Nice to see you!

A lot of people have good hearts, doesn't mean they are the right guy for you.
Sounds like you have exhausted these attempts over the last 4 years and maybe nothing will ever change?!?! maybe it's time to realize that you just won't get from him what you need?

I know I sound harsh, but you sound frustrated and over it.... seems like you are hanging around hoping the old guy who showed his heart once may reappear... how long are you willing to feel this way/hold on until you see it?

Just seems like a time waster given the history - and the addictions!!!

Sorry I seem harsh again, not my intent... but from the outside looking in, I think you can do better/be happier!

Hey FarmersD - nice to see you :flowerforyou:

I dont expect having a relationship with a depressed addict is ever going to be easy?? But it's all too easy to say give him up when you're having struggles. The point is that, there are always struggles in any relationship. Now, you just have to decide if he's worth it, or not?

Has he tried therapy to get over HIS issues? Cos that's what I think is the problem here. You're trying to accommodate someone that isn't stable.......

Over the weekend we had a conversation about what he wanted and becuase of his addictions he has to follow some rules, and those rules say that we can't move in together until 2018. We've been together for 4 years already, I say 2018 isn't that big of a deal to wait to, but he has other opinions.

4 years is a long time. I cannot picture myself in 4 years, and I certainly couldn't have pictured myself now 4 years ago.

If the guy is trying to sort out some issues, then it involves "change". If the guy changes, then I hope you realise there is danger associated with that, i.e. you might well get the short end of the stick (as in, he changed so much that he doesn't think we are a good match anymore).

Try to integrate the meaning of the paragraph below:
- The person he is now is a person with issues,
- The person he is now appreciates your company and sees a future with you maybe,
- The issues are part of the person he is now, and influence greatly the way he thinks, feels, reacts, etc.
Now, will this person without these issues think, feel and react the same way? Will he be the same person to which you are attracted to? Will he still be attracted to you? Maybe in 4 years it's going to be 8 years, or maybe it's going to be never, or maybe it's going to happen in the meantime.

In all honesty, there is a reason why people tell others to "sort their *kitten* out" before they try themselves at the relationship game. It changes the rules of the game so much that you CANNOT make any assumptions about what is going to be happening when the issues are sorted out or being sorted out. Sorting out long running issues like these (I assume) involves deep "change", and deep changes run deep in your life and personality and brain.

Maybe you're just a crutch for him (and he might not even know it yet so he might not be using you, maybe he is starting to realise it), maybe not.
It is foolish however to think that, in 4 years nothing will change, nothing will have changed and to plan - especially if the relationship is having such a difficult start.

To me (as a person with an external point of view who doesn't have all the details), you seem like the "friend" who will help him get out of the hole, then will get ditched on the side once he is all rejuvenated.
Your behaviour bears a high risk of getting you old and single.

You are welcome to prove me wrong in 4 years and tell me that, in fact, you didn't waste what will be excruciatingly painful, long, slow, dull and youthful 4 years in vain. But what if you are actually wasting them... You get only one shot at life, don't make a 4 years mistake.
This is way too risky. That's my take, but that's how bad I would feel about this.

So I'm not sure what I'm ranting about... I'm sticking it out through the good the bad and the ugly...not because I have to, but because I know this guy has a really good heart, I've seen it first hand, he's had it with me.

No mother has ever raised their child to be an @sshole, yet they exist - so I would imagine everyone (pretty much) has a "good heart".

Find someone new.

Guys don't have the attention span of gnats when we're actually into you.