Love = Letting Go or Holding On ??

garnetsms Posts: 10,018 Member
I apologize if this is a discussion that has taken place before, but I haven't been active in this group for probably a year. I recently broke with my boyfriend of 2 + yrs and I saw this discussion on facebook and thought I would ask the general opinion here...

You'd heard it said If you love something/someone let them go....BUT, you've also heard hold on a little longer, what you have been waiting for could be around the corner. As I weighed out these two paths, I decided on the the first for many reasons. When you realize it was not meant to be, and you feel like you are holding that person from their true destiny, it is a must to let go. Right?

Please share your thoughts


  • pammbroo
    pammbroo Posts: 550 Member
    Is this person holding you back from your destiny? Although it can be tough sometimes, I think you should make the decision based on what YOU need / want. Sounds like you are second guessing yourself. Go with your gut. Good luck!
  • jkandktmom
    jkandktmom Posts: 1,010 Member
    I really shouldn't answer this... I have been dating someone on and off for 3.5 years. Currently it is "off" however, we still have date night I still see him when I have the kids and when I don't have the kids. The only the thing that is different is that I am actively looking for someone else. He knows this and doesn't like it but he can't commit- he is unable to make a commitment to me after three years.

    So I struggle like you. Do I let him go- even though he is my best friend and my kids love him? Or do I hold on knowing that he may not ever be able to commit to any more than right now.
  • garnetsms
    garnetsms Posts: 10,018 Member
    Pam - By holding on, I feel like we are keeping each other from our destiny.

    JK - Girl, I think you know the answer. And it's like Pam know what you want, so go get it. Continueing to see him, only makes it harder when it is time to break loose. So break loose, then look for someone else. You will thank yourself later.

    I was just asking in general is LOVE holding on or letting go (in a dating situation)
  • The_GingerBeard_Man
    The_GingerBeard_Man Posts: 197 Member
    This is one of the toughest decisions that you can make. I feel confused about it almost every day. I guess I would just say do what is right for you. If you feel like you want the relationship to end to grow as a person, then end the relationship. But if you are ending the relationship because you think it would be better for the other person, then that is the wrong reason to walk away. They have the right to choose you over whatever other option there is. It is when they stop choosing you that there is a problem.

    Just to give you my little background: I was with someone for 2.5 years, and when it ended a few months ago we had trouble staying apart. We have decided to remain FWB because we care about each other very much, and enjoy the support we can offer. However we split because one day she stopped choosing me over her other desires, and that was the day she let me go. I support her in her journey, perhaps a little too much, and I enjoy the time we still spend together, but we are both supposed to be pursuing people who will better meet our wants and needs. For me that is finding a life partner, but for her she wants to focus on being self-sufficient and raising her kids.

    So I guess my take is: Love is holding on enough to choose them over the other options and desires, but it is also letting go enough so that you don’t smother them and quash their personal growth.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    In a past relationship, I held on as long as I could at the end. Yeah, maybe I lost out on new opportunities, but more than likely I was blind to them during that time anyway. However, when I finally did walk away, it gave me peace knowing that I tried everything possible to make things work before letting go. So much of the answer to the original question is about your own mental and emotional state too.
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    How long have you been together? Oh!
    I've head it's exactly one more month after the exact amount of time you have been together that things suddenly fit into place miraculously, according to your dearest desires. I'd say hold on one more month.

    [Note to self: copy and paste same post in one month]
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    lol gosh this is a toughie. on one hand you can keep trying and fight for love on the other hand, you don't wanna be that person that allows love to make you blind and see all that is wrong and let go of something toxic.

    I don't have good advice, i'll just say I know how u feel. time will tell if u made the right decision, although it sounds like you already know that.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Be honest with yourself. What are you holding on for? Are you hoping/expecting that person to change? If so, then let him go.

    If you think he's perfect for you the way he is, then hang on. He might be ready or he might not, but I think he's worth hanging on for.
  • garnetsms
    garnetsms Posts: 10,018 Member
    Good morning!!

    Thank you all for your replies.

    Dcheckeye...I feel that by us staying together we were keeping each other from growing as individuals. I did not fit what he wanted, and he did not fit what I wanted. Because of that, we argued A LOT. We have broke up 3 other times, and ended up back together because we do care so much about one another. This time, contact will remain very minimal so that does not happen again. The reality of it is, that we are soo different. Some differences are ok, but ours outweighed our commonalities.

    flimflam...I have give it one more month, many times. There just comes a time when you accept, one more month has run out.

    All in all, I am truly at peace with my decision. I just have to stick to it and not give in when I get lonely or because I want the hurt to stop. I love him, and always will...I just can not be with him; not when being with him means changing who we are. I told him, to try so hard to change one another is only hurting us. We are who we are, and that's not a bad thing. We just have to accept we tried, and learn from our experiance. His initial responses are not nice right now, but I know deep down, he knows what I'm saying. In due time, we will look back and smile.