Mind Set
MzGibb23
Posts: 13 Member
Hey Guys! My name is Crystal and I was diagnosed at 23 with T1D. I lost about 100 lbs at first due to not taking my insulin as I needed.I then became pregnant and lost the baby due to my A1C being at a 15. I started doing what I needed and got pregnant again 5 months later. When my son was born I was 310 lbs. I knew my "quick fix: was to not take insulin and im down to 207. I take insulin about every other day. I just don't have it in my head that i'm a diabetic or anything. I want another child but am so scared for another crazy pregnancy. I guess, im asking how to get in the appropriate mindset to take care of myself.
Pease no bashing. I know im hurting myself. Also, I need more friends to understand moods, cravings, weight gain, etc that comes along with this!
Pease no bashing. I know im hurting myself. Also, I need more friends to understand moods, cravings, weight gain, etc that comes along with this!
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Hi Crystal
I think the reason you haven't had any responses to your post is because we are at a loss for words.
Maybe my story will help you get on track. I'll keep this as short as I can . I was diagnosed 39 years ago. So, at 9 years old, it's pretty hard being different from everyone else. My life seemed to be day after day of being denied what everyone else was eating, was able to do, yada yada yada.......
Move ahead to 1983. Planning to get married. It wasn't just me anymore. Everything I did to myself, I did to my husband, because he had to pick up the pieces.
Move ahead to 1986. I go for my doctor's appointment. Tell him I've been trying to get pregnant for 1 year. He basically looks at me and says, with your AIC the way it is, I really hope you're not pregnant right now. Let's try to get this in order before we put a baby in the picture. Well......I WAS pregnant. I got scared straight!!! My son was born , he's perfect. I'm thrilled and relieved.
Move ahead to 1988. My sugars are better, but not perfect. AIC around 10. Had my daughter in June. Really thought I beat the odds by trying really hard. Or at least I thought I was trying really hard!!!
When she was 4, July 1992, we diagnosed her as Type 1 at home. Doctor figured she had only been diabetic for two weeks since her last check up. Now I'm responsible for this little girl, who just says " mommy, what's the big deal, I'm just like you!"
Everything changed then. I had to teach her how to live a good long life with this condition.
We both got on the pump when she was 12. Best thing we ever did. We did it as a team. I brought her into this world, it's my responsibility to teach her well. I hope that's what I've done. To the best of my ability.
My AIC is now 7. I work out 6 days a week. And I'd like to think I've accepted what I can't change. Because it's not just me anymore. I don't want my family having to take care of me just because I was in denial and didn't like the hand I'd been dealt.
I fear the future. But, at least I can say I did the best I could and the rest is out of my hands.
There are so many people with diseases they can't control. You can't make this go away, but you can live with it. You only get one shot at doing this. One day at a time. Maybe, it's one minute at a time. I challenge you to take step one. I'll send a friend request, if you want, you can add me.
Corinne0 -
I'm sorry, you've got me crying. I've been T1 for 42 yrs. and wish I could turn back the clock. There was a time in my teens when I didn't take my insulin as directed. Fast forward many years and you will see a middle aged woman, who looks normal on the outside but bares the scars of blatant rebellion. I had to take early retirement/disability from a job I loved because of visual impairment caused by those early years of rebellion. I'm still able to see thankfully, though not very well. I can no longer drive, which is the biggest problem. I'm now raising my nephew's little girl and have to get rides with family and friends or use public transportation or walk to do everything. We walk to school and I pray there's never an emergency and I need to get to the school in a hurry. My negligence has not only affected me, I deserve what I got, but now everyone else I come into contact with have been affected. Please don't do this to your son and husband. T1 is not fun but there are many things that are worse. Please take care.0
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Thank you ladies. I was upset no one responded, and again felt so alone. Now im in tears. I am being so selfish. I don't want my son having to give up his own life to take his mom to dialysis or hospital or to take flowers to my grave. It is so hard. Im crying really knowing what im doing to myself, but haven't taken insulin all weekend. I am on the right track to eating better.. a lot better. I had to get in the right mindset for that. Now its the working out. I have noticed recently my eyesight more blurry, sharp pains in my back, and numbness/tingliness in my left hand and feet. Im only 27. My son will be 2 Monday. My life just started and im killing myself. I need to do everything for him. I try to give him the best, spoil him, just everything but im taking away his mom. Im rambling on. But that yall for responding. This is going to be hard, But im going to try. I couldn't imagine if my husband passed and left me alone..why do that to him? I know these are things ive heard before, but it seems to always ring louder from a stranger.0
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You can do this. One step at a time. I just think about my kids. It keeps me going. I wanted them, they didn't ask to come into this mess. So, I won't put it on them. Now with my daughter also being diabetic, the guilt just about kills me. But, she's getting married in September and I'm gonna be there. When I was younger, I didn't think I would see this day.
What I've done is find out what my BMR is. Nomatter what my exercise calories are, I eat to that BMR. Keep track of your carbs, especially fruits. They're good for you, but high is sugar. I get most of my fiber and vitamins from veggies. I get a lot more bang for my buck that way.
I'm here to help. I'm no guru, but if you just want lean on someone, or ask a question, I'll do my best to help. Good luck!
Corinne0 -
That kills me! Ive started doing homemade smoothies as my breakfast. Great right? no. I need to add more veggies I guess. But you're right. I can't do this to my son. I always mention him, but it's my husband as well. He didn't come into this marriage for his wife to do this to herself. Sick thing is, I told him I needed someone to live for. Yet I have the world and im still not doing anything to stay in it. I need to set up another apt with a nutritionist I guees. I did it when I as pregnant, but I think this will help now. I have more questions now. I hate that it is so hard. But nothing worth it is easy, right?0
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Hi there,
You're story breaks my heart. I was diagnosed T1D in 1993 (I was 3 years old AND it was my birthday). Although I never stopped giving insulin for weightloss, I did go through a very prolonged phase of something called "diabetes burnout". Basically I just stopped caring. I never tested my bloodsugars, forgot insulin boluses, basically did nothing to take care of myself. It started my senior year of highschool and I occassionally still struggle with it. I've gotten a lot better though. What I found helped me is talking to a professional. They can help you analyze where your feelings and actions are coming from without the guilt and fear that family members sometimes have (warning you of the dangers of high sugars, DO YOU WANT YOUR FEET WHEN YOUR 50?!, you have to deal with it, etc....).
Like weightloss, progress has been really slow. But it is still progress. And, not to mention, it's worth it.0 -
I do think I need that fear in me.. even tho ive seen it happen to my uncle. I just really don't understand it at all. I took my lantus last night and feared getting on the scale. Would I rather be overweight be have my eyesight and limbs, or skinny on dialysis at 30? Im making my effort. Im only one day in, but its a day in with insulin.0
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I'm proud of you. Insulin does drive the sugar into the muscle which can make us gain weight. But, if we limit our carbs, therefore limiting our insulin intake, it helps. Before I got on the pump, I was taking 100 units a day, between my NPH and Novolog at meals. Now, I total under 40 a day. Every day is a struggle, believe me.0
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I am doing really well with lunch and breakfast (I think anyway) But dinner is my biggest struggle now. But I am working on it. So I know once I get that under control my insulin intake will be smaller. I guess im mentally preparing myself for some gain while I get back on track with insulin and actually eat right. But I know once I see my weight go up ill not want to take insulin. Just a nasty roller coaster. I can do this. I have got to take control.0
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You can do this. I have lost 43 lbs. since Jan. 7th of this year. I have watched my eating very carefully and added a ton of exercise. It's a struggle everyday but my health is more important to me than a quick weight loss. I would encourage you to talk to your doctor about the struggles you're having and maybe talk to a therapist (I think at Kaiser they called them a social worker?) Diabetes affects your emotions when your blood sugars are up and down and sometimes talking to a professional can help. You should let your doctor know that you are trying to lose weight and ask if you can see a dietician also. They can really help you out with the proper eating plan for weight loss. But please most of all, take your insulin as directed. Right now you're really not in a place where you should be worrying about weight loss and just concentrating on getting healthy and comfortable with being a diabetic. I think you will be surprised to learn that you're going through the grieving process, which includes denial.
Does your husband know that you haven't been taking your insulin? He can be a big help and encouragement to you, if you explain to him what you've been going through. I'm going to stop typing right now and pray very seriously for you, your husband and your son...okay I'm back. I'll warn you, I asked God to stay on you and prompt you each time you are supposed to take your insulin. I am going to keep praying for you and will ask a few others to pray also.
I'm glad you've taken your insulin! Now, keep it up!!!0 -
My entire family knows my weight gain/loss/insulin issue. Ive asked for help. It hasn't become routine and sometimes I honestly just need a reminder. I have set an alarm for the Lantus at night. I know it's a grieving issue. I became diabetic not even a month after my nephew passed.
My nephew became very sick when he was 14. at 16 he had a double lung transplant, at 17 he passed. During this time I obviously prayed...prayed for a miracle, prayed that I was sick and he wasn't. My family was so faithful. I know now we did receive a miracle. During the transplant operation they had to bring him back 8 times.... 8 times. That was a miracle. But it took me awhile to realize that. So 3 weeks after burying him I was in the hospital for a week to be told I was diabetic. I, of course was so angry. WHY? Why now? You (God) took my nephew AND made me sick... then 2 years after that I had a miscarriage... My anger and my relationship with Heavenly Father is in repair. I never stopped believing. I never stopped praying.. I was just..confused. I didn't understand why. So I do know a lot of this is from that entire situation. I don't need a bible lecture or any lecture. I know God loves me. But I just rebelled with my health.0
