Online dating, what a farce!
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teshiburu
Posts: 262 Member
So, I have been single for some time now, and I have a strange set of interests that don't really fit together with each other too well. Just to list a few:
Gaming (pc or console)
Cycling
Swimming
Running
Squash
Being outside
Whilst this list isn't mutually exclusive, it would appear to me that there are no such triathletic gaming girls out there who enjoy a walk along the beach.
And this was the main issue in my last relationship, I don't greatly enjoy going out and getting totally smashed every friday, I'd much rather be lost in a virtual world with my friends (which I have met and know them all personally in and out of games :P ) or out cycling with some other friends, or just knocking out my 5k runs in the gym, now whilst it is good for couples to have shared and separate interests it would be nice to find someone who shares the same mentioned above, they are all "shared interests".
So, I thought why the hell not I will give this internet dating a go, so I signed up to a site, filled in a profile with enough information to let out some of who I am but to not totally ruin the purpose of dating someone; why do people do that? do they feel that a marriage proposal will just be sent to them? any way I digress: On this particular web dating site, you can answer questions that are supposed to match you with people who share the same opinions, now whilst this is good in practice there is obviously room for some people to answer with how they would think their ideal partner would want them to.
So I have now answered over 300 questions on this site and am getting matched with people who are near to me, and are over an 80% match, which I thought to be pretty good giving my diverse opinions and such, Oh, before I go any further I feel I should mention I have aspergers syndrome, this doesn't affect me in the least other than confidence when talking to people I don't know, thats why games online are so much easier for me I can just be who I am without any fear, so I mentioned this on my profile as it has ruined relationships in the past, I figured why go through months of struggling with someone who can't accept my little quirks :P
So I have sent out numerous messages to people who this site has matched me with (80%+) and at last count I think it was around 60 people within 20 miles of me happy days! I should get at least 2 dates from that! Oh how wrong I was, not one reply in 3 months. I know that most of these sites are a bit top heavy when it comes to the male to female ratios and means women can be picky, but come on not a single reply, not even one to say "sorry I am not interested"
Personally I really think people glance at a profile photo before even reading a profile or message, whilst I understand that physical attraction is a massive part of a relationship, does that give women a right to just blank you right out? I imagine if it was done in a public place like a bar or some what, and I made a pass at a women, I would at least get a slap and called a pervert lol, but they would at least acknowledge your existence for a moment or so whilst they laugh at you or tell you to piss off or watch their BF pound on you :P but just because it is online does that mean the rules of engagement change?
I suppose what I am getting at here, is what do you think about online dating? What do you think I could have done wrong? Should I have not mentioned my aspergers?
Wow, this is a long post
Gaming (pc or console)
Cycling
Swimming
Running
Squash
Being outside
Whilst this list isn't mutually exclusive, it would appear to me that there are no such triathletic gaming girls out there who enjoy a walk along the beach.
And this was the main issue in my last relationship, I don't greatly enjoy going out and getting totally smashed every friday, I'd much rather be lost in a virtual world with my friends (which I have met and know them all personally in and out of games :P ) or out cycling with some other friends, or just knocking out my 5k runs in the gym, now whilst it is good for couples to have shared and separate interests it would be nice to find someone who shares the same mentioned above, they are all "shared interests".
So, I thought why the hell not I will give this internet dating a go, so I signed up to a site, filled in a profile with enough information to let out some of who I am but to not totally ruin the purpose of dating someone; why do people do that? do they feel that a marriage proposal will just be sent to them? any way I digress: On this particular web dating site, you can answer questions that are supposed to match you with people who share the same opinions, now whilst this is good in practice there is obviously room for some people to answer with how they would think their ideal partner would want them to.
So I have now answered over 300 questions on this site and am getting matched with people who are near to me, and are over an 80% match, which I thought to be pretty good giving my diverse opinions and such, Oh, before I go any further I feel I should mention I have aspergers syndrome, this doesn't affect me in the least other than confidence when talking to people I don't know, thats why games online are so much easier for me I can just be who I am without any fear, so I mentioned this on my profile as it has ruined relationships in the past, I figured why go through months of struggling with someone who can't accept my little quirks :P
So I have sent out numerous messages to people who this site has matched me with (80%+) and at last count I think it was around 60 people within 20 miles of me happy days! I should get at least 2 dates from that! Oh how wrong I was, not one reply in 3 months. I know that most of these sites are a bit top heavy when it comes to the male to female ratios and means women can be picky, but come on not a single reply, not even one to say "sorry I am not interested"
Personally I really think people glance at a profile photo before even reading a profile or message, whilst I understand that physical attraction is a massive part of a relationship, does that give women a right to just blank you right out? I imagine if it was done in a public place like a bar or some what, and I made a pass at a women, I would at least get a slap and called a pervert lol, but they would at least acknowledge your existence for a moment or so whilst they laugh at you or tell you to piss off or watch their BF pound on you :P but just because it is online does that mean the rules of engagement change?
I suppose what I am getting at here, is what do you think about online dating? What do you think I could have done wrong? Should I have not mentioned my aspergers?
Wow, this is a long post
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Replies
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Well I hate to tell you, women (at least I did not experience) a top heavy load of messages from men at all. I was wondering if I had a second head growing out of my neck.
I gave it up after only a couple weeks because I found the type of guys there were to be sub par to my wants/needs. I guess I am getting pickier the older I get lol.
I know for some it works wonders, I just think for me, that I was not cut out for it. Maybe you aren't either?0 -
Hi there! Yes you are right internet dating is a farce in many ways and can at its worst be hurtful. Unfortunately girls can be rude, but the thing to remember is that, if you are going to put yourself out there, you must be able to handle the rejection. In my opinion, it probably would be better to leave out the fact that you have Asperger’s syndrome because most girls do not understand it and may be dismissing you right away without giving you a chance to see how special you are and that you really are just like the rest of us. Once you get to know each other you can tell later, but putting it on your profile gives girls the impression that you are damaged.
Another thing to consider is that when you are actively seeking a relationship, it is going to take some effort; so even though you are a gamer, most girls want a guy who will hang out and go places; whether it be enjoying the outdoors or going to a book store and occasionally out on a Friday night. To get the best response, it is best to make your profile more oriented on fun and getting to know that special someone. In the end you will have time to share all your secrets. Now as far as girls not liking games, I love games, but you have to keep gaming separate. Once you settle in nicely you can play together!
Lastly, you must understand that some girls on dating websites who are cute are most likely highly sought after, so keep in mind that they may be getting hundreds of emails so don't take it personally. Beautiful girls can be shallow, so it may be better to set your sites on more average girls that you will give you the time of day. Just some thoughts! Good luck to you!
Below is a link to several articles you can read to help you decide if online dating is worth it.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/search/query?keys=online+dating&x=0&y=00 -
I agree with jmoliveson about taking your Asperger's out of your profile. When you start talking to someone, tell them early on, and talk about some of the ways that it might affect your relationship should things move forward, but the profile is supposed to be your best foot forward. We know going in that everyone has their flaws, we just figure we'll find out about them as things progress.
I try to give the thanks but no thanks message when I see a deal breaker right away. But I've had some bad experiences with people when I have done that, so it's hard to do so after someone else called me a fat sl*t because I told them no.
What are your messages saying? I like ones that include more than a sentence of "Hey how are you?" or "What are you looking for?" I put the latter on my profile and the first is nice and polite, but give some indication of what in my profile made you message me in the first place.
For the gaming bit, if you're gonna mention it, maybe mention how often/long you game.... I like games but am not a gamer. I play maybe once a month or so, and am not a MPORPG person....more First person shooter. So it's not something I really talk about in my profile, but if I were playing at least once a week or more, I would mention it.
Online dating sucks. On both sides.
You'll find someone who embraces those qualities.0 -
I would agree that online dating is hard on both sides! I have gotten so many creepy and perverted men. With that being said I've also had some great dates. I find that sites you pay for offered me more quality dates....0
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On line dating summed up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIM-8DT-F_k 0 -
So I have to consider myself an expert on this topic. Why? For the last 2.5 years I work as a manager for one of the leading online relationship web sites.
There is definitely success to be had on all sites; however you do get what you pay for. So the free sites- you get nothing b/c you paid nothing.
The site that I work for is a no go for certain demographics in terms of success. If you're African American female, Asian female, or Jewish. Your matches will be slim at best.
The #1 complaint from men about women is their weight. They don't live an active lifestyle.
The #1 complaint from woman about men is they are too short.
The problem is so many people focus on looks that they miss the person who is right for them and will adore them like a king or queen. You have to many NON ken's and NON barbies who want a KEN or BARBIE! Ridiculous!
I've personally been a paid member of a few sites over the years, but with no success. I get a lot of views but not communications. Based on my feedback from men calling my job i know it's b/c of my weight. I get it. I want the best from my partner, so I have to be my best for him!0
