First, welcome!!!

I've bulked a few times, twice in my early 20's for the basic need to gain weight and then a competition and I did an unplanned, unguided one last year. All 3 times I was extremely lean including the start of my current one. I don't know the my BF for the first 2 as I was underweight at one point but last year and now I was around 14% BF. Each time I wanted more and more muscle, so that was when I knew it was time.

Regarding your question, in a way your husband is right and is the advice I give. There have been guidelines for women to be under 20% or I even read one study of 19-23%. There are theories regarding calorie partitioning and what will be used for fat storage vs muscle building but the ultimate question is this; how long do you want to cut? What will you be comfortable with? The higher BF you start at, the more fat you will have to cut thus meaning either a longer or even more drastic one. Some get inpatient and do drastic cuts resulting in loss of muscle, what was the point then? You will gain fat on a bulk. If you want optimal muscle gains, you will have to reduce/eliminate cardio and put on weight. Yes you can lean/clean bulk depending on your goals and how much muscle you want to add, for myself I'm now in the mindset I don't want anything to interfere with my gains and choose not to get too caught up in minimal fat gains.

So ask yourself what your final goal is and I don't mean just add muscle. Do you have a certain look you're trying to obtain, a certain BF or do have a physique you desire? Then ask yourself how long are you willing to dedicate to it. Bulking is easy in many ways, cutting F'ing sucks. I don't like to eat in a deficit anymore than I have to bc even a small one starts to effect my strength and gym performance at a point. I am of the mindset to bulk when your goal is to add muscle but your mind is ok and trained to know you'll gain fat as well. Bulking/Cutting is not a part of the lifestyle train for me, they are temporary guides to get you to a certain point. If you have a solid lifting plan in place and are ready to pack on muscle with the notion of gaining some fat, I think you'll be ready once you hit your goal weight and maintain for a few weeks to give yourself a diet break.

I think you got a good plan. My only suggestion would be to give yourself the summer if not more to cut. You generally want to give yourself as much time in a cut as you did in a bulk. I'm not familiar with all the training that goes into a tough mudder but I definitely think it will help you.

I think Lyle McDonald recommends women bulk around 20% or less. I did it at 25%, but it was mainly for physiological reasons. I was still really happy with the results however and didn't gain much fat (probably because I combined newby gains with bulking).

The only thing I have to contribute to this thread is the link that Evgeni posted on your status. I'm just starting to consider bulking, as well. Our goals are pretty similar, as is our reasoning. (i.e. More or less OK with body appearance now; want moar strength gains; willing to take it slow; etc.)

http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/muscle-gain/initial-body-fat-and-body-composition-changes.html

I'd be interested in hearing what the lovely ladies who have been through this already (possibly multiple times) think of this article, as well.

That article is a very educated and to the point with facts; that's why it's a sticky in this forum. He writes essentially what we are saying; that reducing body fat to an acceptable level is best first then bulking. However there are ladies who've bulked outside of those guidelines and have had success. I just want to point out also that you don't need to bulk for strength gains. After reading more of what tough mudder training is I think it would be more beneficial for you to eat at maintenance during that phase then bulking later. That's essentially a lot of cardio and can hinder your progress.

The only thing I have to contribute to this thread is the link that Evgeni posted on your status. I'm just starting to consider bulking, as well. Our goals are pretty similar, as is our reasoning. (i.e. More or less OK with body appearance now; want moar strength gains; willing to take it slow; etc.)

http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/muscle-gain/initial-body-fat-and-body-composition-changes.html

I'd be interested in hearing what the lovely ladies who have been through this already (possibly multiple times) think of this article, as well.

I think Lyle's article is targeted towards bodybuilders are people who want to look like bodybuilders. If you want to end up pretty lean, then yeah, you should start your bulk pretty lean. If you are okay with 25% body fat, then there's no reason to cut to 20% before bulking.

My bulking before and after starting and ending both probably around 25% body fat.

Tough mudder traniing is totally different physical traniing than bulking. For the Mudder you need stamina , agility , speed , etc You do need upper body strength but not in the form of "bulk".

I totally agree with this. I've done a lot of mud runs and plain old races. Adding bulk now will most likely hinder your progress for the TM. My suggestion at the moment is to eat at maintenance and start your bulk when it's over. I ran a marathon and started bulking the next day.