Broke up w/ cheating GF, have been in 30 days no contact...
rozthegreatest
Posts: 16 Member
I recently ended a relationship with a woman I was with for 2 and 1/2 years, because she had an ongoing affair with another woman the entire time we were together. So far, I have been in 30 days of no contact with her.
I have had mixed emotions from relief, elation, heartbreak, sadness, rage, and the list goes on. I found out about the affair after Thanksgiving in 2012. So, it is no surprise why I have lost 50 pounds since then, because I was so angry and I wanted to make a life long change. Her and I spent the last 6 months arguing, fighting and trying to reconcile. But this time, it is finally over. She has moved on with a totally different woman than the one she cheated on me with, and I am having mixed feelings about that.
I think break ups play a huge role in making you want to completely change your identity and reinvent yourself. I never, never EVER again want to be the woman or the person I was when I was with her. I don't want to be fat, depressed and feel hopeless. And each day that passes, I learn how important it is not to SETTLE for someone's bull****. As long as I love myself, I can get through anything. Some days are better than others. At times, I blame myself for what happened (I wasn't perfect by any means) But I allowed the most stupid behavior, such as not letting her add me to Facebook. I am not a jealous person, so I gave her permission to do a lot of stuff most people in relationships wouldn't give permission to their partners to do. But I loved her, and I trusted her completely.
What I am struggling with now is that I know she is really over me this time. I think she is very infatuated with the new woman she is with. I don't want her back, but I don't want her to be happy, either. It's not a severe case of anger, it just comes and goes in waves. I am coping with things quite well, I just resent that she is happier than I am at times with a new person in her life. Even though I am not ready to start dating, I am developing myself and enjoying my own company right now. I could easily put myself back out there again, but I choose not to because I don't think I would attract the type of woman that I want at this point in my life. I still have a lot of work to do. Not so much physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I have had mixed emotions from relief, elation, heartbreak, sadness, rage, and the list goes on. I found out about the affair after Thanksgiving in 2012. So, it is no surprise why I have lost 50 pounds since then, because I was so angry and I wanted to make a life long change. Her and I spent the last 6 months arguing, fighting and trying to reconcile. But this time, it is finally over. She has moved on with a totally different woman than the one she cheated on me with, and I am having mixed feelings about that.
I think break ups play a huge role in making you want to completely change your identity and reinvent yourself. I never, never EVER again want to be the woman or the person I was when I was with her. I don't want to be fat, depressed and feel hopeless. And each day that passes, I learn how important it is not to SETTLE for someone's bull****. As long as I love myself, I can get through anything. Some days are better than others. At times, I blame myself for what happened (I wasn't perfect by any means) But I allowed the most stupid behavior, such as not letting her add me to Facebook. I am not a jealous person, so I gave her permission to do a lot of stuff most people in relationships wouldn't give permission to their partners to do. But I loved her, and I trusted her completely.
What I am struggling with now is that I know she is really over me this time. I think she is very infatuated with the new woman she is with. I don't want her back, but I don't want her to be happy, either. It's not a severe case of anger, it just comes and goes in waves. I am coping with things quite well, I just resent that she is happier than I am at times with a new person in her life. Even though I am not ready to start dating, I am developing myself and enjoying my own company right now. I could easily put myself back out there again, but I choose not to because I don't think I would attract the type of woman that I want at this point in my life. I still have a lot of work to do. Not so much physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
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Replies
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I went through almost the exact same scenario for the same amount of time in my last relationship. TRUST ME, it does get better. It will take time but it does! After that relationship, I found my fiance and we have been together for 6 years! You will find someone WAY better! It's her loss, not yours. Also, it is not your fault she was a cheater and a liar. You cannot blame yourself! Focus on you right now and good luck with your journey!!!!0
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Thanks for your input and sharing your experience with me. I really appreciate it.0
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Don't think that anything you did was stupid in your relationship. You said you allowed the stupid behavior but you cannot control another person and if you try you will just push them way. Of course you loved her and gave her permission to do anything.... That's what you do in relationships.
Don't feel anger towards her. Feel happy she has her fling that might develop more but she will just follow the same cycle and cheat again. Get a new fling and so on.... You on the other hand are going are discovering more about yourself, getting healthy and happy. You will find someone else down the road who will treat you right and who you can trust. Just believe and trust in yourself.0 -
Bubba,
It was a long distance relationship and the woman she is dating now lives just about one hour away from her. That's why I blamed myself, because of the distance. I could have packed and moved half way across the country, but once somebody cheats on you - you resent them too much to uproot your life for them.
She begged me for forgiveness, and wanted me back. But I forgave her for it twice already, this was the third time it happened. I am having a hard time forgiving myself this time.
This is the first time she has ever gone 30 days without contacting me. Usually, she is submissive one in relationship and I am the dominant. This is why I know it is over. If I could do anything to fix it, I would. But I would risk too much at this point. I couldn't take another chance and have the same thing happen to me again. My self esteem may not recover again.0 -
you deserve better. the pain now will be well worth it in the long run. hang in there!0
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One hour or 30 hours away there is no difference. If someone is going to cheat they will, distance doesn't matter. You did the right thing. Once you have been cheated on that many times the trust is gone and there is no getting it back. Put all that energy you have from anger into getting yourself happy and health for you!0
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Thank you, guys. I am feeling very bitter and angry today. My game plan is to go to Youtube and listen to Tony Robbins or some other life strategist who can help me put myself in a better frame of mind. I am also going to walk 3 miles today and work on my internet empire. Weight lifting is killing my sex drive, so thank goodness I am content with being single at the moment. It's time to restructure and reform my identity.0
