First Date Etiquette for the over 40 crowd
LFDBabs
Posts: 297 Member
OK...I need some guidance. I'm going on a first date with a guy on Saturday. We live about 90 minutes apart so we are meeting at a restaurant. His choice of restaurant and he did ask me out. Suggested a movie after dinner.
Do I offer to contribute to dinner (it's quite a nice restaurant)? Offer to pay if we go to the movies? or do I just assume he is footing the bill.
I haven't done the first date thing (beyond coffee dates) in a long, long time and I think I am in panic mode every so slightly, lol
Any advice is appreciated, thanks!
Do I offer to contribute to dinner (it's quite a nice restaurant)? Offer to pay if we go to the movies? or do I just assume he is footing the bill.
I haven't done the first date thing (beyond coffee dates) in a long, long time and I think I am in panic mode every so slightly, lol
Any advice is appreciated, thanks!
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OK...I need some guidance. I'm going on a first date with a guy on Saturday. We live about 90 minutes apart so we are meeting at a restaurant. His choice of restaurant and he did ask me out. Suggested a movie after dinner.
Do I offer to contribute to dinner (it's quite a nice restaurant)? Offer to pay if we go to the movies? or do I just assume he is footing the bill.
I haven't done the first date thing (beyond coffee dates) in a long, long time and I think I am in panic mode every so slightly, lol
Any advice is appreciated, thanks!
I usually atleast offer to cover the popcorn and drinks (they cost the equvalent to the movie lol) I alway thinks its nice to try and offer to pay for something .However if he says no don't push it0 -
I usually atleast offer to cover the popcorn and drinks (they cost the equvalent to the movie lol) I alway thinks its nice to try and offer to pay for something .However if he says no don't push it
Agree. As a guy I think its nice if they offer, but I always pay. Hope your date is a good one.
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Me too. I would offer to split the bills. I usually find that if it's a match then he won't accept and if it's a bust, he will......although this IS a rather sweeping generalisation!! :laugh:
Have fun! :bigsmile:0 -
Doesn't matter to me. . Either way, I'm paying. .If she offers, that's fine, but not necessary. Either way, if he insists on paying. . don't argue. . just say thank you! (and no! you don't owe him anything!).0
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Usually the person asking does the paying. If he asked you out and chose the restaurant, it is reasonable to expect him to pay for dinner. If he doesn't pick up the bill in a reasonable amount of time and put his credit card in the slot (i.e., indicating that he wants you to contribute), then offer to contribute. If he says "No thanks," leave it at that. Don't play this "Oh, I insist," BS. Otherwise, just let him pay and be sure to thank him for a wonderful meal.
As far as the movie, I'm not a huge fan of movies on first dates because you can't talk. However, since this will come after dinner (right?), you should know pretty clearly whether or not you want to go out with him again. If you don't want to see him again, offer to pay for the movie tickets right up front. If you do, I would at least give him the opportunity to pay. If he seems to want you to pay, then just pay. You're going to have to somewhat play this by ear based on how the date is going. You could also offer to pay for popcorn/drinks, but if you are going after dinner you two may not want any of that.
Hopefully he will make it easy for you and be a gentleman and pay for everything without issue.0 -
I had mentioned this in another post but I read recently that men find it emasculating when a woman wants to go dutch on a date, lol. I hate having a guy pay my way, but have had to let that happen when I offered but the guys said they got it. I would say offer but chances are he will say he got it.0
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I always appreciate it when the woman at least offers to pay for something, it's not a deal breaker or anything though if she doesn't.0
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Offer to pay but don't push it if he says it is his treat.
When I went on a movie date he said "I got this?" I said "really? Thank you!" and that was it.0 -
Offer to pay but don't push it if he says it is his treat.
When I went on a movie date he said "I got this?" I said "really? Thank you!" and that was it.
^^THIS! or "Are you sure? Thank you."0 -
1.) Go to pull out your wallet when the bill comes for dinner. He will say "This one's on me." You smile and say "Thank you."
2.) At the theater, you say "Let me get this one." He might insist on paying or not.
If he lets you pay at step 1, that's weird as he asked you out. Step 2, I don't think it matters either way. You get points for offering, we like that even if we have no intention of accepting.0 -
Thanks for all the advice. I was leaning toward offering to pay for half, or at least the tip but wasn't sure how some men would feel about that. It was great hearing from a few guys on this one!0
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Thanks for all the advice. I was leaning toward offering to pay for half, or at least the tip but wasn't sure how some men would feel about that. It was great hearing from a few guys on this one!
Offer to pay or leave the tip but if he says no, smile and say thanks! He is taking you out so enjoy it!0 -
I agree with the answers.
I would add that, as a woman, you are NOT to cross or anger the man you are dating. So I would be wary of offering (even humbly) to pay, as the man you're dating could become angry and be offended - and it would probably be over by then. It seems obvious when said but only real men can be emasculated.
As men, we have traditionally been the breadwinner and money is a symbolisation of our power. Take this away, and you take away our power.
We like to show on a date that we are able to protect a woman, like a knight in a bank-note armor (yes, we love to sprinkle a bit of humour too as you can see!). This is why we insist on paying, because we want to show the woman that we are the right person for her (Mr Right), able to protect her and able to cater for her needs in the future.
So many women complain that their man is a leech, a couch potatoe. But the man who is earning enough money to pay for dinners earns enough money to pay for his bills.
Of course it is also a nice thing to pay for dinner (and it pleases us). This is our way of showing we are nice and there are other ways for you to repay us later.
It is true that sometimes we appreciate when the woman asks, as it gives us the opportunity of showing our resolve and determination in paying ("I insist!") - it's a fine line for women, maybe a bit risky as you are taking the risk to anger the man depending on their individual level of susceptibility.
But for us, this is a subtle way of showing our strength, power, determination.0 -
I would add that, as a woman, you are NOT to cross or anger the man you are dating.
Straight up. Last bitch that tried to do something nice for me, I was all like "YOU BETTA WATCH YOSELF HO, WOULDN'T WANNA SEE MY CRAZY *kitten* ANGRY"
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That is awesome!0 -
That is awesome!
AGREED! Awesome!0 -
^^^^^^ I would TOTALLY pay on my date with Ryan Gosling, and I would do it even if it wasn't just so I could steal his sperm................0
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I would add that, as a woman, you are NOT to cross or anger the man you are dating.
Straight up. Last bitch that tried to do something nice for me, I was all like "YOU BETTA WATCH YOSELF HO, WOULDN'T WANNA SEE MY CRAZY *kitten* ANGRY"
:laugh: :laugh:
I always offer to split the bill. But I'm really awkward in the dating scene, which is why I rarely agree to go on dates. Seems like you got some good advice here..good luck! :drinker:0 -
I actually laughed out loud at my desk at work. Lovely, hahahahahaa.0 -
I agree with the answers.
I would add that, as a woman, you are NOT to cross or anger the man you are dating. So I would be wary of offering (even humbly) to pay, as the man you're dating could become angry and be offended - and it would probably be over by then. It seems obvious when said but only real men can be emasculated.
As men, we have traditionally been the breadwinner and money is a symbolisation of our power. Take this away, and you take away our power.
We like to show on a date that we are able to protect a woman, like a knight in a bank-note armor (yes, we love to sprinkle a bit of humour too as you can see!). This is why we insist on paying, because we want to show the woman that we are the right person for her (Mr Right), able to protect her and able to cater for her needs in the future.
So many women complain that their man is a leech, a couch potatoe. But the man who is earning enough money to pay for dinners earns enough money to pay for his bills.
Of course it is also a nice thing to pay for dinner (and it pleases us). This is our way of showing we are nice and there are other ways for you to repay us later.
It is true that sometimes we appreciate when the woman asks, as it gives us the opportunity of showing our resolve and determination in paying ("I insist!") - it's a fine line for women, maybe a bit risky as you are taking the risk to anger the man depending on their individual level of susceptibility.
But for us, this is a subtle way of showing our strength, power, determination.
Wow, just wow.0 -
How did the date go? We need an update!0
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How did the date go? We need an update!
Date was Saturday night and it was really, really nice. We met at the movie theatre. It was raining so he ran to my car with an umbrella and we shared that to the door. He paid for movie and popcorn. We went in his vehicle to the restaurant about 20 minutes away and had a drink at the bar while waiting for our reservation time. He sat me down at a table at the bar, asked what I wanted to drink and went to the bar to order. He paid for drinks.
When we were seated at our table for dinner, he told me to order anything I wanted. He had the King cut of Prime Rib (they come and carve it table-side) and I opted for the petite portion of Surf and Turf (prime rib and Lobster tail). When the bill came, I asked if he would like to me contribute something toward the dinner and he said simply "No." I followed up with a "Thank you, this was really nice."
He then told me he didn't want the evening to end and suggested we find a bar that had some live music. So, off we went and found just that. We picked a table in the back corner, talked, listened to music and people watched for another few hours. The first kiss was here, at the bar. Just a little one. He drove me back to my car and again, kissed me goodnight.
He called the next day (yesterday) and told me that it was the most amazing first date he's ever had. He followed that up with a request to see me again.
I have to say it was the first time, post divorce, that I actually felt like I was being courted. I didn't have to plan anything or pay for anything. All I had to do was look good, show up and enjoy myself. I definitely think that a second date is in my future
Thank you all for the advice. It's always an awkward situation for me.....dating and dating etiquette. I really never expected to be dating again at the age of 46.0 -
Terrific news that it went so well! :drinker:0
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Wow, that sounds perfect! Congrats!0
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YaY! How lovely :bigsmile:0
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What a fabulous date!!! I love how he didn't want it to end. So happy for you!
To answer your original question, I always have some money on me so that I *can* pay, but I never offer to. Only once has someone expected me to pay my way (in 3 years of dating). There have been other times when I insisted on paying but that was ONLY because I could tell right away we were NOT a match and I personally feel like I shouldn't let a guy pay my way if I never want to see him again.
Again, I'm so happy for you!! I hope the next date is just as fabulous!0 -
JanieJack, that is an excellent idea for my question about paying. I have been on a few dates where I just know that nothing is going to ever click, and yes, this would be the time for me to offer to pay my share and perhaps let him know why. It's the perfect awkward moment ice breaker.
It was an awesome first date and he called last night and wants to see me again this weekend It's my birthday on Saturday and he wants to celebrate it with me on Friday or Sunday, so that I can spend Saturday with friends and family. We're going to make a plan tonight. 0 -
It was an awesome first date and he called last night and wants to see me again this weekend It's my birthday on Saturday and he wants to celebrate it with me on Friday or Sunday, so that I can spend Saturday with friends and family. We're going to make a plan tonight.
Very sweet! :flowerforyou:0 -
How did the date go? We need an update!
Date was Saturday night and it was really, really nice. We met at the movie theatre. It was raining so he ran to my car with an umbrella and we shared that to the door. He paid for movie and popcorn. We went in his vehicle to the restaurant about 20 minutes away and had a drink at the bar while waiting for our reservation time. He sat me down at a table at the bar, asked what I wanted to drink and went to the bar to order. He paid for drinks.
When we were seated at our table for dinner, he told me to order anything I wanted. He had the King cut of Prime Rib (they come and carve it table-side) and I opted for the petite portion of Surf and Turf (prime rib and Lobster tail). When the bill came, I asked if he would like to me contribute something toward the dinner and he said simply "No." I followed up with a "Thank you, this was really nice."
He then told me he didn't want the evening to end and suggested we find a bar that had some live music. So, off we went and found just that. We picked a table in the back corner, talked, listened to music and people watched for another few hours. The first kiss was here, at the bar. Just a little one. He drove me back to my car and again, kissed me goodnight.
He called the next day (yesterday) and told me that it was the most amazing first date he's ever had. He followed that up with a request to see me again.
I have to say it was the first time, post divorce, that I actually felt like I was being courted. I didn't have to plan anything or pay for anything. All I had to do was look good, show up and enjoy myself. I definitely think that a second date is in my future
Thank you all for the advice. It's always an awkward situation for me.....dating and dating etiquette. I really never expected to be dating again at the age of 46.
That's awesome! 0
