Why am I shamed for being vegan?
Meg_Shirley_86
Posts: 275 Member
I am a recent convert. My husband and I researched like crazy, and simultaneously decided we didn't want to eat meat anymore. A few days later, we realized we didn't really miss dairy or eggs either. I hate to say the transition was easy, because I know it is for some, but it was fun for us, and we are not going back. I was aware of the preachy vegan stereotype, and I didn't really buy into it, but I knew I didn't want to be condescending to others about their personal food choices, and wanted to keep this decision as private as possible. All in all, I don't find that what we choose to eat is very interesting! I love to cook, and I love to discuss recipes, but I feel that it's a personal choice. So far, the most I've disclosed about this (outside of this site) is this:
-If someone approaches me at my desk while I am eating lunch, and asks what I'm having, I answer them.
-If someone is stopping by my home a bit unexpectedly, I let them know that I am making such-and-such for lunch, and they are welcome to have some, but I make them aware that there are no animal products in my home, so they don't feel blindsided.
I thought that if I wasn't obnoxious about it, and if I respected others, I would be fine for the most part. I was so wrong.
Omnivores feel threatened by my personal choices in food, which happen either at my desk at work or in my own private home. I've been, for lack of a better term, harassed and actually been called names for it. I feel like I have lost friends already. I have a friend at work whose wife went from saying how much she loved me, and generously inviting my family over and giving us loads of great clothes for the baby boy we are expecting to private messaging me and saying I was a stupid, brainless hippie. I told her that I understand that some people are obnoxious and pushy, but that I was raised just like she was (old school Italian) that I knew it was an uncommon way of living and don't expect anyone to understand or accommodate me. Still, she pressed on with a tirade, and she's hardly the only one. I have been told that I'm one of those helicopter moms who slather their kids in antibacterial stuff and won't let their kids play on the playground, etc, etc...... which is unbelievably untrue on all counts. She's hardly the only one, in fact I respect her the most because she's at least up front. I have family members who are practically disowning me and treating me like some sort of traitor....
Definitely a TL;DR, I know, I just wanted to see if I'm alone here....
-If someone approaches me at my desk while I am eating lunch, and asks what I'm having, I answer them.
-If someone is stopping by my home a bit unexpectedly, I let them know that I am making such-and-such for lunch, and they are welcome to have some, but I make them aware that there are no animal products in my home, so they don't feel blindsided.
I thought that if I wasn't obnoxious about it, and if I respected others, I would be fine for the most part. I was so wrong.
Omnivores feel threatened by my personal choices in food, which happen either at my desk at work or in my own private home. I've been, for lack of a better term, harassed and actually been called names for it. I feel like I have lost friends already. I have a friend at work whose wife went from saying how much she loved me, and generously inviting my family over and giving us loads of great clothes for the baby boy we are expecting to private messaging me and saying I was a stupid, brainless hippie. I told her that I understand that some people are obnoxious and pushy, but that I was raised just like she was (old school Italian) that I knew it was an uncommon way of living and don't expect anyone to understand or accommodate me. Still, she pressed on with a tirade, and she's hardly the only one. I have been told that I'm one of those helicopter moms who slather their kids in antibacterial stuff and won't let their kids play on the playground, etc, etc...... which is unbelievably untrue on all counts. She's hardly the only one, in fact I respect her the most because she's at least up front. I have family members who are practically disowning me and treating me like some sort of traitor....
Definitely a TL;DR, I know, I just wanted to see if I'm alone here....
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I feel your pain. I went plant based a year and a half ago, and I still get grief from those around me. For some reason people seem to take it personally if you don't eat meat. I am also not preachy, and don't tell others what they should be eating. The only exception is if someone approaches me and asks how I have lost so much weight, then I will tell them I do not eat meat, dairy, or any animal products. Lately it has happened a lot, and it really gets to me. Even my kids will come into the kitchen when I am making food and say ewwwwww. I have three kids and a hubby at home, and I am the only one who eats this way, so that is interesting. I wish that people would just get over it already!!0
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I'm not vegan but vegetarian (I make lots of vegan meals) but I really don't tell anyone unless they press about it. I also don't "warn" people about my meals not having meat in them, or cheese since I'm allergic to most dairy.0
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So sorry you are going through this! i had people react quite rudely too when i first went vegan. it's because it makes them question their own morals and choices which makes them uncomfortable. But as time goes on (i've been vegan for 2 yrs), people just accept it and see it as part of who i am. they can take it or leave it. For the most part, I am private about it as well, at least I was at first, but more and more I see it as my obligation to the animals and the planet to let people know the truth (because I wish I had known it long long ago). But it's hardly the only thing I talk about or am interested in and have many friends and family who aren't vegan (and many who were inspired and also decided not to exploit animals anymore). In any case, if they are your true friends, they will accept you no matter what. Don't be ashamed! You are doing a very commendable and compassionate thing! A lot of people just don't understand because are stuck in the traditional way of thinking of animals as something instead of someone who wanted to live. It will get better! :flowerforyou:0
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The vegan journey at this point is still the path less traveled and can be viewed as something abnormal or even threatening to others 'normal' lifestyle. I have been a vegan for 4 1/2 years and have truly traveled this path alone. How wonderful for you to have your husband side by side in this awakening choice. It also makes me smile from ear to ear that your child will be raised in a vegan home and only know compassion in the foods that he consumes. Truly these are amazing blessings to your vegan journey that has just begun.
As for others and their judgments. I tend to just not engage them in their negative thoughts or words. You can tell when someone is truly interested and then I will tell them my story and journey into the vegan lifestyle. If others want to try my dishes I don't tell them it is vegan because it is real food, real natural whole food. I don't need to make excuses for that.
Now for family. I was raised on a farm where we raised cattle and ate the animals that I had fed that morning. My family also hunted and fished and continue to do so. When I go home I bring 2 bags of groceries and an ice chest full of food. I make my own meals and side dishes that the family can share. I politely decline all the foods they prepare with animal products and happily eat my vegan dishes with a happy heart and conscious.
This is my go to answer to the rest of the world of why I became vegan. "When I became informed about the way that animal products affect my body from a cardiologist I started to rethink my idea of food. When I became aware of the process of the beef, chicken, and dairy industry I no longer wanted to consume those items. As I began not consuming the animal products I awakened to the animal suffering and the planet's decline based solely on animal consumption. I am not here to preach to the world of what to do or not to do BUT every time I place a piece of food in my mouth I know I am not contributing to anything I don't believe in. Veganism is something that truly resonates with the heart of me. Physically and spiritually."
Feel free to friend me if you want more support on this vegan journey.0 -
next month is going to be 1 year of no animal meat for me, journey has been good so far but a few people dropped out of my Facebook "friends", I don't get invited to certain gatherings, Summer time is the worst all the pool party talks are all about cooking/grilling meats and people still can't accept that I don't do that anymore, my wife and kids still don't fully understand why I do "this", my inlaws think I'm nuts let see the list can go on and on, on the flip side couple co workers are really interested in this "life style" and have started consuming less meat and seek my opinion on vegetarian cooking. My mom and sister (both live in Italy) understand what I'm trying to do and fully support it they too are trying to make changes... my brother on the other hand is an extremist .... yeah he has been a frutarian for the last 2 years !!!0
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I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I think you hit the nail on the head with the first part of your last paragraph, though. They are threatened by you. It makes them rethink thier own ideas about what they are eating and there are lots of people who fear change and would rather belittle you than take a long hard look at themselves.
Luckily I live in super "crunchy" New England and everybody considers me a bit offbeat to begin with so the worst reaction I've gotten is a little friendly jeering and mostly curiousity. Most everybody knows that I'm vegetarian (I still eat raw honey so I'm technically not vegan), but I'm not in people's faces about it. I try to focus on the joyful side of it when people ask me questions like how great I feel and how it's helped my spiritual journey and pysche.
I was most nervous to tell my parents about going veg but they actually have been really supportive and like everyone else mostly just curious. My father is an avid hunter and oldschool outdoorsman so I thought he would be totally critical but he has been surprisingly cool with the whole thing.
Just keep smiling and doing what's right for you and don't worry about the haters! True friends will come around or you'll find new ones that are accepting.
If you like add me as a friend on here :flowerforyou:0 -
I feel your pain. I went plant based a year and a half ago, and I still get grief from those around me. For some reason people seem to take it personally if you don't eat meat. I am also not preachy, and don't tell others what they should be eating. The only exception is if someone approaches me and asks how I have lost so much weight, then I will tell them I do not eat meat, dairy, or any animal products. Lately it has happened a lot, and it really gets to me. Even my kids will come into the kitchen when I am making food and say ewwwwww. I have three kids and a hubby at home, and I am the only one who eats this way, so that is interesting. I wish that people would just get over it already!!
That sounds so tough! I am lucky that my husband happened to even pay any attention to the documentary I was watching that got our whole process going. I don't know if I would transition very easily if he hadn't been so on board. Thank you and congratulations on your weight loss and your tenacity in sticking with this! Wow!0 -
Thanks for all of your input folks. I was somewhat prepared to have to deal with people's inquisitions, but not quite enough. I do think I will heed the advice though of not "warning" others about the food at my house. I am in IT now, but I went to Culinary school, and I know what I'm doing in the kitchen. I felt that I needed to warn certain people in my friends and family, because plates that aren't 50% meat, 25%bread, 25% potato are foreign to them. Some veggies that aren't corn or potatoes being on a plate is enough to scare many of them all by itself. My mom has been supportive, though I know she's confounded by the concept. She said to me, "If you don't eat meat, eggs, or dairy, what DO you eat?" I listed off many things, including things I had cooked for her and that she gave rave reviews. Now she's wanting to learn for herself, because she has high cholesterol and is Type II Diabetic. We are watching Forks Over Knives tonight at her apartment, and I am bringing a dish
This is pretty surprising, because she did all the cooking when I was a kid, and I'm pretty sure I had three servings of veggies my whole childhood! :laugh: 0 -
Vegan since Sept 2011.
I had a few friends react badly, too. I don't go around telling people I'm vegan and many people who are around me daily haven't even caught on. I won't even tell people who visit my house or I invite for dinner. People just don't seem to notice if the spread is nice enough.
When people do find out, and they start asking questions, I'm simply ask them first, "Do you really want to talk about this? Because I find that food is right up there with religion and politics. I don't feel like ruining my day with an argument I've already had 50 times." That usually weeds out most. If they keep at it and start arguing I'll say, "Look, you're not telling me anything I haven't already heard or anything I haven't already researched for myself. Alright?"
Now, there are people who like to poke jabs at it for fun once in awhile, so I'll poke right back. For example, we have a garden at work. A big squash was brought in. Girl says to me, "Look Agustin, something for you to eat!" and I retorted, "Yeah, I'll eat it. God knows you won't unless it's covered in glaze and sprinkles."
Give as good as I get. But I never give first. I hate pain-in-the-*kitten* vegans, too.0 -
^^^Now, I'm a married woman, but dammit if I don't love you. Thanks for the response!Vegan since Sept 2011.
I had a few friends react badly, too. I don't go around telling people I'm vegan and many people who are around me daily haven't even caught on. I won't even tell people who visit my house or I invite for dinner. People just don't seem to notice if the spread is nice enough.
When people do find out, and they start asking questions, I'm simply ask them first, "Do you really want to talk about this? Because I find that food is right up there with religion and politics. I don't feel like ruining my day with an argument I've already had 50 times." That usually weeds out most. If they keep at it and start arguing I'll say, "Look, you're not telling me anything I haven't already heard or anything I haven't already researched for myself. Alright?"
Now, there are people who like to poke jabs at it for fun once in awhile, so I'll poke right back. For example, we have a garden at work. A big squash was brought in. Girl says to me, "Look Agustin, something for you to eat!" and I retorted, "Yeah, I'll eat it. God knows you won't unless it's covered in glaze and sprinkles."
Give as good as I get. But I never give first. I hate pain-in-the-*kitten* vegans, too.0 -
I have spent my whole life swimming against the tide, from a natural, unmedicated childbirth with my children (and home no less), nursing past six weeks, homeschooling, eating first a whole foods and now a vegan diet. I am very familiar with how people react when what you do is the complete opposite of their choices. I try not to bring things up unless I'm asked. I also am also know for the phrase, "This is what works for me/my family." They can't argue with that - they aren't in it. I also cut short any debate for the sake of debating. If they are interested in finding out more information, I would be happy to discuss it. But arguing for the sake of argument, nope. Not interested. I have tried very hard not to be the natural birth/breastfeeding/homeschooling/vegan nazi.
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People just don't want to know the truth about their meat.
It must be a threat to entertain the idea of harming a living creature for their own pleasure. I guess it's easier not to think about it.
I feel like I've just woken up to reality this year . Now that I know I cannot be a part of the industry.
It can be difficult when socialising with friends though.
When I'm done explaining my choices to a silent table of active listeners I go n to tell them how great I feel with all of the extra vegetables in my diet. Extra energy etc.
Some are kind enough to say I look so well too- so that diffuses the situation a bit for me and we move on.
I have had slightly more passive aggression from people who seem to think I have an eating disorder.
Lol - I love food.
Always a new awkward moment when you try to change a set menu.... A hidden eye roll etc.
Ethnic restaurants are they most flexible!0 -
Basically, people who challenge what has been set out and accepted by society as "this is the truth because we say so just accept it and don't question it" make the people who are not strong enough to challenge that uncomfortable.
In my experience (as a 20-something year old vegan with a generally very liberal, intelligent social circle), people don't shame so much as become apologists. Apologize for eating meat in front of me, apologize because they could never give up cheese, insist they don't eat steak "that often", etc. I think it's interesting, because the fact that they feel the need to apologize makes me think they really do realize, on some level, what they're doing is wrong.0 -
I have to cook two separate different meals in my home. I put up with being made fun of and eventually they stopped.
my daughter went vegan just because she is 6 and liked my meals better. I refuse to let others bother me..I am living proof
that it is a healthy life style.0 -
I went through a very hard period where I felt like I was constantly being battered for my change in food choice. I was the main cook for our group of friends- and still will happily cook for any of them, but our family's choice to change last September did not go over well. I had friends insult me, scream at me, ridicule me, and ignore me. I"m trying to avoid losing more friends. I worry about my 9 year old daughter who I can't convince to not talk about being Vegan- who now no longer gets invited to sleep overs.
I am not someone who really talks about being vegan outside of the Vegan groups I join, with the exception of my husband and kids and one friend who is forever asking me questions. I've kind of gotten gun shy about uttering the V word. It didn't even go well talking to my family doctor about it. Ignorance IS Bliss- anyone challenging it will always cause a problem. My friend who asks the questions- each time I tell her... "are you sure you want to know? You can't unlearn things." I do not regret out decision AT ALL, I'm happier and healthier then I have ever been, I would never choose ignorance again, but that isn't most people based upon my experiences.
I've gotten "in trouble" for even posting interesting health articles on my Facebook page and most of them have nothing to do with plant based eating. I had to have a talk with a friend about it the other day- if you can post your politics, anti-gun issues, 10001 meaningless sayings you found funny - why can't I talk about what interests me. Right now that's health in general. It's one of those I know why they're pissed off but I really don't know why. I can think of maybe 3 vegan comments I made in 9 months and they were all things I found funny- gorilla comic about where he gets his protein, vegan bingo...and I can't even think what the 3rd would have been. Oh well.
Won't it be funny someday when we're more of a majority? It will happen. At the moment I'd settle for not feeling like the only Vegan in my area. I fully admit to stalking vegan products at the stores in hoping to find someone within 10 years of my age reaching for them. Has not happened yet.0 -
I watched Forks over Knives and I was instantly convinced to make the switch to Vegan, also Vegucation is another video I watched, I was horrified at the way animals are handled and treated... my big ole' heart wrenched... I knew I could never eat another animal again.0
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Team Vegan people please friend me, I'm am looking for support since I am new to the vegan lifestyle, thanks.0
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feel free to friend me.0
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Vegans are shamed because it is unknown grounds for some, and we all fear of the unknown.
Plus, vegan is a minority.
If this was a peaceful world and everyone was vegan and there were no animal farms and no animal cruelty and someone brutally slaughtered, murdered and proceeded to EAT a fellow animal. They would judged.
It is socily acceptable to murder sentient beings. Logical process of someone clogged up with disease, mucus, toxins, and a foggy mind would say "well then it is unacceptable not to murder animals".
People don't always think for themselves, hence unthoughtful criticism.0 -
Sorry you are going through this, my experiences have been nothing like it. I do find eating out with new people a pain as they will always ask why I'm vegan why don't I eat whatever it is on the table that I am not eating. After I explain it they will then say 'sheesh stop preaching about being vegan, I love steak you are never going to convert me, why do vegans have to go on all the time?'
It's a headache.
However, the past year I have given up bread, rice and potatoes as I'm finding they make me very sleepy. A couple months ago when joining mfp I realised my carbs were high anyway. People seem to also take great offense that I don't eat these things, they also seem to think I'm trying to convert them to atkins just by explaining why I won't have bread when they ask. So really I think its just that people don't want their eating habits threatened and feel for every person who eats differently, their way of life could change.
Also, people are weird.0 -
Good come backs! usually im not so quick with them and I usually just get upset and hold it in ....ill have to remember some of these, youre right about just giving it right back though so then they'll usually back off...0
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Vegan since Sept 2011.
I had a few friends react badly, too. I don't go around telling people I'm vegan and many people who are around me daily haven't even caught on. I won't even tell people who visit my house or I invite for dinner. People just don't seem to notice if the spread is nice enough.
When people do find out, and they start asking questions, I'm simply ask them first, "Do you really want to talk about this? Because I find that food is right up there with religion and politics. I don't feel like ruining my day with an argument I've already had 50 times." That usually weeds out most. If they keep at it and start arguing I'll say, "Look, you're not telling me anything I haven't already heard or anything I haven't already researched for myself. Alright?"
Now, there are people who like to poke jabs at it for fun once in awhile, so I'll poke right back. For example, we have a garden at work. A big squash was brought in. Girl says to me, "Look Agustin, something for you to eat!" and I retorted, "Yeah, I'll eat it. God knows you won't unless it's covered in glaze and sprinkles."
Give as good as I get. But I never give first. I hate pain-in-the-*kitten* vegans, too.
Good come backs! usually im not so quick with them and I usually just get upset and hold it in ....ill have to remember some of these, youre right about just giving it right back though so then they'll usually back off...0 -
You are definitely not alone. I'm very low-key about it and it still offends people and makes them angry. I try to tell myself it's about them and not about me, but it's hard when people go off about what you choose to eat (the usual context in which it comes up.)
Vegan since 2006.0 -
Yeah, you aren't alone. I've been eating a plant based diet for a year now and I've run in several races, 2 half marathons and a full since giving up meat and working on my first marathon next year since deciding to eat vegan and recently while eating out with some friends I had one who is about as big around as he is tall trying to convince me that I need to eat more steak. Ummm...yeah, OK. LOL!
For me I'm not preachy about it either, I tend to keep it to myself and only tell people about my dietary habits when necessary, partially because I don't want to hear why eating plant based is so "wrong" and "awful" and "weird".0 -
My husband and I just decided in February to become vegans and the hostility and/or being made fun of is surprising. At least we are older so outright meanness from strangers is rare. We are not preachy or even do it for moral reasons. We just decided it would be a healthy way of living. AND we love food, so the commitment is still shaky.
I was at my doctors office and when I mentioned we had switched to vegan the receptionist snorted and then rolled her eyes in an extremely 12-year-old-mean-girl style. Very unbecoming in a 50ish woman. So I said, yeah, we were thinking instead about the five day diet where you eat 2 days of as much cabbage as you want, nothing else, 2 days of only ice cream, as much as you want and one day of juice only diet with a coffee enema. She SERIOUSLY asked me if I thought that would work. I made up the most disgusting, unhealthy thing I could think of, and she took that more seriously than a healthy meatless, dairy-less life choice of eating. I can only SMH at the ignorance.0 -
That's hilarious! It reminds me of when I was losing weight after having my son. One of my husband's friends kept asking me what my secret was and was always super disappointed that it was counting calories and exercising. I don't know why people would rather alternate days of eating cabbage and ice cream than just eat a healthy diet!0
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I've dealt with this kind of stuff for years. I totally know what you're going through.
I'll tell you what two things made all the difference for me:
1. "Your body keeps an accurate record no matter what you say you eat."
People wanted to criticize me for what I was doing, but all I had to do was take off my shirt, show how strong and lean I was, compete against them, explain to them how healthy I was and how I never get sick, how much weight I had lost, etc. and they had nothing to say.
2. The second thing was really knowing my stuff. Once I had a solid philosophy of nutrition as well as the research and common sense to back up what I was talking about, once again, it shut them down.
A big part of keeping your friends is to present yourself in such a way as to not be confrontational or demeaning in any way. Show them evidence when they ask for it, but most of all--live a life that they want to emulate...pretty soon they will be knocking on your door;)0 -
Oh man, I completely feel your pain. I went vegetarian in middle school and I got everything from kids pretending their hamburgers were mooing at me (how this was supposed to make the case for eating them, I still don't know) to being the only person of my race at a barbecue and having a bunch of kids look at me with absolute incredulousness and ask, "White people don't eat any meat????" to the meaner ones who would try to trick me into eating meat, throw Slim Jims at me, or ask the incredibly original questions like, "Fine, but what about animal crackers?" I can't imagine how much worse it would have been if I were completely vegan!
Being older is pretty great because now I live in a fairly hipster neighborhood, so I get the apologists more that the antagonizers. I still hate it when people say stuff like, "oh I did that once but I didn't get enough ______" (<~~~insert protein, iron, ect. stereotype there.)
Stay strong!
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I eat about 90% vegan and have been veggie for 22.5 years. I used to just put up and shut up with the taunts and jibes and name calling... but over the years I have lost patience for it. Now I answer back (politely but firmly) and remove people from my friend circles if they can't accept my way of life. In particular I have unfriended/blocked acquaintances on social media - I don't need them or their bad attitudes.
You have all the friends you need on here :-)0 -
I totally agree with your statement regarding people's rationalizations or apologies at the mere mention of vegetarianism. I have been vegetarian for 20 years leaning more vegan the last 5. I love seeing the muscle development I have had in in the last 6 months on a mostly vegan diet. I can't wait to see the next 6 months as I start lifting heavy weights (nrol4w) and show you don't need to eat animals to be healthy and strong. In general I try to be pretty diplomatic though to meat eaters. I think they are good peeps generally, but probably think they'd live off carrots and twigs if they didn't eat meat.Basically, people who challenge what has been set out and accepted by society as "this is the truth because we say so just accept it and don't question it" make the people who are not strong enough to challenge that uncomfortable.
In my experience (as a 20-something year old vegan with a generally very liberal, intelligent social circle), people don't shame so much as become apologists. Apologize for eating meat in front of me, apologize because they could never give up cheese, insist they don't eat steak "that often", etc. I think it's interesting, because the fact that they feel the need to apologize makes me think they really do realize, on some level, what they're doing is wrong.0
