as she did!!!!!!! I respected her wishes, but then she took it a step further and said, "Please make sure your friends don't put public posts up of you having fun with them if I've told my husband I'm with you in XXXXdifferent city".... no joke!!! She wanted to suppress MY actual social life to accommodate HER cheating!!!!!
That's when I had to draw the line. Way too much drama, I didn't want to be involved, and what was I to say to my friends? "Hey, my friend Michelle (fake name) is cheating on her husband and using me as an alibi, so can you not tag me in all those awesome pics we took at the river last weekend, or the pics of the bar that's an hour where she's meeting her rendexvous dude, etc?"
I mean seriously? LOL!!! *SMDH*
Wow wtf?!?! That'd be enough for me to unfriend her.0 -
Oh yeah. She's out of my life. For good......
The odd thing is she used to ALWAYS say, "You have so many friends, I don't know how you even make time for me"....
Blah blah. I make time for EVERYONE.
Her loss.0
