We had our anatomic sonogram scan this week. I was so exited to another opportunity to see the little person hiding inside me, but it turned out to be a really scary experience. I just wanted to share, in case other people have similar experiences.

My husband could not take time off that day, so I went by myself. First it was really fun, confirming it was a girl and all. The technician was really thorough this time. I figured she was just less experienced. However, after 20 minutes of her checking the same over and over again, I got a little concerned. She reassured me that I was just early (19 weeks), so a lot of the organs she was looking at were not properly formed, and that the baby was in difficult positions. After 30 minutes I was really concerned, and asked her to tell me what she was finding. So she told me I had to speak to the doctor and left the room for half an hour.
When the doctor finally showed up I was sure something was very, very wrong. The doctor told me they found a water cyst on the child's brain, an indicator of a very serious chromosome abnormality. She recommended Id call my doctor and have have an amniotic fluid test performed. She also informed me that the test was risky with 5% fatality, and if they found the child actually have the disorder I can terminate the pregnancy up to 24 weeks. A child with the disorder will most likely not survive birth, or fist year.
I walked out of the office feeling the entire world had just crushed down on me. I tried to call my OB/GYN to get more clarity, but he was away on a 2 week vacation. Calling my husband I could not talk, just cry.
Hanging up on my spouse I felt so bad for not being informative, just an emotional mess, leaving him at total loss and sorrow too, so I sat down to write down all the facts in a message to him.
Blessed modern technology!! The more I googled the information the doctor had left me, the more the clouds brightened.
The statistics told me 2% of all fetuses have these cysts on their brain, and only 1% of these actually turn out having the disorder if they show no other symptoms (triosom 18 disorder) In other words: the chances for my child being totally normal is 99%. Thats pretty good odds!!
I don't understand why the hospital doctor recommend I take a test that decreases the child's chance to survive with 5%, when the actual threat of mortality is 1%.
I also am frustrated that she presented it to me in such a vague way. I know my emotions and anxiety at that point probably stopped me from processing the information objectively. All I could hear was worst case scenario, but if she had backed her facts up with actual numbers it would have been less daunting. Maybe is a very scary, big word when you are upset. 1% is way less scary and a whole lot smaller than maybe.

I don't know what I want with sharing this. I guess I just really needed to get it out, because it still worries me.
Suddenly my focus has changed from a kind of laid back attitude about the whole thing, to a strong urge for her to survive and be healthy.
I would love to hear if anybody have similar experiences.
And I guess i also somehow lost my faith in doctors, but at the same time found more confidence in myself and my own ability to gather information.
Also I would recommend everyone to have the doctor write down all the information he/she shares on a piece of paper for you. I insisted on having her write all the phrases down, and that totally saved me a lot of worry when I later could look it up again.

I hope I didn't scare anybody about having their sonogram now. Its easy to remember that its not about you seeing the baby, but spotting any issues and complications that might appear. And its the doctors job to let you know what they find. However. All they find are indicators, and in most cases these turn out to not be real problems.

Praying for everyone to have strong healthy babies!