the war at home
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mikeveggie68
Posts: 116
just had my first "i don't like you being a vegan" conversation with my wife... started over preparing grocery list, planning dinner can be a challenge with 2 meat eaters 1 vegan and 1 vegetarian in the house. my wife is upset because i have to shop at different stores for my vegan items since not all major stores sell vegan items, also she was mad because we had weekend with no kids but she felt like she couldn't enjoy eating out because i am vegan smh. we can go anywhere to eat i told her but she seems to imply that she is sacrificing for my culinary lifestyle change. i could have been a dictator and forced family to vegan diet... i know people who have done that but i'm not the kind to force that on anyone especially not my family. Their choice is their choice, and so is mine. It's just getting frustrating but it won't deter me... i think i just needed to vent a bit, i love being a vegan and have only seen benefits in the short time i have switched. If anyone has had similar issues with family and have suggestions on dealing with it feel free to share, thanks.
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We all can use a good venting sometimes! I am the only vegan in my house but my husband is supportive and my kids have barely noticed my food choices (and I still slip up sometimes or eat what is served in social situations). I agree that it has to be their choice whether to eat animal products or not, and I am glad to hear that you didn't take the dictator approach. Your wife may feel like your choice is a judgment on her - it seems people often take others' actions as a judgment on their own even though it makes no sense. She may deep down feel your choice is the better one and doesn't want to be reminded of it. In general, if there is main dish that contains animal products, I just eat the side dishes and I usually make sure one side is a salad that everyone eats and another side is something awesome that I love: sautéed mushrooms, roasted root vegetables, spring rolls, etc.0
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Feel free to vent anytime you need to - it helps you feel better. It can't be easy - it wasn't for me when I first went vegetarian either. My husband was against it and my mom thought it was a phase. That was 6 years ago - my husband is now eating more vegetarian/vegan meals and is more willing to try more things. Give it time ... it is a huge adjustment for everyone involved. *hugs*0
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I found 'Vegan Freak' quite a good book for helping with this sorta thing. Maybe she needs time to get her head around it and come to terms with the fact that you're not eating the food she's eating isn't a judgement about her, but it's about a choice you've made? In our household I'm vegan, my two children are lacto-ovo vegetarians and my husband is a meat-eater (however doesn't have gluten). It works out fine - I generally cook vegan food for everyone, then my husband and kids might have something non-vegan added to theirs, but there isn't anything 'special' particularly. When we go out to eat, if there's nothing vegan, I'll just order a couple of vegetable side dishes, but generally we can find a restaurant which will accommodate all of us with no bother (lunch today was at a fab South Indian restaurant - yum, yum!)
Give it time is good advice as the others have said. And vent here too!
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I'm the only one eating a vegan diet in my home, while my wife eats mostly vegetarian and my two kids think bacon is a food group. We haven't had too many battles remotely close to that, thankfully. In most instances I can find substitutes to fit my diet just about anywhere we go to eat. Thankfully we like places that allow for that, as opposed to steak houses, etc. Keep the faith, hopefully it will get better!0
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If it helps to hear that someone else has gone through challenges with family, add me to the list. You have support here.
Something that might help with the extra grocery store trips--you might consider slowly phasing out the "vegan items" if you mean seitan or other packaged stuff and eating more whole foods. Personally, it's a goal of mine to eat less of that stuff and eat fruits, veggies, grains, and non-processed stuff. Perhaps that could mean you can reduce the special trips and you'd be buying all fresh stuff from the same grocery store.0 -
Sorry to hear about the challenges you are having. I am a lucky minority that my spouse is also vegan (and he likes to cook!) It may be uncomfortable for awhile for your wife if veganism is new. I know when I was a vegetarian and my husband was vegan we had conflict sometimes and it was hard. Good luck getting through this and feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like.0
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I'm lucky, my wife supports me. She eats what I eat and my so do my boys. Further, she is the one that cooks most of the dinners.
Maybe you could get her excited if she learned to like more of the foods you're able to eat?
My wife has always loved fruits and veggies so veganism is sort of up her alley, anyway.0
