Anyone else struggle with seeing people after a long time?
SavvyCake
Posts: 150 Member
Hey fellow BDDers, I was just seeking a little solidarity and maybe advice if anyone has any. Recently I had a visit from a family member I don't see very often, once or twice a year, and leading up to his visit, my BDD anxieties ramped up. I kept thinking about how much worse do I look this time than the last time he saw me, and how he'd be disappointed to see how poorly my weight loss efforts are going, etc. When he visited, I spent the whole time working on a Rubiks cube to distract myself. This weekend, one of my all-time best friends is coming to visit, and I haven't seen him in 2 years, and I'm being plagued with anxieties so bad that I have been trying to think of ways I could get out of seeing him, even though all year I've been counting the days till his arrival. The closer it gets, the worse I get. I don't think I would actually do something to avoid seeing him, because I know how much he's been looking forward to it, but I really wish I could get a grip on this problem of not wanting to see people I love just because I don't want them to see me. Do any of you guys feel the same way? I know that's a "normal" feeling, people get nervous for their high school reunions and stuff, but you guys understand when I say upset, I mean really upset. When I visited a friend in Italy a few years ago, I had a full blown panic attack because after so many years she looked so great and I couldn't stop focusing on how bad I looked. I'm terrified of this happening in two days when my friend Louis gets here. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
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I'm usually pretty good about seeing family members after extended periods of time. It would depend on how well I knew the family member though I think. I would probably be having feelings similar to yours if I was going to meet my cousins from England (it's been years since I've communicated with them) who are both tall, thin, and attractive.
Most of my current suffering related to meeting people is coming from when I meet people for the first time, especially if there is the expectation from others that this new person should like me. My sister's new boyfriend went out to lunch with my family last weekend and I could barely look at him I was so nervous. I spent the most of the time looking at decorations on the wall and trying to pretend he wasn't there, hoping he was paying most of his attention to my sister so he didn't notice my ugliness.
I hope your visit with your friend goes/went well (seeing as you posted this 2 days ago it looks like you'll be meeting him today). If it makes you feel any better, you're doing better than me by even setting up a day to see an old friend.
I avoid communicating with people I used to know because I don't want them to see what I look like or see how less successful I've been in life than them.
Maybe before he comes try to write all your anxieties about seeing him down on a piece of paper. Writing down my worries often makes me feel better for a little while for some reason. I wish I had some better advice for you than that. xD0 -
Your advice was great, I think just recognizing that there was potential for stress helped me to realize that when I felt anxious leading up to it, it was just this monster working, not the real me.0
