Seek out diagnosis or not
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joybedford
Posts: 1,680 Member
Hi my name is Joy I have 3 children. Marcus is 18 (not a child I know) and my twins are 9. Marcus has ASD , piers has aspergers and ADHD. My question regards my daughter Lydia. She has always troubled me a little until recently she was very under confident too shy and very much a loner. She struggled to build relationships with her peers and was often withdrawn. Recently thanks mainly to dancing she has grown in confidence and has a small network of friends who help and support her. However she remains completely unorganised always forgetting schoolbooks, dance bag etc. she is completely obsessed with American sitcoms like How I met your mother, Big Bang theory (we live in the UK). She will watch one episode turn the channel and watch it again, given a chance she would do this all day. When watching she doesn't even acknowledge anyone it is like she doesn't hear (I have had her ears checked many times). This causes problems motivating her to go to dancing etc. she still argues with people easily as she wants her own way all the time, she is very stubborn. Having said this she is doing ok at school, school don't particularly have any problems with her but my husband and I are both convinced she has ASD possibly ADHD. Are we doing her a huge disservice by not seeking out a diagnosis. I can deal with her as I have the boys but she presents differently to them. Really torn as to what to do.
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How old is she? Is she one of the twins? As a parent with children on the spectrum, it's really easy to always look for symptoms in other children. \I would mention it to the pediatrician or to your sons' doctor of you're concerned. I don't know if girls with milder symptoms present differently than boys do but she could just be hormonal or she could be internalizing some kind of stress with living with siblings on the spectrum. I have one son on the spectrum and another who is deaf and they often have issues interacting with each other because they don't take each other's problems into consideration. How does she get along with her siblings? Could she feel like she's not getting any attention? I don't think escaping into a silly TV show or even watching it repeatedly indicates an issue but that's just my opinion. Ask a pro.0
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I was not diagnosed as a child, in fact it was only in the last year right before I turned 38. I believe that a diagnosis when I was young could possibly have helped with a lot of my struggles. Sometimes I feel like I was forced to become strong and capable because I wanted so desparately to be NT; but it's a very lonely, rough life when you don't quite fit in anywhere and don't know why. It's not that aspie girls necessarily have milder symptoms, it's just that we mostly hide them better. Even now I am a very productive and mostly well adjusted wife and mother and employee, but I will always have a very hidden side. And it is absolutely the most exhausting life. I always had a small group of friends all through school but never any deep, personal relationships with any of them. And physical activities always were and are the best thing for keeping me from being a depressed hermit. Even now, a lot of people have a hard time believing my diagnosis because of the male stereotype in their mind and it's not like they really know me anyway. It might be very hard to get into her head or for her to express herself, but try to talk to your daughter and see what she thinks about it. And definitely do a little research on aspergers in females, as I'm sure it is very different that what you see in your sons.0
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I have two daughters both on the Spectrum but very different. Bella(8) has just gone through diagnosis and is borderline - very different from her brother who is diagnosed and TBH we did not think ASD until the peads bought it up. She has a very small group of friends and is more obsessed with people than things. We have to go back in a year to see where she is at and maybe a diagnosis. She is also very good at hiding her problems at school but we end up with all the problems at home.
Then we Have Darcey who is 31/2 and the peads first saw her when she was 2 and saw clear indicators of autsim and we already had guessed that what' she had. She is so 'typically' high functioning like her older brother and she is seeing the team next week for the assessment.0 -
Have her tested, if nothing else, for your own peace of mind.0
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I had a doctor a long time ago ask me if I got a diagnosis, what would it change? If you're not looking to get her on an IEP or medication and you'd handle everything the same as you are now, is it worthwhile? My son is autistic/developmental delay and I'm sure my daughter is ADD. He is diagnosed so he could get the extra help and IEP that he needed. She, on the other hand, is not. We've made modifications with her. Her teacher moved her to a less distracting seat at school. We've made dietary changes. While that works for me, some people like getting a diagnosis for peace of mind. It's really a family choice.0
