HI! My name is Katina. I’ve struggled with EDNOS since I was a young teen. At 26 years old I still struggle. In all the relationships I’ve had, family, romantic and friendships, I’ve never once felt compelled to tell anyone about my struggles with food. To most everyone in my life, I’m just the chubby girl that loves to eat. I weigh 225. While this is less than my heaviest, it’s still a very big number. I’ve always loved food. And pretty much everyone around me just sees me that way. And while I do love me some food, I also HATE it. Usually my tendencies lean towards Bulimia. I will eat just about anything that is handed to me and then expel it. But then some days I lean towards Anorexia. I just won’t eat anything. Usually it’s a cycle. There will be a long stretch of binging followed by binging and purging followed by nothing at all. This cycle is pretty continuous and unintentional and I’ve noticed it almost always follows the same cycle as my monthly period. Around my period is the Ana, followed by the Overeating, then the B/P before it starts again. I know it doesn’t work. And I know it’s kind of strange that it follows a pattern. But it is what it is… For years I have follow this vicious cycle and dealt with things mostly on my own. (Occasionally I will turn to the anonymous faces on the PC, like now)

Recently I began a relationship with a beautiful young lady. I’ve known this girl since my mid teen years. She was a good friend of my older brother, and subsequently a friend of mine. We moved in to an apartment together a few months ago as friends after we both got out of long relationships. We’ve grown closer and closer together since. About a month ago we acknowledged that we were more than just friends and a beautiful romance has blossomed. As I previously stated never before have a I felt compelled to talk about my ED issues with anyone in my life. But with her, it’s different. She knows about a lot of my other issues already. The Bi-Polar disorder, and the self injury. But I want to tell her about this side of me.

I’m scared for all of the obvious reasons. It’s a new relationship and I don’t want to burden her. But part of me thinks she may be struggling as well. Since we live together I see how often she eats, and how often she doesn’t eat. She will go days with no food at all. But most days she only eats one large meal, or two small meals. I’ve seen places on her body that are littered with scars that match many of my own. She has been reserved when it comes to actually talking about any issues she struggles with. I don’t know how or if I should even approach this subject. Wanting to talk about this with anyone in general is a new concept to me. And I understand that she may not be ready or willing to talk either. She may not even have an issue. I could just be seeing my own struggles. I am a bit lost here.

I should probably also add that my reason for using this website is to create a more balanced way of eating. When I first started using the site I was very successful. It has been a few years since then and I’m at a point where I am ready to start again. I want to recover. (Or come as close as I can). Is bringing this up with her even worth the time?

Any advice?

:embarassed: