Advice about siblings and coming out
sassymanatee
Posts: 102 Member
I came out to my older brother and he was fine with it. My partner and I have been together for 3 years and this week we came out to my partner's little brother (18 yrs old) who has been very close to me that he even called me "other big sister." While he supports LGBT, he won't stop crying and going through the stages of grief. He says he worries that it will create distance between him and his sister and he's terrified about his parents who are flaming homophobes. I'm really worried about him and our relationships with him. He's already cancelled plans with us and asked to not hear/see any details of our relationships because "it's still weird to him." What should we expect as time goes on? Will things stay awkward like this or is there a way to help?
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Replies
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Oh darling! What a horrible situation, I really feel for you all. You've done the right thing telling him, but if he's grown up with the views of his parents then it might take a period of adjustment before things settle. I wonder if it might be helpful to write something to him, from the both of you? Perhaps just share some of your worries with him also, let him know that you're not expecting anything from him, that he's 'safe' in his relationships with you and that nothing really has to change unless one day he would like to know more about your relationship? It might just be enough of an olive branch to get things moving between you again .. after all, time will be the best healer, you just need him to spend some of that time with you!
I don't have personal experience of this sort of situation, but I have points of reference from many friends and in fact my own mother stopped my auntie from telling me and my siblings about their relationship! You have done the right thing, he just needs time and a gentle guidance.
Will you let us know how you're getting on?
Much love to you all x0 -
Today he actually texted me first about the whole thing saying he was feeling a bit better about it. He expressed that he was really embarrassed and worried he acted inappropriately so I comforted him saying his feelings were genuine and we loved him no matter what. Idk, he has an easier time talking with me about these things than his sister. I think things will get better, but for now it's still weird and new.0
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You're both doing well though, he obviously wants to come back to you .. a little more time and I'm sure it'll be like he was never away! Keep us up to date on progress, I'm sure it's reassuring for others to read
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Just let him know he is loved and respected and it will improve in time. Baby steps. I know with me it took a few years for some of the family to come around but I kept coming back and now except for one brother who is 9 years older all the family treats me with the same love and respect I have always tried to give them. Even Uncles that were real homophobes have come around. After i was in a committed relationship for a few years Family members would say how happy I seamed and as I had not always been a happy stable guy it really must have showed.
Love I think can change the world0
