Yet another black man sent me the article “Is the Black Church Keeping Black Women Single?" They usually send it to start some dialogue that ends up with the “you black women are too angry and not subservient enough and by the way I’d date you if you’d loosen up a bit.”

I'm technically not single anymore. I've read that article and feel it was really more propaganda to stir up the dating coach's business.

I don't think it's the black church keeping most of my friends single. My closest friends are all "church girls" and ministers. Like me, they are successful in life and their positive outlook and radiant smiles attract a significant amount of male attention. The reason so many remain single isn't the principles of the church but rather the hesitancy to date outside the race (where the men are more used to mutual serving and don't just show up at church to get a sista) plus the "black woman's micromanagement + attitude" (brought on by a cultural history of poor treatment by their men) combined with low availability of black of professional black men who don't exhibit an entitlement mentality (why put up with your attitude when I can get a white/asian/muslim woman to serve me).

Church girls are always told to stop looking in the church and start looking in bars. Well, part of that is true: you don't want to look in church because the men there are either a) fakin (to get a sista), b) brought their by their mothers, or c) their with their wives (or soon to be ex-wives). But a woman of faith is not going to find a suitable mate in a bar or at a tailgate if she doesn't enjoy drinking or sports. A better piece of advice would be don't exclude men of the world for the church unless church IS your life, and look for men aligned with your hobbies and interests (which kinda means you need to develop some). Women who truly feel called typically don't complain about the lack of men. Black or White or Whatever living a holy calling will automatically reduce the dating pool and most truly called women are ok with that. “Lord, I give up the world to follow You.”

Few of my friends here in the NCR are sad about being single. If a man comes along who can complement their lives, great. If not, their life is great already. People say "lofty ideals won't keep your bed warm at night" but few women (when they are talking to just women) truly care about the bed being warm. When I was in Shreveport it was more of a big deal because women were broke there and had few upwardly mobile opportunities. They put up with a man for his financial provision, his ability to make their lives easier, sex (funny how MOST women I talk to, even the ones who love sex FAKE it because the man doesn’t perform haha), and the status of being in a relationship. Here, in the NCR, those superficial things don't matter as much and women can provide for themselves and hire someone to repair what's broken.

So no: I don’t think it’s the black church keeping black women single. And if any woman feels her church impedes her dating, she should re-evaluate her faith and reasons for serving.

PS: Yes, I know my race talk might be offensive. Sorry if you’re offended, but it IS my blog and nothing here is intended to be derogatory.