HELP ME with me twisted lovelife and weight loss.
Options
reidhershel
Posts: 15
HELP ME with me twisted lovelife and weight loss.
First of all, allow me to introduce myself. I’m male, gay, 25 years old and Brazilian.
Almost all my life I have struggled with being overweight.
When I was a kid, I was ok when it comes to weight. But, after 7 years old, after being really ill and taking some medicines, I’ve become obese. And after that I developed an obsessive eating pattern, eating a lot most of the time.
I’m 5.97 feet tall. At my heaviest, I weighed 333 pounds (2009, when I was 20). I successfully dropped from 333 pounds to 231 in the following year (2010). In 2011, I dropped to 197 pounds, but regained some of these back and in July, 2013, I weighed 253. Since August I started to walk a lot and I’m trying to eat healthy, and since then I weigh 235 pounds now. My diet is not the most correct one, but I’m trying.
But this information is just for all of you to understand my process.
There’s an aspect of my life that hurts me a lot when I think about it: my lovelife, my sexual life.
During my teenage years, a had a hard time accepting myself as a homosexual boy. I ate myself to death until I became numb. My first kiss happened when I was 16, as well as my first sexual experience. During all these years, I never ever had a boyfriend. I just haven’t felt confident enough to go after guys. And, every time I tried, I always got ‘’no’’ as an answer.
I only had REAL sex with one guy. I had other sexual experiences with a few ones, I kissed other ones, but the main problem with me is that I never was able to find a boyfriend because of my fear of receiving ‘’no’’ as an answer.
I fell in love three times: when I was 10; when I was 16; when I was 22. These three guys were my best friends in three different times. The first one, was a school friend. He never knew I loved him, even though it was so clear by my attitude. The second one, was my neighbor. He asked me if I was gay and if I had a crush on him, but I was so afraid of losing his friendship that I couldn’t tell him. Eventually, he dated a girl and I decided to give up forever. He didn’t know I was gay.
The third one, he was younger than me, and he knew I was gay, but even so he was always confusing me with his attitudes, saying things like ‘’one day me and you are going to have sex’’ and laughing after. He was so provocative, he was always kidding, with jokes, saying things, it gave me hope. I thought I had chances…. Until he started dating a girl. And so I gave up again.
Time passed, and here we are now. 2013.
I met a guy. He is younger than me, he’s 18. He is funny, and handsome, and he receives a lot of attention. He is GAY. Two months ago, during a game we were playing at a friend’s house, we kissed twice. The first kiss, we did it because it was a rule of the game. The second one, HE gave ME because he wanted it. We were and we still talk with each other almost every day, through facebook, whatsapp. We are always seeing each other. We go to the movies with our friends in common. We have a deep connection.
But now is the problem. I told him I loved him. It was so hard, because I never did it before. But considering he is also gay, I decided to take risks. He told me that he sees me as a friend, but that he doesn’t know what future may brings when it comes to his feelings. It can change, he said.
Soon after I told him, he decided to date a guy that he always told me he was never going to have a serious relationship. But now they relationship is getting serious.
And now I know the reason why I me and him can’t be together… I’m fat. He is always hooking up with guys who are thin and which look handsome. I know I have a pretty face and I enjoy this fact, but only my pretty face isn’t enough when I’m overweight and I have some pounds to lose until I finally look good and attractive.
This is hurting me! It hurts me only being his best friend. I told him yesterday that it was hard for me, seeing him with his boyfriend while I wanted him to be with me instead of being with his boyfriend. But what affects me the most is that I never had a boyfriend and I’m 25 years old! OH MY GOD…
And I know that, being overweight, by options are very reduced. Usually, guys which are interested in me are not my type, and they are few. I’m so afraid of being trapped inside this feelings for him during the whole time of my weight loss… I know that it will probably take one year to finally look good and attractive, not only for him, but for many other guys around me. But, dealing with the fact that what is left for me is being nothing but his best friends hurts me and I’m so afraid of not being able to handle this pressure and this sadness and give up my weight loss. I try to tell myself that, this time is the time when things will happen. I try to walk as much as I want and as much as I need to clear my mind, my feelings. I feel so inferior because I had few sexual experiences and I haven’t experienced loving someone and being loved in return. And it makes it harder because I’m gay! And I’m still single…
It hurts because our society is always telling us that people are worthy for what they have on the inside. But the fact is that, if people can’t be interested by yours looks, they probably won’t give you a chance to show you how amazing you are on the inside, how much love you have to give.
I considered getting away from him as an option, but I can’t: his friends and my friends are the same. The places I like to go are the same places that he likes to go. I don’t have too many options right now.
HELP ME. What would you do? What do you think I should do? I already told him everything I feel. He feels so sorry that he hurts me, but I told him he is not the one to blame, because he deserves to be happy, with or without me.
First of all, allow me to introduce myself. I’m male, gay, 25 years old and Brazilian.
Almost all my life I have struggled with being overweight.
When I was a kid, I was ok when it comes to weight. But, after 7 years old, after being really ill and taking some medicines, I’ve become obese. And after that I developed an obsessive eating pattern, eating a lot most of the time.
I’m 5.97 feet tall. At my heaviest, I weighed 333 pounds (2009, when I was 20). I successfully dropped from 333 pounds to 231 in the following year (2010). In 2011, I dropped to 197 pounds, but regained some of these back and in July, 2013, I weighed 253. Since August I started to walk a lot and I’m trying to eat healthy, and since then I weigh 235 pounds now. My diet is not the most correct one, but I’m trying.
But this information is just for all of you to understand my process.
There’s an aspect of my life that hurts me a lot when I think about it: my lovelife, my sexual life.
During my teenage years, a had a hard time accepting myself as a homosexual boy. I ate myself to death until I became numb. My first kiss happened when I was 16, as well as my first sexual experience. During all these years, I never ever had a boyfriend. I just haven’t felt confident enough to go after guys. And, every time I tried, I always got ‘’no’’ as an answer.
I only had REAL sex with one guy. I had other sexual experiences with a few ones, I kissed other ones, but the main problem with me is that I never was able to find a boyfriend because of my fear of receiving ‘’no’’ as an answer.
I fell in love three times: when I was 10; when I was 16; when I was 22. These three guys were my best friends in three different times. The first one, was a school friend. He never knew I loved him, even though it was so clear by my attitude. The second one, was my neighbor. He asked me if I was gay and if I had a crush on him, but I was so afraid of losing his friendship that I couldn’t tell him. Eventually, he dated a girl and I decided to give up forever. He didn’t know I was gay.
The third one, he was younger than me, and he knew I was gay, but even so he was always confusing me with his attitudes, saying things like ‘’one day me and you are going to have sex’’ and laughing after. He was so provocative, he was always kidding, with jokes, saying things, it gave me hope. I thought I had chances…. Until he started dating a girl. And so I gave up again.
Time passed, and here we are now. 2013.
I met a guy. He is younger than me, he’s 18. He is funny, and handsome, and he receives a lot of attention. He is GAY. Two months ago, during a game we were playing at a friend’s house, we kissed twice. The first kiss, we did it because it was a rule of the game. The second one, HE gave ME because he wanted it. We were and we still talk with each other almost every day, through facebook, whatsapp. We are always seeing each other. We go to the movies with our friends in common. We have a deep connection.
But now is the problem. I told him I loved him. It was so hard, because I never did it before. But considering he is also gay, I decided to take risks. He told me that he sees me as a friend, but that he doesn’t know what future may brings when it comes to his feelings. It can change, he said.
Soon after I told him, he decided to date a guy that he always told me he was never going to have a serious relationship. But now they relationship is getting serious.
And now I know the reason why I me and him can’t be together… I’m fat. He is always hooking up with guys who are thin and which look handsome. I know I have a pretty face and I enjoy this fact, but only my pretty face isn’t enough when I’m overweight and I have some pounds to lose until I finally look good and attractive.
This is hurting me! It hurts me only being his best friend. I told him yesterday that it was hard for me, seeing him with his boyfriend while I wanted him to be with me instead of being with his boyfriend. But what affects me the most is that I never had a boyfriend and I’m 25 years old! OH MY GOD…
And I know that, being overweight, by options are very reduced. Usually, guys which are interested in me are not my type, and they are few. I’m so afraid of being trapped inside this feelings for him during the whole time of my weight loss… I know that it will probably take one year to finally look good and attractive, not only for him, but for many other guys around me. But, dealing with the fact that what is left for me is being nothing but his best friends hurts me and I’m so afraid of not being able to handle this pressure and this sadness and give up my weight loss. I try to tell myself that, this time is the time when things will happen. I try to walk as much as I want and as much as I need to clear my mind, my feelings. I feel so inferior because I had few sexual experiences and I haven’t experienced loving someone and being loved in return. And it makes it harder because I’m gay! And I’m still single…It hurts because our society is always telling us that people are worthy for what they have on the inside. But the fact is that, if people can’t be interested by yours looks, they probably won’t give you a chance to show you how amazing you are on the inside, how much love you have to give.
I considered getting away from him as an option, but I can’t: his friends and my friends are the same. The places I like to go are the same places that he likes to go. I don’t have too many options right now.
HELP ME. What would you do? What do you think I should do? I already told him everything I feel. He feels so sorry that he hurts me, but I told him he is not the one to blame, because he deserves to be happy, with or without me.
0
Replies
-
hey, sorry to hear what you've been going through. unfortunately, though, unrequited love happens to most of us, at one time or another. but even if you don't believe it now, you will eventually meet someone that cares for you and loves you just the way you are.
if i were in your place i would probably distance myself from that guy as much as humanly possible. he's made his choice, and if it is painful for you to be around him, then just don't. out of sight out of mind.
wishing you the best!0 -
Focus on what you have control over- yourself. You are worth it. Perhaps traveling in different circles might help. Just please don't let it eat you- I didn't have many cases of people wanting to date me untill I was 21 with full blown anorexia. Now I don't care as much and people hit on me and I'm completely oblivious or they are giving me the stink eye for being different. Be yourself, don't live a lie to find a mate. Sexual inexperience is nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes confidence is key, when I don't care as much I'm more confident.0
-
first off it ok being your age and not haveing a bf, hell im almost 27 and never had one. The biggest thing is focus on your self. One pound at a time. If you find a guy in the process great, if not that great too. There is no rush to jump into something. And like an other poster said start hanging with different group of people. Love yourself and others will love ya too.0
-
You need to distant yourself from this guy! First of all, if he truly cared about you, he WOULD be with you, no matter what size you are!!!! 2nd of all, don't lower yourself to be wanting to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you. Focus on yourself! Do what you need to do for YOU!!! Someone will come along when you least expect it!0
-
first, what onemoc said, focus on what you can control. you can control your habits. you can control your actions. get these two in line and your confidence will skyrocket. when you're happy about how you look you won't care so much about the rejection. the sting from rejection will always hurt, but when you feel good about yourself and you are proud of your accomplishments, the weight of other people's judgments won't seem so bad.
i also agree with mustapekka, we all fall hard a few times in our lives and it hurts. but the only option is to reflect on why it didn't work out, find the lesson to be learned, and get up and try again. there is no need to keep people in your life who only serve to make you sad and make you feel lonely.
i've been in a place years ago where i felt crappy about myself, was hurting from heartbreak, and couldn't understand why i wasn't meeting anyone. you have to love yourself to take care of yourself, and also to show others how much there is to love. do things that make you feel good so you can form good habits and a good mindset about yourself. and lean on the community here because everyone is an amazing support and we have had similar experiences.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Thank you all! You're sooo great!!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0
-
wendy, andy, one-- everyone left really great comments and support, and I'm only adding an additional voice because I feel we took very similar paths-- with very similar emotions and experiences and hurt and frustration and all that.
But you have it one worse than I ever did coming from Brazil-- I traveled to Rio once in college and it was like there was a speedo-clad hottie machine just popping guys out onto Ipanema Beach!
But I was a normal kid (soccer all-star team, baby!) who somehow got fat but never knew just how fat I was (I suppose) because I was able to carry the day with street smarts, charisma, and charm. And then right around the time I realized I also liked boys, somehow that swaggerific charismatic charmer was no where to be found. Just a sad, scared, uncomfortable fat gay (young) man.
So between 18 and 20 years old I lost 210 pounds, going from 380 to 170lbs. I've since gone up and down a bit, and unfortunately have to again work at a major loss of weight from a series of surgeries I've had to undertake since 2010--- but the greatest lesson I learned, I got right from the start during that first initial weight loss.
After I lost just a first bit of weight I carried myself differently. All of a sudden swaggy Jake was back... and BOY was he getting laid! It wasn't because I was twink-erific (never was, never will be, getting to the point of never caring to be), but because I was confident of my abilities and my own self. It's easy as hell to say; much harder to believe. And incredibly difficult to internalize and start radiating toward others. It's something I still struggle with-- but find those things that give you some swag- whether it's hitting a cadence on the elliptical while blaring some amazing music or otherwise.
(oh- and to second andy just one more time- you have a whole life ahead of you. dont think you need a relationship. you might realize you don't even want one! i "dated" somewhat but never had a "serious relationship" until I was 26. But, like you, I CONSTANTLY thought about it-- worried I was somehow never going to get something "everyone else got," and that must show "just how ugly I am." That's what MY mind used to tell me-- and it took some time, but I realized I had way too much to do, to enjoy, to learn, and to experience by myself first. Just enjoy YOUR life!)0
