What are your custody arranagements??
TerraGirl17
Posts: 275 Member
My ex husband is going after 50/50 custody, I don't agree, I don't think kids should have to move between 2 houses every week. Right now he has them Mondays and Wednesdays for 2.5 hours and every other weekend. I am 100% ok with this arrangement but we are still trying to settle so it is only temporary for now. What are your arrangements and how do they work for you??
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We have on paper joint custody, but the X has nothing to do with the kids hardly. No child support from her even though she is a no show with the kids. Its tough for one parent to raise kids by yourself with no help.0
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We started out doing every other weekend with their dad, and every Wednesday overnight. However, he never got them to school on time on his Monday or on Thursday mornings, so he quickly gave that up. We recently moved 3 hours away and now he just does every other weekend. We supposedly share joint custody with me having primary physical custody. The one thing we did that I don't like is we split our holidays by even and odd number years. For example: the even number years he gets all holidays except I will always have mother's day, and odd I have all holidays except father's day.0
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Theres no way you could separate me from my kids now after raising them for so long. Going through their pains and happy times, seeing them grow and be great young adults. I am the mom and the dad all in one. I can't understand how you couldn't be involved in your kids lives.0
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Same here. She's a drunk, a thief and unemployed, not even allowed to see the kids w/o my being there.We have on paper joint custody, but the X has nothing to do with the kids hardly. No child support from her even though she is a no show with the kids. Its tough for one parent to raise kids by yourself with no help.0 -
At this point I'm the custodial parent, I don't forsee fob taking me to court unless he doesn't get his way over an extended period of time... Just trying to keep the peace at this point.. Tired of going back and forth and arguing.0
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On paper we had joint custody too. But he doesn't participate in their life at all and he stopped paying child support when he got out of the army. It's been just me for 10 years. I don't know if I would be comfortable with someone else "parenting" them at this point. Guess I'll just have to wait a few more years to date till they're all out of the house.0
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I have sole custody with the kids seeing their father during school breaks (when he decides he has the time). I'm in VA, he's in FL.0
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Every other weekend, period, our decree says to do birthdays, holidays, mother/father's day on even /odd number years etc.
We don't do that. it's too much of an inconvenience to him, and I like the consistency it gives the kids of knowing that they only have to spend for the most part 2 days at thier dads. The travel is what's difficult, he moved 2+ hours away.
We tried every other week during the summer, the girls did good with it, and it really wasn't that bad. Yes I missed them alot when they were gone but I also (accomplished things around the house
) know that they like spending time with my ex's wife and her kids.... so if they liked it then I'm ok with that.
We quit doing that because he wanted me to hand over all the child support that he paid during that time. I was so far behind on medical bills, (from the time that he never paid any support) that I told him no. So he quit doing that. I guess he found out what it's like to actually take care of kids and have expenses while they are with him.0 -
I have full custody. My son's father is on a 4 on 2 off work schedule so he gets Donovan on the two days off every week. This seems to work pretty well for us. He may get switched to mid shift though, so I don't know how things will change.0
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Oh My gawd! I am soooo Happy the father of my son is supportive and wants to spend time with his kid!!! He is with me most of the time, his father every other weekend and we rotate holidays. He pays child support and if I needed something for our son he would immediately get it or give me the money for it. If I couldn't afford to get my car back from the shop he would lend me the cash. I am so fortunate that my sons father is a grownup and does everything he can to be a part of his sons life.0
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He lives in PA and we live in GA. Per agreement, he gets her 6 consecutive weeks in the summer and even or odd holidays. He sometimes flies in to visit for a long weekend whenever he wants. He stays with us and sleeps with her in her room. We still want to create "family memories" for her even though we aren't together. We meet 1/2 way, which is about an 8 hr one-way drive for us both. But, she's finally old enough to fly!!0
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Per the agreement he has weekends and summer... yada yada... however... I let him take/see our son whenever he wants (as long as its reasonable). Sadly... he see's he maybe once a week (for maybe 2-3 hrs) because he claims to be too busy with pretty much anything else. While I know some kids get to see their dads far less. I don't think he has an excuse considering he lives 20 min away from house.0
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I have my son 24/7.
He is 9 years old, and his father has only seen him 7 DAYS out of his HIS ENTIRE LIFE.
For those of you with split custody, be happy for what you have. I know it might bring up/cause issues between you and your ex, or it might inconvenience your schedules, but at least your kids get to see their other parent and you have some "me" time.0 -
Same here. She's a drunk, a thief and unemployed, not even allowed to see the kids w/o my being there.We have on paper joint custody, but the X has nothing to do with the kids hardly. No child support from her even though she is a no show with the kids. Its tough for one parent to raise kids by yourself with no help.
Kudos to the guys on here. It is great to see men who care so much about their kiddos.
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I think if both parents can make the 50/50 rule work, I think the children (and parents) would benefit best. You need to either be flexable to drive them to school/daycare or live close enough it's not an issue. This comes into play, for me, becuase I live in a city of over 1 million. This would be my first choice should I be blessed enough to have an agreement.
So my situation is an interesting one...
Their dad is a truck driver and he works when there is work. It makes it VERY hard to have any set schedule, so I have my kids 100% of the time. Secondly, he doesn't have a place to live - yes it's true. He bunks with his friend. If he is off work and his friend has his son, mine go and have a sleepover. It was well over a year apart before I got one kid free night, but I get them plenty now. So if I need a night out and the kids can't go for a sleepover over my EX STAYS AT MY HOUSE... yes it is hard, so if I am dating and plan to have my BF back to my house I just get a babysitter instead for the obvisous reasons.
So from my standpoint, I think the 50/50 would be freaking awesome.. for me and the kids.. my kids miss their dad alot.
ETA: beside the custody issues above... he is a great dad, I can't deny him that. He pays me, gives more when I ask/need it, and we get along. We talk still, he helps me with manly stuff, I him if he asks... but of course there is a line, don't worry! haha!0 -
I have two kids, with two separate custody arrangements. Daughter (11) is with me almost full-time. Dad lives in another state, so she only can go visit when school's out of session. He was not involved at all for a number of years but has definitely made more of an effort the last few.
Son, almost 3, is on a 50/50 schedule with me & his dad. We live within 2 miles of each other, so he goes to the same day care during the week. I had some doubts at first, but he's done beautifully with this arrangement. Dad #2 was involved from day 1, so I didn't want our son to lose that relationship with either one of us.
In a way, it works out great. I have plenty of time with my son, and when he's off bonding with Dad, I can get some good one-on-one time with my daughter. It's not what I expected, but it's working pretty well.0 -
it's me and only me. no shared custody, no child support, no contact. he will not even accnowledge her existance. very sad, but I have wonderfully supportive parents and a great sister (far away in B.C. but always supportive). I would not have it any other way as he was never going to grow up (boozing, gambeling, drugs) and stil has not grown up according to mutual friends. I have not seen him since I asked him to leave when I was 7 and 1/2 months pregnant. one day she will want to meet him and I will give her his contact info, but for now it is enough to say your dad did not want to be a dad.0
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I think it's harder for the kids if they don't see each parent regularly - that said, my ex has been in jail for the last 8 years, has not been in our lives for almost 9 and we've been divorced for 10 years. During that first year he had 'no money' and no fixed address (except for 3 months at the worst apartment I've ever seen). He took the kids for a bit on a real hit and miss basis, but I learned how to pray when they were gone because I never knew where he was taking them or what was happening - but the courts couldn't find a reason to refuse him visits every other weekend.
So after all these years, it would have been great if he could have kept himself together enough to actually attempt fatherhood. I admit I'm jealous of anyone who has any sort of agreement where the dad (or mom) who doesn't have sole custody is at least making an effort. My kids know their dad has messed up, but they still wish they could see him. My advice is to make it as easy as possible for him to be involved as much as possible unless he is an absolute DB. And make sure you are available to listen to your kids when they talk about their time with him without making them feel like you're collecting evidence to take him down!0 -
And make sure you are available to listen to your kids when they talk about their time with him without making them feel like you're collecting evidence to take him down!
But I AM collecting evidence LOL!! Just kidding lady, you know I feel for ya!0 -
But I AM collecting evidence LOL!! Just kidding lady, you know I feel for ya!
That made me giggle!
I don't collect evidence, they should have fun with Dad and be close and all that. But confession: there is a teeny tiny petty part of me that notices that my ex has put on considerable weight. And that horrible corner of my soul is downright gleeful about that.0 -
I don't collect evidence, they should have fun with Dad and be close and all that. But confession: there is a teeny tiny petty part of me that notices that my ex has put on considerable weight. And that horrible corner of my soul is downright gleeful about that.
It's definitely worth it to giggle - get those when you can! And although I'm super good around my kids, those who know me best know that when there's no chance they'll hear I complain with the best of them!0 -
larsensue, Meghan. Z_I_L_L_A, rmkramer003, RunInTheMud, Meghan0116, veggiehottie, totally in the same boat as you guys; being the only parent.
Sole custody, no child support, no visits, no calls. My ex stepped out of our lives since my son was 11 months old, he's 5 years old now. Works out for my son and I though. We get to decide where we're going, who we see, what we do, and our life is great.
At times though, I get mad at my ex for just vanishing from my son's life. I think it's only fair upon children to be able to at least have both parents love and support, even though they may not be together. Easier said than done I know, but not fair on the kids!0 -
We get to decide where we're going, who we see, what we do, and our life is great.
At times though, I get mad at my ex for just vanishing from my son's life. I think it's only fair upon children to be able to at least have both parents love and support, even though they may not be together. Easier said than done I know, but not fair on the kids!
I feel the same way....finally. Ex walked out over 6 years ago and hasn't looked back since. I am happier right now in life than I have ever been. I call the shots. We have fun.
My son's best friend has a 50/50 arrangement for custody. It is on a monthly basis, which sounds so weird to me. But it works for them. The kids seem fine with it, although they don't get along with their stepdad too well
Her parents live just minutes away from each other so they don't have any of the travel concerns and even can split the holidays.
I think anything can work...if you make it work.But that takes two mature adults giving everything for the sake of the kids. And sometimes, that just doesn't happen.0 -
Full custody. They see their father every other weekend, no sorry their fathers sisters or mother because he is too busy taking care of his girlfriend who doesn´t want anything to do with his daughters and wants him all to herself.0
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Joint legal custody, I have physical custody. My ex gets every first and third weekend, every tuesday night, and wednesday night IF the following weekend is not hers. We also each get half the holidays on even years, then get the other half on odd years (who gets which holidays on which years is spelled out in the paperwork). In June and July, she gets two consecutive weeks each month, but no other visitation those months.
We pretty much stick to it, except she now lives two hours away so she doesn't do her mid week visitations.0 -
On paper, I have full custody because my ex seemed too unstable when we were divorcing for me to accept anything but full custody and since I fulled out the divorce and custody paperwork and he pretty much signed it, he didn't put up much of a fight. But he's more stable now. We've worked out that he gets our daughter after work Mondays and Wednesdays from about 5-7:30, then usually Saturday from about 10-6 with occasional sleepovers. She'll be 5 next week. We've both been pretty flexible with changing days as needed for our schedules. He is a much better father now that he only needs to be a father part time.0
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Full custody, full legal, no child support. In our divorce papers it says visitation as agreed upon by parties. He wanted all or nothing and didn't want shared. I wasn't about to give up my rights, so he did (there's more to the story but in a nut shell). He has spotty contact with our son. He has moved to a few states since our divorce, we currently live in different states. He's always had my phone number, address and email in case he wanted to be in contact with our son and knows I have Skype. He calls or webcams infrequently (like 8 months apart or something, and visits less frequently). It is hard on my son (6) to not have consistency. He wishes his dad were closer. I wish his dad would be more involved. That said, I am glad he doesn't go on visitations overnight or summers because of threats his dad has made to me in the past.
And I totally know what it's like to be both mom and dad in as many aspects as are possible. Been doing it solo since May 2009.0 -
Full custody, full legal, no child support. In our divorce papers it says visitation as agreed upon by parties. He wanted all or nothing and didn't want shared. I wasn't about to give up my rights, so he did (there's more to the story but in a nut shell). He has spotty contact with our son. He has moved to a few states since our divorce, we currently live in different states. He's always had my phone number, address and email in case he wanted to be in contact with our son and knows I have Skype. He calls or webcams infrequently (like 8 months apart or something, and visits less frequently). It is hard on my son (6) to not have consistency. He wishes his dad were closer. I wish his dad would be more involved. That said, I am glad he doesn't go on visitations overnight or summers because of threats his dad has made to me in the past.
And I totally know what it's like to be both mom and dad in as many aspects as are possible. Been doing it solo since May 2009.
I know the feel! You're not alone, brave momma!
Wishing the father could offer a hand, because after all- it is his child too! Since October 2008 for us, my son was 11 months old at the time- totally know what you're going through. He hasn't seen his father since then. No phone calls, no child support, no messages.. okay maybe I'm brooding over Mrs. Doubtfire now haha.
Sometimes I feel like I have a split personality. I'm the one disciplining him, and loving him too.
BTW Go Supermoms and Superdads!0 -
fShaw86 - kids are worth all the love we can give me. Some days single parenthood is so hard but most of the time it's just the norm, you just learn to roll that way and make it work. But you're right we're strong and we're making a difference in our little ones lives even if their other parents aren't involved. I learned during my marriage that you can't make people do what is right, or what you want them to. You just have to do all that you can on your end and hope it is enough.0
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My daughter's father only sees her once every few months. I wish she had a father that was more interested. I do know one couple who switch off every other week and their kid is really benefiting from the situation. Every family is different. I hope you both come to an agreement that puts stability of your child first. Good luck!!!0
