Mourning a relationship
Jarice12
Posts: 135 Member
I know this is a fitness site, but I need to get some things out. I'm hoping someone can give me some incite. My nearly 4 year relationship is on the rocks, mainly because of me. I have serious trust and control issues which I have been working on. The problem is it may be too late. The other thing is my partner feels that she cannot make me happy and there is nothing to do on her part. Frankly, I think she feels resentment for the way I've pushed her and she's tired of trying. She holds things in until she reaches a breaking point, mainly because she's afraid of my reaction. I have worn her down with my worry, my doubts, with my always seeming to be unhappy. I think we are worth saving but I'm afraid that I can't "fix" myself in her time frame. And also I am a little afraid that she will decide that she never needs to work on her. I feel at this point, the old me and the old relationship have to die and be reborn but the process is terrifying. It is worth saving but I don't know if we can. I know this may be confusing, but if anyone understands please comment. Anyone gone through this before?
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I can understand your perspective, but I haven't gone through it in the way you are. I wanted to at least let you know that I honestly believe things happen in the "right" time frame, and those things that are meant to happen, will. My thoughts are with you, and I hope things work out for the best for you!0
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I can understand your perspective, but I haven't gone through it in the way you are. I wanted to at least let you know that I honestly believe things happen in the "right" time frame, and those things that are meant to happen, will. My thoughts are with you, and I hope things work out for the best for you!
Thanks for responding. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the concept of positive thoughts bringing positive results. I tend to overthink everything, and from a negative perspective, at that. I do believe that our thought pattern can greatly influence outcomes, mainly because it influences how we feel about those outcomes. I will get through this by directing positive energy into the situation. Your positive words have truly helped.0 -
I also don't tell my wife things until I am not annoyed that like months of issues all come out. My wife is also very emotional and can over react very easy. I use to find myself not saying/doing things because I didn't want to upset her. I had to come to the conclusion that we are both 30 and sometimes hearing things we don't like is part of the growing process. I just use a lot of "I feel like" "When you do this it makes me feel". You might benefit from some just direct open communication. If you want to save the relationship and are worried about it then I would try couples counseling just to get the communication started.
I also agree with the other comments that everything happens for a reason and in due time. If you do counseling you will know that you did try and maybe it just wasn't meant to be....0 -
I also don't tell my wife things until I am not annoyed that like months of issues all come out. My wife is also very emotional and can over react very easy. I use to find myself not saying/doing things because I didn't want to upset her. I had to come to the conclusion that we are both 30 and sometimes hearing things we don't like is part of the growing process. I just use a lot of "I feel like" "When you do this it makes me feel". You might benefit from some just direct open communication. If you want to save the relationship and are worried about it then I would try couples counseling just to get the communication started.
I also agree with the other comments that everything happens for a reason and in due time. If you do counseling you will know that you did try and maybe it just wasn't meant to be....
I definitely agree with you about communication and things we don't want to hear. I have also tried to stress this to my partner. But I have to say that it has been very hard for me to be receptive to her when she does try to express her feelings. Thus, where we are now. I know that this is a beginning and an ending, and whether we'll come out of it together is still being determined. We have talked about counseling and at first she was very receptive, now it just seems she's shut down. Thanks so much.0 -
the concept of positive thoughts bringing positive results. I tend to overthink everything, and from a negative perspective, at that. I do believe that our thought pattern can greatly influence outcomes, mainly because it influences how we feel about those outcomes. I will get through this by directing positive energy into the situation.
The odd thing is, I know you just took what I said and went a few steps further, but I needed to hear this message reiterated right back to me! I am a chronic worrier, and I will make up things to worry about!
Sending you a friend request - I know finding another worrier can be just the thing to help when motivation seems to be lacking, because we understand that type of perspective.0 -
From an extremely YOUNG point of view all i know is that the a massive reason why the GF and I work is because we are very open with any problems and communicate when we have an issue with one another. Mostly because I tell her i'm dumb and I will miss it if you dont tell me. I'm not the best with emotions. She would hold it in forever if I didnt ask.
Being positive to both you and partner and bringing that energy is always a good. Maybe just communicating will be the best and being able to trust that the other person will tell you if there is something wrong. I really do hope everything gets better.0 -
I would break up with your partner, sort your issues and then (if shes willing) go back to your partner, if shes not (which would probably be the case) move on and find someone who you can treat with respect/ and form a supportive relationship with. Dragging another person through your issues is selfish, irresponsible and unfair.0
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If you feel like you need to work on some issues you should see a counselor. They can help you work through stuff. You can't make your partner change, you can only change yourself. A good counselor can help you work through your issues.0
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Thanks everyone for you advice and support. We have decided to work through this and I think we both understand that we have a lot of work to do and where we went wrong. Her main concerns are for me to be happy and for our family. I have been very selfish; i admit that. My doubts did not help either; i know this. What we have decided is that it's worth working on. There is still something there so special that we don't want to let it go right now. And that's what we both needed to realize.0
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Thanks everyone for you advice and support. We have decided to work through this and I think we both understand that we have a lot of work to do and where we went wrong. Her main concerns are for me to be happy and for our family. I have been very selfish; i admit that. My doubts did not help either; i know this. What we have decided is that it's worth working on. There is still something there so special that we don't want to let it go right now. And that's what we both needed to realize.
good for you! 0 -
Thanks everyone for you advice and support. We have decided to work through this and I think we both understand that we have a lot of work to do and where we went wrong. Her main concerns are for me to be happy and for our family. I have been very selfish; i admit that. My doubts did not help either; i know this. What we have decided is that it's worth working on. There is still something there so special that we don't want to let it go right now. And that's what we both needed to realize.
Great news! Glad you were able to talk out the next steps together. 0
