Weight loss OCD
98777
Posts: 108 Member
Hello,
I'm doing okay with my weight loss right now. It's slow but steady. The problem is that I sometimes get really frequent OCD that I can't help but to indulge, and it's related to weight loss.
I will feel the urge to sit down and write out all the numbers of lb's for my weight loss. I start with my highest weight and go down one by one to where I am now and then go down to my goal. I will write it out in Word documents or on a calculator, like this:
178 177 176 175 174 173 172 171 170 169 168 167 166 165 164 163......162 161 160 (and all the way down to my goal of 130....I'm at 163 right now).
I do it once and then it doesn't feel right. It still feels uncertain and anxious, so then I have to do it again. Before I know it I've done it about ten times. And it feels like I cannot help but to do it. Also, sometimes I will zone out during it because it is boring and tedious. Then there's absolutely no feeling of validation and I've wasted another round and I have to stop and start over again.
I will also sometimes do this for calories I will eat that day in a similar fashion. I think I do this because I have relapsed on weight loss in the past, so I have anxiety about staying on track. The OCD rituals are a way for me to feel more safe and reassured in my goals. Regardless, they're very annoying and unhealthy.
Has anyone else experienced this? And what can I do to stop doing it? Should I just do it one good time and then move on, therefore just learning to manage the uncertainty each day?
I'm doing okay with my weight loss right now. It's slow but steady. The problem is that I sometimes get really frequent OCD that I can't help but to indulge, and it's related to weight loss.
I will feel the urge to sit down and write out all the numbers of lb's for my weight loss. I start with my highest weight and go down one by one to where I am now and then go down to my goal. I will write it out in Word documents or on a calculator, like this:
178 177 176 175 174 173 172 171 170 169 168 167 166 165 164 163......162 161 160 (and all the way down to my goal of 130....I'm at 163 right now).
I do it once and then it doesn't feel right. It still feels uncertain and anxious, so then I have to do it again. Before I know it I've done it about ten times. And it feels like I cannot help but to do it. Also, sometimes I will zone out during it because it is boring and tedious. Then there's absolutely no feeling of validation and I've wasted another round and I have to stop and start over again.
I will also sometimes do this for calories I will eat that day in a similar fashion. I think I do this because I have relapsed on weight loss in the past, so I have anxiety about staying on track. The OCD rituals are a way for me to feel more safe and reassured in my goals. Regardless, they're very annoying and unhealthy.
Has anyone else experienced this? And what can I do to stop doing it? Should I just do it one good time and then move on, therefore just learning to manage the uncertainty each day?
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Replies
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Hi hunni. I have not experienced this sorry...though I do have certain weight-focused obsessions such as weighing everyday and writing my weight on the calendar every 3 days minimum and i write down all my measurements in my diary and my bmi and then i calculate the difference between my current measurements and the last time i measured and then my lowest measurements. I dont log food or weight loss on here anymore because it was killing me! I was obsessed with numbers but it still didnt stop me eating too much...does that make sense? On another note, i count constantly in my head when there is silence or when im stressed, just in the same monotonous, tedious way you do, and whilst im counting (this is really weird) i will either make a pattern on my lips with my tongue or touch each of my fingertips on my thumb for each number. I always count up though, never down.
Are you diagnosed with the actual OCD disorder or do you just have a couple of traits? Also do you have any therapy?
Oh I forgot, when i weigh myself, I also convert it into all different measurements-kg, lbs, stones. Its funny because our weight goals are very similar....I am 165 and want to be 131 lbs.
I dont know how to articulate this very well, and im not a therapist, im just bouncing around ideas here, but is the OCD actually related to weight loss or is just numbers? Do you display any behaviours that are related to weight loss but not numbers? Like you refuse to touch anything with glucose in it, for example? And do you perform certain tasks a certain amount of times every time? Im just trying to understand more here and get a better picture of your struggle-i understand that you want to focus on the weight loss behaviours, but sometimes its easier to suggest a possible solution, if you get a wider view of the problem...does that make sense? And when you go through this ritual of writing down the pounds, is there a certain point when you feel satisfied (I know you said you dont feel satisfied when you zone out and have to start again)?
You have yourself identified that your rituals are to prevent anxiety and stress and make you feel safe and reassured -do you feel safe and reassured in the rest of your life? I know you may think some of these questions are totally irrelevant, or none of my business, but sometimes things can be linked, and you dont even have to answer me, just think about what im saying and know the answer yourself.
If you do have a therapist and/or psychiatrist maybe ask for medication? Though i know that route isnt liked by some patients.
Im sorry if this didnt help at all, but like i said, you dont give much info, so its hard to comment.
Oh aswell, have you ever done this behaviour when trying to lose weight previously? And do you only do it when weight goes down, or up too?
Sorry for the giant thesis!!! Regards, Charlie0
