the rush of people with New Years resolutions
staringatthesun
Posts: 38 Member
well, this is kind of silly, but i'm going to post it anyway just in case anyone out there can relate! 
i have only been on MFP for a couple weeks, but i've been losing weight steadily since around september, when i finally switched off a med (abilify) that had completely halted my metabolism and led to a 25+ pound weight gain. oh, and i guess i should mention, i'm in recovery from anorexia, binge-purge subtype! my last stint in treatment was in 2008, and while of course it hasn't been an easy road since then, i've been doing really well the last few years. anyway, these days i'm still weighing in above what my "doctor-provided recovery goal range" was in treatment, and i'm weighing in even higher above the slightly lower weight i feel most comfortable at, where i maintained for quite a while after completing treatment.
i joined MFP in an attempt to keep better track of my intake and weight loss, so that i don't end up eating either too little or too much without realizing it, and so far i really like both the app and the site! but in perusing the forums these last couple days (slightly obsessively admittedly), i can't help but get freaked out by the massive amount of people posting that they're "back" or "starting again" or about how much weight they gained after they "gave up" or got "complacent" or when "life happened" --- there are so many people! most of them seem like great, lovely people, and i'm getting so freaked out, because if it happened to them, how do i know it won't happen to me?! my immediate reaction to this fear is to want to restrict as much as possible and lose as much weight as possible, so that i have a great big cushion of potential weight to gain back should this happen to me, and so that i make sure i stay as far away as possible from the possibility. obviously, this is my eating disorder talking... or is it?? i don't know!! i mean, i know it is an eating disordered thought, i think? i just really wouldn't mind some feedback on all of this, or even just an internet-hug or something, if anyone out there knows what i'm talking about!
thanks everybody. and happy new year!
i have only been on MFP for a couple weeks, but i've been losing weight steadily since around september, when i finally switched off a med (abilify) that had completely halted my metabolism and led to a 25+ pound weight gain. oh, and i guess i should mention, i'm in recovery from anorexia, binge-purge subtype! my last stint in treatment was in 2008, and while of course it hasn't been an easy road since then, i've been doing really well the last few years. anyway, these days i'm still weighing in above what my "doctor-provided recovery goal range" was in treatment, and i'm weighing in even higher above the slightly lower weight i feel most comfortable at, where i maintained for quite a while after completing treatment.i joined MFP in an attempt to keep better track of my intake and weight loss, so that i don't end up eating either too little or too much without realizing it, and so far i really like both the app and the site! but in perusing the forums these last couple days (slightly obsessively admittedly), i can't help but get freaked out by the massive amount of people posting that they're "back" or "starting again" or about how much weight they gained after they "gave up" or got "complacent" or when "life happened" --- there are so many people! most of them seem like great, lovely people, and i'm getting so freaked out, because if it happened to them, how do i know it won't happen to me?! my immediate reaction to this fear is to want to restrict as much as possible and lose as much weight as possible, so that i have a great big cushion of potential weight to gain back should this happen to me, and so that i make sure i stay as far away as possible from the possibility. obviously, this is my eating disorder talking... or is it?? i don't know!! i mean, i know it is an eating disordered thought, i think? i just really wouldn't mind some feedback on all of this, or even just an internet-hug or something, if anyone out there knows what i'm talking about!
thanks everybody. and happy new year!
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Replies
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I completely know what you are talking about, and this IS the eating disorder takling. I've had this very thought over and over and over again. You know what I think, that succombing to this though (restricticng as much as possible in order to have some "spare weight" to gain) is exactly what breaks people. You will succeed because you will never stop trying. You will have better days and worse days for sure, but people that go through all the struggle of an ED and work hard to just "be" are fighters, hence, they win eventually. I believe that.
Don't let this ruin your fun and don't panic. Breath
This time of year is fun and all, but it really can throw a person completely off balance...I know.
Sending you the biggest internet-hug ever
Happy new year!0 -
Hello!!
I am looking for friends here at MFP to support motivate encourage and understand each other. This is my story made short so if you want to be friends add me please (or anyone interested)
Wish you happy new year and love !!!
I started with ED's at 13 but was diagnosed at 16 with ENOS then I started really restricting foods and calories and was diagnosed with anorexia at 18. Had a strong episode was hospitalized at 20, started to binge and purge but got tired of it and went back to restricting. Hospitalized again at 23, 25, and tried recovering but hated it :-P. Then I sort of got ahold of it without letting me eat me completely but still struggled a lot so at 28started a water fast that lasted a month and again was hospitalized. Then I started practicing an incredible Buddhist philosophy which really changed the way I saw things and kept healthy for 4 years meditating and happy. Then my dog died on November 16 and I have stopped practicing Buddhism and I again find myself in this stupid maze !!! I am 33 now and thought I would be over it by now but as a psychiatrist once told me : Anorexics are like AA's you never recover completely and it is always latent.
I am fat now so I really hope to loose my bodacity and get in shape !! I am even thinking of a liposuction since my mom wants it too and we wanted to do it together. I just hope she doesn't notice I am back on restricting.
My friend did noticed and gets on my case sometimes but I don't care I am just not well right now!! I will handle it though.0 -
Think about what you know as facts trying not to let anxieties (ED monsters) influence you. I know it is hard but it helps me set a healthy plan though! Then stick to it as if your life depends on it (it actually does) and feel like your favorite heroesse fighting any thought that deviates you from your chosen path. It helps me put it in a fantasy context. At the end it is all about how we feel and doing this helps me not feel guilty for either not eating enough or too much!! Agh just even typing it makes me anxious. Over 20 years struggling and I am back on the anxious roller-coaster of my ED
But I am hoping to help by sharing ... I am here for you if you need to talk or vent.
Wish you love!!0 -
Your words are so easing and encouraging!! Thanx they were just what I needed to hear! Xoxo
Happy new year!!0
