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Balancing Act

saraelcon
saraelcon Posts: 1
in Social Groups
New member here. I've been having a really hard time balancing my feminism and body positivity with my decision to lose weight. I'm really proud of my postpartum weight loss, but I'm scared that my feminist friends aren't going to understand. That they'll think I'm fat shaming or body shaming in my attempt to get fit. But i feel like part of body positivity is being honest about your own goals. And allowing for radical self-love in all forms. How do you all attempt to balance "love your body" with "change your body"?

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  • jessiekanga
    jessiekanga Posts: 564 Member
    Hi Sara! Welcome aboard!

    Oh my it's tough, isn't it. I think the cool thing about having such a forum as this is that we can imperfectly share our quest for that balancing act you describe. At times, I fail miserably, find myself ashamed of my body and how much I abused it. At other times, I remember that I did the best I could, always, now that includes taking care of my body in ways I never before used to. I try to consciously separate what I want for myself, a body I feel is a part of me, not just a shell I wear, that I feel powerful, strong, and genuinely myself in. That's not the same, for me, as the body prescribed as beautiful that we aspire to change ourselves into but can never achieve. Yet, I fall into those wants and wishes, and need to remind myself that they are not mine, they are "socialized" talk.

    Whatever you come to, I would only say to expect it to shift and change, to be able to hold your ideals front and center more often at certain times than at others, and be kind, gentle, and loving to yourself for however you "measure up." My hope is that your feminist friends will understand that we are all struggling to develop radical self-love, and that we all ebb and flow, and that your struggle today may be theirs tomorrow. I hope they give you room to explore, and remind you that you are safe and loved through it all.

    And come here and vent and share your struggles and triumphs, the tough conversations and the days you cherish and those you wish you could have stayed in bed throughout. We'll do the same!
  • lsmsrbls
    lsmsrbls Posts: 232 Member
    I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to lose weight or with being honest about it. I do, however, think that we need to be aware of how when we tell people we want to lose weight, we are contributing to the wider societal idolatry of thinness and demonization of fatness. That is not to say that we shouldn't do it, or that we should hide what we are doing, or that we don't have good reasons for doing what we are doing. However, I do think we should all be cognizant that our decisions neither occur in a vacuum, nor do they impact only us.

    I think we need to choose our words very carefully to make sure that even when we are only trying to discuss ourselves and our goals that we do not inadvertently hurt others or contribute to body shaming.

    I also think we should be careful not to conflate fitness and thinness.

    Good luck meeting your goals! And also with navigating these difficult paths. It's not easy and you never can win...as is so often the case. : ( But we try.
  • lambstew1999
    lambstew1999 Posts: 1
    I'm still looking for this answer myself. I feel that calorie counting on MFP is also counter to what is described in books like Fat Is A Feminist issue, which is about intuitive eating and getting to the bottom of why we eat compulsively. I've decided not to tell any of my friends that I'm trying to lose weight to avoid making them feel body-shamed, but they are starting to notice so I do have to decide what to say soon. Anyway, I quite like this blog which is about weight loss with a feminist foundation: http://www.fatgirlphd.com/
  • jessiekanga
    jessiekanga Posts: 564 Member
    Hi Lamstew! Cool name:) I struggle a lot with what to say when folks notice and bring it up. With folks close to me, I feel honesty is best. For me, my extra 100+ pounds limited my movement, my motivation, a lot. I was getting sick more often. The list was endless. While I believe "health at any size" is possible, for me, being healthy meant actively changing a lot of unhealthy habits. For me, the weight loss followed. I do feel better, and I cannot apologize for what I'm doing because my life is better, more rich, because of it. Knowing and loving my body meant treating it differently, and not treating it as the receptable of every feeling I didn't want to feel. We all have our reasons, and they're not wrong. What's wrong is when we believe or impose our reasons, or our self-judgment, as applicable to others. It's so ironic that being so aware of the oppression of big folks, mostly women, makes us ashamed when we want to change ourselves. Somehow, we begin crossing this threshold into privilege, and like with so many forms of oppression, awareness often brings shame and guilt. What's also true, however, is that the shame and guilt aren't useful, for us or others. Continued awareness is. Standing up is. Not becoming part of the dominant paradigm is. I think something like "I have mixed feelings about it, but I know I've just got to do this for me," can be as straight forward, honest, and open as you need. I think good friends get it, and may be open to taking it to a more meaningful, deeper discussion. Good luck!
  • adproximumconkate
    adproximumconkate Posts: 6
    I couldn't have said it better than Jessie did right there! I tell people (even though some find it harder to believe than others) that I'm not trying to lose weight to fit some standard of what attractive or "healthy" should look like. We are taking charge of our bodies and making ourselves stronger, fitter, and generally more able to thrive and enjoy the world around us. If that means weight is lost along the way, then that's great. But if that means that we are just making sure we are eating the right kinds of food and working out to feel better, that's what it's also. It's about being fit, not being thin, and I think if you are getting in shape for your sake and to become the woman you want to be, then you can't really go wrong.

    You lost the weight you put on while you were creating a small human inside your body (wow!) as you got in shape, because you probably wanted to be mobile and energetic (I hear that kids tire people out), you wanted to feel a bit more like who you were before you had the kid (I mean physically), and you wanted to knit back together all the muscles and tissue that pregnancy and birth alter. These are all really worthy things to want, so you shouldn't be judged for that. You love your body (I mean, hello! You made a person with it!), and this is part of how you respect your body, by taking care of it and nurturing it. And sharing your journey with your friends does not need to mean you are fat shaming. Maybe it's just a question of framing.

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