Confessions of a (previously) gluten-free failure
G30Grrl
Posts: 377 Member
Hi, I'm Tracey.
It was 12 years ago that I discovered my gluten intolerance. Although I could not afford the blood test (college student with no insurance), my difficulties thinking, remembering things, and staying awake prompted me to start tracking what I was eating, and gluten turned out to be the culprit. When I went gluten free, it was my calculus study group that first noticed the changes in me. They commented that I was no longer swearing or getting frustrated while working on some of the more difficult problems. I was sometimes even able to see answers to some of the problems several lines before we got to the actual answer. I felt so much more clear-headed! After about 3 months of GF eating, I ate something I thought was gluten free, but it wasn't. I got horribly ill. Over time, I discovered that it was only when I ate 100% clean that I got terribly sick when I did ingest gluten. As long as I kept a low level of gluten in my system (by eating regular soy sauce, not monitoring my condiments for hidden ingredients, and eating soups that used wheat as a thickener), I could handle the occasional gluten-laden meals with only the tiredness, mental fog, and some intestinal discomfort as a result. Over the years, this became an ongoing excuse to "cheat" on occasion. Thus began the gluten roller-coaster.
I would be mostly clean for weeks, then cheat, and repeat. Over the past couple of years, the cheats got worse. They became binges, and they were occurring with more frequency, and lasting longer. I developed this mindset that 'since I already cheated yesterday, I have to start over anyway, so I may as well have some pizza today.' Being in a relationship with a foodie like myself (We both love to cook, to eat, and to try new delicious foods) has made it even easier to rationalize the cheating this past year. In the past few months, there have been more cheat days than GF days. And I rationalized it all away.
Aching joints? Hey, I'm 47; my joints are supposed to ache.
Tired all the time? Well, I AM getting older, and besides, insomnia makes me tired.
Brain fog? Well, I haven't been sleeping very well, so of course I will be a bit foggy.
Can't do math anymore? Well, naturally; I'm out of practice!
Constipation? I haven't been eating enough fiber or drinking enough water.
Diarrhea? Ate too much citrus. Besides, I'm under stress.
Eczema is getting worse? I must need more sun.
Purple circles under my eyes? I must not have slept well enough.
Chronic heartburn is back? Must be stress.
Daily headaches? It's allergy season!
And it goes on and on.....
And like the drug that it is (for me, anyway), the gluten only makes me crave more of it.
But when I indulge, I overindulge, and then I feel like hell.
But I just rationalized it all away. Until last week, when I got the results of my standard blood work. While last years tests were good, this year, I am suddenly dealing with hypothyroid issues. Until I was told by the doctor, and spent all night reading medical journals and scholarly articles, I had no idea about any gluten/thyroid connection. I have also developed a vitamin D deficiency(common for those of us still eating gluten when we shouldn't), and high cholesterol, which is related to gluten, AND thyroid disorders (which are again related back to gluten).
So basically, I stuck my head in the sand like an ostrich. I acted as if I ignored the whole gluten thing, it would go away. But it didn't go away. It got worse. Much worse.
Sometimes I wish that I was one of those people who gets horribly physically ill immediately whenever I eat gluten. That would make resisting the temptation easier, and rationalizing "cheats" less of a likelihood. Because cheating on this diet is not like cheating on a regular low-cal or other diet. Cheating on this diet can significantly reduce my life span, and negatively impact the quality of my life.
SO WHY DO I CONTINUE TO RISK IT ALL OVER AND OVER?
Quite simply, I'm an addict.
As of this afternoon, I have been completely gluten free for five days now. I don't know if I will be successful over the long term. But I can handle not eating gluten for the next 24 hours. When it comes time for social engagements, who knows what will happen? I obviously didn't have a good enough plan before. I didn't have a GF support network. I was basically the only GF person I spent time with. Other people do not understand the seriousness of *staying* gluten free. So I am here to confess my failure, and to reach out to others. Many of you have probably had better will-power than I have, or better plans for how to deal with tricky situations. You will undoubtedly have some pointers I'd never have considered on my own. Maybe some of you are newly gluten free, and my story can serve as a warning against getting lazy and complacent with your diet. I hope so.
But for what it's worth, I am here. I am starting over. I have 5 days gluten free.
It was 12 years ago that I discovered my gluten intolerance. Although I could not afford the blood test (college student with no insurance), my difficulties thinking, remembering things, and staying awake prompted me to start tracking what I was eating, and gluten turned out to be the culprit. When I went gluten free, it was my calculus study group that first noticed the changes in me. They commented that I was no longer swearing or getting frustrated while working on some of the more difficult problems. I was sometimes even able to see answers to some of the problems several lines before we got to the actual answer. I felt so much more clear-headed! After about 3 months of GF eating, I ate something I thought was gluten free, but it wasn't. I got horribly ill. Over time, I discovered that it was only when I ate 100% clean that I got terribly sick when I did ingest gluten. As long as I kept a low level of gluten in my system (by eating regular soy sauce, not monitoring my condiments for hidden ingredients, and eating soups that used wheat as a thickener), I could handle the occasional gluten-laden meals with only the tiredness, mental fog, and some intestinal discomfort as a result. Over the years, this became an ongoing excuse to "cheat" on occasion. Thus began the gluten roller-coaster.
I would be mostly clean for weeks, then cheat, and repeat. Over the past couple of years, the cheats got worse. They became binges, and they were occurring with more frequency, and lasting longer. I developed this mindset that 'since I already cheated yesterday, I have to start over anyway, so I may as well have some pizza today.' Being in a relationship with a foodie like myself (We both love to cook, to eat, and to try new delicious foods) has made it even easier to rationalize the cheating this past year. In the past few months, there have been more cheat days than GF days. And I rationalized it all away.
Aching joints? Hey, I'm 47; my joints are supposed to ache.
Tired all the time? Well, I AM getting older, and besides, insomnia makes me tired.
Brain fog? Well, I haven't been sleeping very well, so of course I will be a bit foggy.
Can't do math anymore? Well, naturally; I'm out of practice!
Constipation? I haven't been eating enough fiber or drinking enough water.
Diarrhea? Ate too much citrus. Besides, I'm under stress.
Eczema is getting worse? I must need more sun.
Purple circles under my eyes? I must not have slept well enough.
Chronic heartburn is back? Must be stress.
Daily headaches? It's allergy season!
And it goes on and on.....
And like the drug that it is (for me, anyway), the gluten only makes me crave more of it.
But when I indulge, I overindulge, and then I feel like hell.
But I just rationalized it all away. Until last week, when I got the results of my standard blood work. While last years tests were good, this year, I am suddenly dealing with hypothyroid issues. Until I was told by the doctor, and spent all night reading medical journals and scholarly articles, I had no idea about any gluten/thyroid connection. I have also developed a vitamin D deficiency(common for those of us still eating gluten when we shouldn't), and high cholesterol, which is related to gluten, AND thyroid disorders (which are again related back to gluten).
So basically, I stuck my head in the sand like an ostrich. I acted as if I ignored the whole gluten thing, it would go away. But it didn't go away. It got worse. Much worse.
Sometimes I wish that I was one of those people who gets horribly physically ill immediately whenever I eat gluten. That would make resisting the temptation easier, and rationalizing "cheats" less of a likelihood. Because cheating on this diet is not like cheating on a regular low-cal or other diet. Cheating on this diet can significantly reduce my life span, and negatively impact the quality of my life.
SO WHY DO I CONTINUE TO RISK IT ALL OVER AND OVER?
Quite simply, I'm an addict.
As of this afternoon, I have been completely gluten free for five days now. I don't know if I will be successful over the long term. But I can handle not eating gluten for the next 24 hours. When it comes time for social engagements, who knows what will happen? I obviously didn't have a good enough plan before. I didn't have a GF support network. I was basically the only GF person I spent time with. Other people do not understand the seriousness of *staying* gluten free. So I am here to confess my failure, and to reach out to others. Many of you have probably had better will-power than I have, or better plans for how to deal with tricky situations. You will undoubtedly have some pointers I'd never have considered on my own. Maybe some of you are newly gluten free, and my story can serve as a warning against getting lazy and complacent with your diet. I hope so.
But for what it's worth, I am here. I am starting over. I have 5 days gluten free.
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Replies
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WOW thanks for sharing. Yeah I never had the test cause of money reason. And I am a on again off again gluten free eater also cause of money reason and convenience. Its just easier to eat the gluten. Especially where I live cause it is so hard to get gluten free things. But your right if you feel better without it its best not to eat it. Thanks for sharing your story. I am trying to get back on the gluten free program myself.
Wishing you well. Keep at it.0 -
Yea, thanks for sharing. I also got tested for it, and I definitely have a gluten allergy. It totally sucks on the social life (especially being vegetarian and having a nut allergy). Can't find anything to eat. I always get that crazy look from people when i order a cider/wine during happy hour or a side of bake potato and veggies during dinner.
But I agree with DEVLe, location can make it hard. I am fortunate enough to live in Dallas where there are so many restaurants and grocery stores with gluten free options. In fact, Dallas is often a testing area for gluten free options. I was excited when Subway came out with gluten free bread.
Girl, I know you got this. Wish you well Tracey!0 -
I haven't had any particular problem staying gluten free - and YES, I was totally addicted to bread, to the point of eating "bread and bread sandwiches" - two slices of bread with no filling. I suspect, since I still have occasional, minor digestive issues, that either some gluten is slipping in or there is a secondary sensitivity I haven't identified yet (possibly fluid milk), but for the most part, I can be gluten free and not feel deprived. I hardly eat any bread (no wheat bread, and little GF bread), because the GF products are totally inferior in my experience. I eat GF rice cakes and corn tortillas when I need something "like" bread and for the most part, eat other things that are naturally GF - potatoes, rice, quinoa (works great in place of pasta in mac and cheese), fresh and frozen vegetables, meat and all sorts of beans/legumes. At potlucks I can typically find enough stuff that appears GF to not feel left out. It probably helps that I don't hide the issue at work and I have a niece who it lactose intolerent, so "food issues" are understood amongst the extended family. The huge advantage from a weight loss point is I have a ready excuse for refusing treats like donuts and don't feel deprived because I know the "bliss" is not worth the subsequent "pain". I don't know if I'm celiac or just intolerant, because I've never been medically dx'd, but the digestive problems and eczema on my knees and elbows resolved when I started avoiding gluten.0
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:flowerforyou:
Keep it up. It is worth it. You can always find support here!0 -
I totally relate - I've been on the same track for many years. I do well then fall off the wagon - royally! I don't like many GF products at all and I cant eat rice or rice products so my range is generally meat and veggies!
We are all here for you - Good luck - Believe!!0 -
Subway has a gluten free bread??? I live in a very small town, and Subway is one of the three chain restaurants here. I should head over at lunch today and see if they have the GF here...They have been getting more GF options at the local grocery store (the only one within a 45 minute drive), and recently started carrying Udi's bread, so perhaps there are enough of us here in this little town to warrant Subway carrying GF bread too!... I was excited when Subway came out with gluten free bread.0 -
Have you had a chance to try Udi's bread? It is the only GF bread I have found that actually tastes and acts like regulat bread. I used to drive an hour to get it when I was really craving bread, but now my local store is carrying it, I will always keep a loaf in the freezer just in case I *need* bread on short notice. :-).... I hardly eat any bread (no wheat bread, and little GF bread), because the GF products are totally inferior in my experience.0 -
I was diagnosed almost 11 years ago and I can relate. The smell of baking bread STILL gets to me, and there are days when I would practically kill for decent Pizza. That being said, I feel SOOOO much better now than I did BC(Before Celiac), I truly felt like I had been given my life back. The difference for me, is that when I do have an accident, there are terrible repercussions in the form of the tummy bummer, and the nausea and the vomiting and the feeling like I have been hit by a bus! Another thing to remember is that even though we may not FEEL the gluten effects, it can still make you sick and can greatly increase the cancer risk.
Keep plugging away at it. Yes it is more work, but hey, you are worth every success that you have!!!!
You have lots of support here and you can add me if you like
Sharon :happy:0
