Hi,

I'm very sorry you've had such a hard life, but you sound like a very strong, resilient person. I think it's amazing that you're trying so hard to fight your problems with food. Great job! I know exactly what you mean about food being a best friend and worst enemy. I struggle with compulsive over-eating also.

I would guess that you are over-eating in general because there is an emotional need that is not being met in your life so you fill it with food. I am a very lonely person who struggles with various mental illnesses, too, and I often get depressed and turned to food because there is no other immediate escape.

I have also noticed that I rarely feel happy, content, and free from anxiety, so when I do (like when I am in a good mind-state and I'm sitting down to watch a TV show I love and I am relaxed without anxiety), I always try to raise the level of happiness as high as possible to make it last. By this I mean that I try to overeat greatly at these times. That's a bit surprising to me because usually you wouldn't think you'd need extra food when you're happy.

So I would say try to figure out your emotions when you want to overeat. Maybe even write them down in a journal. Are you lonely? Grief-stricken? Anxious? Figure out what and then distract yourself. Find another form of expression and healing. Later you should try to work on fixing these deep-seated emotional problems or alleviating them. It will get easier over time, I promise. Good luck!

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I would guess that you are over-eating in general because there is an emotional need that is not being met in your life so you fill it with food. I am a very lonely person who struggles with various mental illnesses, too, and I often get depressed and turned to food because there is no other immediate escape.

THIS!!!! oh em gee!!! Thank you for saying this it never dawned on me!! I can tell you immediately what that emotional need is............Im a stay at home mom with NO friends in real life to visit with!!!! Im very very lonely!!!! I "know" my sisters friends, we hang out when Im at my sisters but none of them acknowledge me in any way shape or form and I often wonder am I annoying? am I ugly? am I too fat? is it because Im not a heavy drinker like them all? IS it because I decided to have kids and not stay single and party ? Ive just recently discovered that I shouldnt worry about them..........theyre obviously not good for my life anyway right? I guess what Im looking for is friends!! honest to goodness friends who are there for me unconditionally. Im a partylite consultant (a new one) and have yet to have my first party because everyone i know............lets see thats how many hundreds on my FB page? will have a party for me or even come to my parties. It upsets me that i go through all this trouble of setting things up to be let down by the same people whos events i ALWAYS attend!!!

I really do thank you!!! you just made it click in my head that i need to somehow "get over" it and move on...........how come i could grieve my own son so easily and "move on" with my life and yet i cant move on from these people who are bad for me anyway? now thats what i need to figure out!

You're very welcome, glad I could help. There's nothing wrong with you. Don't let others make you feel that way. If they reject you, they're not worth having as friends. It's great that you know this and are staying true to yourself. Good luck, I'm sure you can fix your emotional eating!

Oh my god guys!!
Ive just read this whole thread and i am filling up!
I feel so many of the things you describe too, especially the loneliness-but not just lonely, but also alone. I have no real life friends-I used to, but...
My eating disorder (bulimia) started at age 12 also, as did cutting.

Sometimes, I overeat because I am not just alone...but the being alone also causes boredom..and food gives me pleasure AND something to do!! It is weird, because the busier and happier I am, the less I eat, meaning major restriction. This is going to sound ridiculous, and i have only just thought of it while replying, but i think its because when i am busy with social and employment activities and feel happier, i feel powerful and like i dont need to eat, because i am strong....stupid right?

With your baby, did you know about the heart defect, or was it found after his passing? Because it is thought that when friends/relatives know someone is very ill and may die, they start grieving even before the person is gone. Which may be why you found it easier to deal with. Also you had a specific reason for this event (the heart defect), whereas with your friend problems and bullying issues, you are still questioning WHY everyday. And this feeling that you developed in childhood of not being good enough amd feeling let down and perhaps abandoned, is being reinforced to you everyday, its not an isolated incident. And maybe you think it is your fault? Whereas you know you did the best for your child. The friendship problems arent your fault by the way. I hope I havent upset you, bringing all this up again.

If you ever want to chat in private, even about non mental health issues, my inbox is open...as it is for everyone. Oh, and in my house, my dad had the issues, but he didnt leave until i was eighteen, and then he continued to male mine and my moms lives hard.

Im glad you havent binged recently, well done!!

charlie xx