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How to respond to the question "why are you single?"

imsleepdeprived
imsleepdeprived Posts: 82 Member
in Social Groups
I haven't dated much - for a bunch of reasons - at least the ones I have recognized. I get the wrong types of guys interested in me. Often they are not as ambitious as me, or have a completely different perspectives on finances, more importantly our moral values do not match etc. I tend to talk to everyone, so some of the more "interesting" guys take that as an invitation to pursue me - even though I am not interested.

I also don't meet many single guys, or if I do, I end up in the little sister or friend zone. Suffice to say, I have been on quite a few dates, but I have not dated that many guys - 4 or 5 for up 3 months and 1 lasted ~10 months. On the rare occasional I meet a guy who is interested in me and I am interested in them, I always get asked about past relationships (ie longest relationships, serious relationships etc) and my numbers don't make sense to them. Until last year , i had never had a serious relationship. My response is I haven't found the right person yet - or I don't really know. And its also a very common question if you meet a guy online or at speed dating (at least in my experience!)

Any suggestions as to the best way to respond to this question?

Replies

  • Sweetestthing87
    Sweetestthing87 Posts: 276 Member
    I really dislike this question. :grumble:

    There are many reason so many of us are still single.

    I am still single for plenty of reasons. Too many to list. Here are my top few.

    1. I have 2 kids in high school (busy schedule for them = busy schedule for me), some men don't understand!
    2. I have standards (lately I have met a lot of unemployed, unhappy, unmotivated men)
    3. I like my ME time and time with friends (maybe I have been "single" too long)

    Overall, I think your "I haven't met the right man" works.

    I like a man who can focus on your future and not your past. That is what I try to do. :smile:

    Good luck OP!
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    I am in the same situation as you really. The first time I get asked the question I usually respond with "I just haven't met the right guy I wanted to date long term yet."

    If they push for more details then my answers really vary depending on the guy I have the date with so I can't say what my response would be. If I feel like he is someone I can talk to and might want a relationship with I usually tell them "that for most of my 20s I wasn't happy with myself so didn't really date much but in the past couple years I have come to know and appreciate myself more and want to share that with someone special and I just haven't found that person yet."

    I don't know if these are the right answers but they are typically my answers.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    Little diferent then you since I've been married and stuff but when guys ask me this question I tel them the truth. I haven't met a guy worth the time and trouble relationships have in them ...
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member
    Because I have issues.

    Is that a good answer for a first date?
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
    Because I have issues.

    Is that a good answer for a first date?

    Yes. That would be my answer as well. If I were to go more into details, body dismorphia, i.e. to myself I look and feel heavier than what I really am, which leads to lack of confidence. I am also shy and I suck at reading the signs when it comes to the opposite gender. If a girl is flirting with me, 99.9% of the time I miss it completely. If I do notice it, I just think she is being friendly and isn't really interested in me in a romantic way.
  • imsleepdeprived
    imsleepdeprived Posts: 82 Member
    lol - not sure saying "Because I have issues" will lead to a second date!
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    Until last year , i had never had a serious relationship. My response is I haven't found the right person yet - or I don't really know. And its also a very common question if you meet a guy online or at speed dating (at least in my experience!)

    Any suggestions as to the best way to respond to this question?
    People will ask this (crappy) question for the following reason:

    - As a mundanity, or compliment ("Oh, you are so incredible, how come you are still single!?") or because it is an obligatory question when you are dating. And in this case, your answer makes perfect sense (the answer doesn't really matter, only that you acknowledge their comment).

    - As a "trick" question (which I would personally ask as follow: "Ok, you seem like a great person and all that jazz as far as I can tell, so what's the thing that made your previous relationships fail and that I should be aware of?"). If this is the intent of the question, then your answer will seem a bit vague (but the way they ask the question is too, so I can't blame you).

    But, really, do you think your answer might be a problem with those guys? I think it's just the classic answer for this classic question.

    And... I suppose the same question formulated by me would be more: then why did you not take the steps necessary to meet the kind of men you would be potentially attracted to? (job too demanding, too shy, wasn't in a big town and didn't get many opportunities, wasn't confident with myself, etc.)
  • Smiling_Sara
    Smiling_Sara Posts: 203 Member
    Well, I usually tell them "I'm working on myself" as my answer. I certainly have a difficult time telling anyone the "real" reason behind my singleness. :(
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    you can always just belittle them with an answer such as "Umm. Because I am not dating anyone or married." or "I don't know. Why are you?"
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
    Because I have issues.

    Is that a good answer for a first date?

    Yes. That would be my answer as well. If I were to go more into details, body dismorphia, i.e. to myself I look and feel heavier than what I really am, which leads to lack of confidence. I am also shy and I suck at reading the signs when it comes to the opposite gender. If a girl is flirting with me, 99.9% of the time I miss it completely. If I do notice it, I just think she is being friendly and isn't really interested in me in a romantic way.

    I don't know if it helps, but this is me to a 'T' as well - you're not alone in this, Cesar! There are other reasons as well, but this plays a big, BIG part in why I'm single.
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    Because I have issues.

    Is that a good answer for a first date?
    Yes. That would be my answer as well. If I were to go more into details, body dismorphia, i.e. to myself I look and feel heavier than what I really am, which leads to lack of confidence. I am also shy and I suck at reading the signs when it comes to the opposite gender. If a girl is flirting with me, 99.9% of the time I miss it completely. If I do notice it, I just think she is being friendly and isn't really interested in me in a romantic way.
    I don't know if it helps, but this is me to a 'T' as well - you're not alone in this, Cesar! There are other reasons as well, but this plays a big, BIG part in why I'm single.
    Regarding the body issues... I suppose that aside from the people with their dream body (very few), this is everyone to an extent.
    The good thing about not being single then is that you feel someone accepts you regardless of your perceived problems (if you guys needed a reason to not be single :laugh: ).
  • raige123
    raige123 Posts: 352
    Because I have issues.

    Is that a good answer for a first date?

    Haha reminds me of the movie "Friends With Benefits" where they were either "emotionally damaged" or "emotionally unavailable".

    I've always hated having to answer this. I never know how. I'd like to say "because my ex is an idiot who would have rather been with an ugly, unemployed, hateful woman who has 2 baby daddies who pay for her house then be with me". Pretty sure that wouldn't score me too many second dates.

    *Edit - Yes I still have anger towards him and am slightly bitter over the situation still!
  • laurenz2501
    laurenz2501 Posts: 839 Member
    I hate this question too. As someone else pointed out, they're either asking because they've run out of things to say or have nothing more intelligent to say...
  • imsleepdeprived
    imsleepdeprived Posts: 82 Member
    well if they ask because they ha've run out of things to ask...that is pretty sad!
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
    Because, fuck you.
  • Follow_me
    Follow_me Posts: 6,120 Member
    Because I'm currently down on my luck.
  • azhcanedition
    azhcanedition Posts: 29 Member
    sanity
  • Temporalia
    Temporalia Posts: 1,151 Member
    I don't get the question that often...usually I just say that i'm doing great on my own and that i'm at a comfortable place in my life. The reason I don't get that question is that most people who know me know that my last 2 relationships (last 10 years) have been horrible including verbal abuse, money abuse and a sh*tload of other issues.
  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,438 Member
    I like to respond with "even though I've found men I can live with, I have yet to find the one man I can't live without."
  • imsleepdeprived
    imsleepdeprived Posts: 82 Member
    I like! I decided to venture out online - and I keep getting guys who are 20-25 (I'm 35). Where are the 30-40 yr old men???
    I like to respond with "even though I've found men I can live with, I have yet to find the one man I can't live without."
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    I like! I decided to venture out online - and I keep getting guys who are 20-25 (I'm 35). Where are the 30-40 yr old men???

    Same issue here.
  • silver_arrow3
    silver_arrow3 Posts: 1,373 Member
    According to all of my past break-ups (where I'm the dumpee), it's not me, it's him.

    I'm just gonna go with that.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    Been in two relationships in my life, 7 and 3 years. They were previously friends so I don't feel like I've ever really 'dated'. The two long terms ended up with serious substance abuse issues over time. I did go on one date a few months ago, but the guy turned into a psycho. I blocked his number, but some update on my phone still lets me know he still tries to call daily.

    I apparently only attract psychotic Scorpios.

    My life is easier without men right now. Lol.
  • Sweetestthing87
    Sweetestthing87 Posts: 276 Member
    I like! I decided to venture out online - and I keep getting guys who are 20-25 (I'm 35). Where are the 30-40 yr old men???

    Same issue here.

    I get either 20-25 year olds or 50+ :sad:
    I am 36.
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    Tried POF. Got positive feedback from 250+lbs late 40s-50somethings, otherwise completely ignored.
    I'm 39. Gave it up. When nobody's buying, what's the point in selling? :laugh:
  • skierxjes
    skierxjes Posts: 926 Member
    My typical answer to this obnoxious question is, "Cause I'm fat... but I'm working on it :)" and they back off. My parents friends ask it ALL the time. "You have such a pretty face and a good personality...." Thanks for beating around the bush about me being fat, so I'll just be the one to say it out loud :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,438 Member
    Tried POF. Got positive feedback from 250+lbs late 40s-50somethings, otherwise completely ignored.
    I'm 39. Gave it up. When nobody's buying, what's the point in selling? :laugh:

    there may be "plenty of fish" in the sea, but in this particular lake a.k.a dating site there aren't many keepers :laugh:
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    Tried POF. Got positive feedback from 250+lbs late 40s-50somethings, otherwise completely ignored.
    I'm 39. Gave it up. When nobody's buying, what's the point in selling? :laugh:

    there may be "plenty of fish" in the sea, but in this particular lake a.k.a dating site there aren't many keepers :laugh:

    :laugh:

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