As I've said before: Life is hard.

Being fat is hard. It is hard to move, hard to breathe, hard to find clothing that fits, hard to consider what you think others are thinking of you. Heck, it is hard to look in the mirror, honestly look in the mirror, not just to focus on where you need to shave...

Losing weight is hard. You have to actually watch what and how much you eat. You can't have all the treats you want, or you have to give up your favorite fried food (at least as a regular food consumption item.) OMG, you have to walk and exercise.

Choose your hard.

My chosen hard has had some really great benefits, but lately I'm finding it is a bit too easy to justify not going to the gym. That has to stop. Just because the days are getting shorter and life is getting difficult is not a free pass to turn back into a couch potato. That first domino can start the entire process again...

In no particular order (except the first one):

- I made a promise to my older son on the day he was born. I said to him that he would never know his daddy was a fat guy. My goal was to lose the weight before his permanent memories started forming. Well, it's almost 4 years later, and I can't keep that promise to him anymore. However, I can make damned sure that his memories of my being fat are fuzzy ones at best.

- I have another chance to do the same with my younger son. He's 17 months old.

- I HATE being overweight.

- I want to make myself stronger and healthier because these are things I can control in improving my quality of life.

- A strength and conditioning coach that I admire named Mark Rippetoe once said, "Strong people are harder to kill, and generally more useful." That resonates with me.

- I want to look good naked.

- I want to love running, jumping, and climbing, like my children do. That is really hard to do when you're lugging around a bunch of extra weight.

I have several reasons for why I'm here, both tangible and intangible.

Here's a list, in no particular order.

-To feel strong and healthy and comfortable in my body.
-To be able to walk long distances without pain.
-To go hiking and camping without feeling limited.
-To love my body.
-To feel sexy.
-So that when I go to New York City next year for my best friend's wedding, I actually enjoy the trip and all that it entails, instead of feeling exhausted the whole trip.
-Roller coasters!
-So that when we're ready, my SO and I can safely start a family.
-To feel beautiful on my wedding day.

There are more. So many more.

I have a vast list of reasons...
1: My health, I have asthma and losing weight would help with that. Also my brother just died from colon cancer @ 31years old, it runs in my family and is an obesity related disease so I am trying to provent it from happening to me.
2: To feel comfortable in my body and confident about my mobility, I like to hike and go on adventures and dont want to be fearful about falling down and hurting myself.
3: To be able to wear all my skinny clothes (there's a lot of em) and feel sexy for my husband
4: To dance like I used too
5: To feel confident about myself
6: To have a renewed love for life
7: To have children one day
Really the list goes on and on. But I am starting to feel some of these things,starting to feel more confident, starting to feel like I can catch my breath easier and starting to feel that renewed love for life and that makes me excited

I am here because I am saying NO NO to the YO-YO! I have lost this 50-60 lbs so often that it should come with a zipper.

Now I am in the most dangerous area for me... having lost 60 pounds, complacence starts to set in. My guard slips and the weight loss stops... and then starts to reverse... until I am right back where I started!! Also, as the weather turns cooler in the year, I usually start to eat like a mother bear preparing for hibernation.

I have a love/hate relationship with myself. I love that I have gotten this far and I hate that I let myself put on this much weight (and so many times). I have become my own twin! :noway: My high weight in my 20s was 135. How did I let myself think that 150, then 175, then 200, etc. was 'okay'?? Why did I wait this long to decide to do something???

The difference NOW?!? I am taking this on as a change of lifestyle, not a diet. I am NOT going backwards. And I am reaping the rewards already. When I was at my highest weight, I could barely get through 2 sets of tennis every other day. I played tennis on Sunday for two hours and almost 4 hours last night!! :bigsmile: I am seeing the benefits in many other things that I used to take for granted - like tying my shoes without finding a chair to sit in and my feet not hurting at the end of the day.

I am doing my very best to only focus on the future - regrets are a waste of energy and emotion now. Thanks to everyone in this group and on MFP who are so supportive on the journey. :flowerforyou:

OK, nicely home from work snuggled on the couch with my kitties and my veggies and dip

My main reason for this journey I've undertaken is that my health was deteriorating so badly, to the point where I almost couldn't walk to the lunchroom anymore from my desk at work. I realized that I was facing getting a walker, or doing something about my weight. I'm only 34, and that was a scary wake-up call. I didn't want to have to have a walker, and the part-pity part-scorn looks that would come with it wherever I went.

I have dreams that involve me not being an immobile blob. I used to love going for hikes, and I would love to be able to do that again. There are so many amazing places to visit, but having to stay on the flattest shortest trail is not nearly as fun as being able to explore the other trails. I can't wait til I can take the pretty hike at the Bruce Peninsula National Park again and go swim in the grotto there.

I want to be able to sit in a movie theatre without getting bruises from the arm rests. Ditto most places with chairs with arms. I'd love to not have to gingerly weight-test unfamiliar chairs in the hopes that I don't collapse them. I'd love to never have to replace a friend's toilet seat again...

I'd like to go to Wonderland again (is an amusement park for those not familiar with it) because right now I exceed all the weight restrictions on the rides. I love roller coasters and things!

I want to be able to do fun things with my friend's kids, who are very little but already know that Auntie needs to sit a lot and take breaks. I would love to go skating or sliding with them!

I want to be able to reach things that fall under my desk without needing a reacher. If I need to get something on my hands and knees, I want to be able to do that too, like if things roll under the couch. There are a lot of things I can't reach right now!

I want to be able to stand on my tip toes again. Not sure if that will ever really work what with the foot injury from when I broke my foot, but I think being lighter will make a big difference there!

I want to go shopping at a store where the sizes don't go to 6X. Some of those Old Navy clothes are so cute! I want to be able to wear pantyhose again so I can wear a skirt in the winter.

I want to put away the seatbelt extender for the car. And not have to request one anywhere else I go.

Some of my I-wants have been met already. I wanted to be able to wear some jeans, and I now fit in some jeans! That was a happy mini-victory. I can walk to and from the lunchroom at work without pain. These little changes are a sign that what I'm doing is worth the struggles. Some days it is so hard, but I really want all of the above to come to pass, and I think this time I will be able to do this!

I definitely have to thank all of you for sharing your stories, your struggles, and your support. We're all in this together!

*hugs* Holly, I'm glad we're all in this journey together

Cary, what an amazing read, you're such a wonderful person and I am SO impressed with how much hard work you've put into this. It's stories like this that make people like me stay on track and remember to do my best. For some of us it may take years, but oh man, it's going to be worth it