How Do You Answer Nosy Questions?

Gardener0
Gardener0 Posts: 6 Member
After having GSV, what do you say to people asking questions about your weight loss that you don't want to answer? I feel my choice to have this surgery is very personal and private; it's simply no one else's business. At the same time, I don't want to be deceptive and pretend I didn't have surgery by inferring the weight loss is due to diet and exercise alone. In addition, I'm just not interested in educating the people who see GSV as "the easy way out" that surgery is a tool, not a cure, and that requires a dedicated and lifelong commitment. How do you handle it??

Replies

  • FFfitgirl
    FFfitgirl Posts: 369 Member
    I didn't tell anyone I had the surgery.
    When I lost weight no one really asked how. They know I work out. I'd post things on Facebook about my workouts occasionally.
    "This fat girl just ran a mile" everyone has a tool for weightloss, something that helps them through it. For me nobody needed to know surgery was my tool
  • jennielou75
    jennielou75 Posts: 197 Member
    I told everyone before my op!!! It is a personal choice but everyone at work and my family knew throughout the whole process. Even the children in my class knew I was having an operation to get rid of my fat tummy!!
    I know I was lucky because everyone has been incerdibly supportive. I do now have people asking if I should be eating that if anything remotely naughty heads towards my mouth but apart from that it has been fine.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    Everyone has to deal with the nosy questions in whatever way makes them comfortable. I am very private also, and I generally don't offer up information on my own, but if someone asks me how I lost weight, I tell them the truth - I lost 70lbs on my own and I had surgery to help me with the rest of my weight loss. For me personally it's part of the process of owning all the steps of my journey. I am not worried about anyone judging me, that's on them, and I know I made the best choice for me. I also feel like being open about it helps lessen the stigma that some people attach to weight loss surgery, and I don't mind giving people a little insight to the process.
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
    I've always been absolutely honest. There is no shame in having WLS, and those who sneak, lie and deny perpetuate the belief that WLS is "cheating" or "taking the easy way out."

    You don't have to offer information, but if people ask you directly, be honest. If they offer a negative opinion, just say, "Thank you, I'll take that into consideration," and change the subject.
  • Mangopickle
    Mangopickle Posts: 1,509 Member
    I don't bring it up but if asked I am honest. I had health issues that could no longer wait to be addressed so I prayed for guidance and made the difficult decision to have WLS. I then usually change the topic. I don't worry about judgment from others, that is their problem. Everyone who loves me has supported me.
  • PaulaKro
    PaulaKro Posts: 5,789 Member
    A friend of mine doesn't talk about it because it is frowned on by her family (perhaps cultural). She's heavy into exercise too. When they asked how she met me, she told them we both have heart problems. She lets them assume.

    A coworker may have had surgery, and people gossiped about her. An acquaintance may have, and people worried he was sick.

    It was easier for me to clear the air instead of having people imagine and talk. So I was open about it. As a result I met people who could help me and others who wanted to know what to expect. People have been supportive. I'm lucky.
  • Rief3
    Rief3 Posts: 420 Member
    I have not told a lot of people, I guess it is the judging and the explanation of the "easy way out" though as we all know, counting calories and exercising is the "easy way out". I just tell them I had health issues and had to take drastic measures; cut way back on carbs, high protein, cut calories and proportions and exercise about 6 times a week. The one question that bothers me also is "How much weight have you lost?" I really do not want everyone to know how much I use to weigh, again being judged. But everyone handles their situation differently, find what you feel most comfortable with, remember it is your journey.
  • pawoodhull
    pawoodhull Posts: 1,759 Member
    It's really a personal decision, to tell or not. I have always been very open about my surgery. I weighed 386 when I started this and knew that the drastic weight loss the first year would make everyone think WLS, so why try and be coy about it? They would talk and speculate just like we all do when we see someone lose a lot of weight fast. Furthermore, I use my journey with WLS as a teaching opportunity. If people ask how I tell them. If I can help one person walk away from obesity, it's worth any negative comment I may get.

    Frankly most people are supportive. Yes I get some questions, but most are just because they want to know what I'm doing or why I decided on the surgery. I've had a few who were less than supportive, but that's OK too. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
    It's really a personal decision, to tell or not. I have always been very open about my surgery. I weighed 386 when I started this and knew that the drastic weight loss the first year would make everyone think WLS, so why try and be coy about it? They would talk and speculate just like we all do when we see someone lose a lot of weight fast. Furthermore, I use my journey with WLS as a teaching opportunity. If people ask how I tell them. If I can help one person walk away from obesity, it's worth any negative comment I may get.

    This.

    I was the first among my group of coworkers (nurses at a large hospital) to have the sleeve surgery. I was open from the beginning, and actually provided education to many of the docs that I work with who saw my progress. Since I had the sleeve in September of 2011, 4 of my coworkers have also had the sleeve and successfully lost weight, and quite a few of their friends have had it as a result of their experiences.

    Even now, people see how hard I work out, and how I continue to track my calories and work to manage my weight. I don't think that anyone who has witnessed my weight loss with the sleeve would dare call it "cheating" or "the easy way out." When weight and obesity is concerned, there is no easy way out.

    The stigma attached to weight loss surgery will not go away until those who have it stop being secretive and ashamed about it. Here are some easy, polite answers to the common arguments.

    Do some people have complications? Yes, but many people also have severe complications from diabetes and hypertension.

    Do some people regain their weight? Yes, but 95% of all people who lose significant amounts of weight regain their weight.

    Why can't you just diet and exercise? Most of us have had to prove multiple failed attempts at dieting and exercising prior to being approved for surgery. I lost over 250 pounds in my lifetime with yo-yo dieting before having the sleeve -- regained every pound plus some.

    WLS is "cheating." Fine. I'll cheat my way to being thin and healthy. Hey, I know! Let's see who can deadlift more in the gym -- do you even lift? LOL
  • jennielou75
    jennielou75 Posts: 197 Member
    I work in a primary school in London K to 2nd grade equivalent. I worked there for 5 years before I asked to be referred for surgery and so they all travelled the journey with me. They brought in clear soup when it was someones birthday and I was on pre op. Someone else bought me in a low fat mousse when it was their birthday and I was post op on purees. They have been fiercly protective over me and have become very knowledgable about the whole process.

    A parent whose child I taught when I was at my biggest saw me a year post op. He came to speak to me and eventually got round to asking if I had been ill!! I just told him I had surgery to help with weight loss and he sadi well done you look great and walked off.

    I have heard people talk about negative reactions but the only ones I have had have been on here and they are easy to ignore, Maybe I hae been lucky but it has been a great process for me.
  • DJRonnieLINY
    DJRonnieLINY Posts: 475 Member
    I have felt it much easier to just be upfront and matter of fact. "I had a surgical procedure to help me get healthy, and I am now in the gym working out 4 days per week". While many people prefer to keep things private it's impossible to hide 85lbs of weight loss in 3.5 months. For most that's enough, some have honest questions and others say "oh" and that's it. I am very happy with my decision and proud of the results. The best way, IMHO, to minimize the negative people is to model the positive.
  • heretowin
    heretowin Posts: 7 Member
    Let's see who can deadlift more in the gym -- do you even lift? LOL

    THIS! I feel like I need to incorporate "Do you even lift, bro?" into my library of come backs to nosy criticism.
  • bikrchk
    bikrchk Posts: 516 Member
    I told my immediate team before surgery. They have been very supportive. Now that I've lost almost 60 lbs, others in the office are beginning to ask questions. I tell them the truth. I've adopted a new life style after having surgery to reduce the size of my stomach. Is it weird, absolutely, but I tell for 2 reasons. One, if they or someone they know is struggling I want to be honest about the fact that my quick success is due in large part to a tool they don't have. It's not fair to them to let them compare their success to mine without all of the information. Two, if they or someone they know are struggling, I want to be an ambassador for this procedure because it has changed my life for the better permanently.
  • demilade
    demilade Posts: 402 Member
    I am 100% honest - I see a dietician, I am very careful what I eat, I exercise. All of this is totally true and it's all they need to know.
  • JxAAA
    JxAAA Posts: 87 Member
    I haven't had surgery yet, I've actually been contemplating it for a couple of years and finally started the process. I know a couple of people who I'm 99% sure they had WLS but neither chose to share their journey (can't blame them, to each their own). I wish they would have felt comfortable enough to share, I think it would have been helpful for me to talk to someone who had the procedure. I would have done mine a lot sooner had I know what I know now.

    I know it's not their responsibility, but sharing would have made a difference for me personally. After my surgery I hope to be honest about my journey and if it helps at least one person then I'll deal with the judgement from others.
  • dsjsmom23
    dsjsmom23 Posts: 234 Member
    I am 100% honest - I see a dietician, I am very careful what I eat, I exercise. All of this is totally true and it's all they need to know.

    THIS
    I haven't had surgery yet, but I have been making the lifestyle changes that I will need to stick to once ive had it. I have lost weight on my own. People in my life know that I am making these changes, and they are very supportive. They have noticed the weight that I have lost, my surgery won't be for awhile, so i'm hoping to lose more before then.
    I am also hoping to have my surgery during summer break (i'm a teacher) so when I go back to work, people will most likely just assume I kept up with my program.
    WLS isn't really big here (BC) people that are uneducated assume you have to travel to the USA and pay big money for it. Not something I would ever be able to do, so I don't think people will talk behind my back and assume I had surgery.

    I am not hiding anything, or lying about it, I am just a private person, and I don't feel its necessary to announce to everyone I meet what I did.

    That being said.....


    I wish they would have felt comfortable enough to share, I think it would have been helpful for me to talk to someone who had the procedure. I would have done mine a lot sooner had I know what I know now.

    I know it's not their responsibility, but sharing would have made a difference for me personally. After my surgery I hope to be honest about my journey and if it helps at least one person then I'll deal with the judgement from others.

    If someone I know is struggling with their health/weight, and they ask me what i'm doing, I will absolutely discuss it with them, and tell them exactly what I did. It just all depends on the person, and WHY they are asking me.
    I'm not interested in being a topic of gossip around the water cooler.

    I may be jaded about this, because I have a very good friend who had VSG. She lost 170 pounds, and is very open about her surgery. I have seen people say "wow, good for you" to her face, then talk bad about her behind her back.

    I have told 4 people what I am doing. My husband for obvious reasons LOL, my friend who also had the surgery, and lost 170 pounds (she's the reason I made the call in June 2012 to be put on the waitlist) and my 2 closest friends (who don't know each other LOL)

    I was very selective of who I told. I want people who truly love and care about me, and want whats best for me, and who will support me. I'm not interested in being judged.
  • KimberlyinMN
    KimberlyinMN Posts: 302 Member
    I only told my best friend, my in-laws and my parents. My best friend had a gastric bypass almost 4 years ago. She lost 90 pounds and has gained back about 40. My in-laws were totally thrilled and supportive. My mom was the only one who said anything negative about the surgery. My dad told her to knock it off - "She's going to do it anyhow, so you might as well get used to it." Go Dad!

    Well, I can see her point though. My dad's sister (my aunt) had a bypass about 20 years ago and has had nothing but problems. She had to go to the Mayo Clinic to have part of her intestines removed. Then she had a tumor in the stapled off stomach that burst (or something like that), so they had to go in for more surgery. Most recently she had to get a colostomy. I don't think it's a coincidence that she's had all of these issues. (Plus she had gained back all of her weight before these issues came up.)

    I did tell my teammates at work about the surgery, but not until the Friday before my surgery. I just did NOT want to hear anything negative. It is a big decision to make and hearing people talk dirt about it wouldn't help. I was already re-thinking the surgery that week before. Was I doing the right thing? You know, all that stuff.

    Nobody else at work really noticed my weight loss until I was about 70 pounds down. Although some of that probably had to do with the fact that I was wearing the SAME clothes, only in smaller sizes. Tricky, eh? When it WAS noticed, thankfully people came up to me individually and asked what I was doing to lose the weight. I told them. I was mostly the gals who were also overweight. They were REALLY interested in the surgery. What's funny is that no one even realized that I had been gone for the two weeks that I took for surgery and after. :) I was our integrated testing coordinator for the software we used at a healthcare system and when I came back from my two weeks, I just jumped into my scheduled meetings to lead.

    I just started a new job about 1-1/2 months ago and I just told one gal yesterday while we were killing time in an airport on our way back home. She was the first to mention to me that she'd had gastric bypass five years ago and was working on losing the 30 she'd regained. So I mentioned that I'd had the surgery 1-1/2 years ago and had lost 150 lbs so far. She was so surprised! Actually, most people are because my body is very proportionate. (I don't have the hips that some folks get after surgery.) My hubs often comments on my hourglass shape.

    When I go out to eat with a group, I still order what *I* can eat. Like a hamburger without the bun, substitute either fruit or raw veggies for the fries, etc. (Or I ask for TWO fries.) If someone in the group mentions my order, I just tell them that bread really fills me up - which isn't a lie. :)
  • reisu
    reisu Posts: 16
    At work, I told everyone...it would have been obvious, for one, after a drastic weight loss. Secondly, well...people talk, and I *did* tell my immediate coworkers. It would have become common knowledge, anyway.

    I didn't have any shame in getting it done, I was only angry at myself for having it have to come to this. I've let some of my closest friends know (they do not live near me). Everyone else, well, if they haven't been told, they don't need to know:)
  • when I first decided to have my surgery I did not want to tell anyone. I have been struggling with weight loss and no matter how hard I tried nothing seamed to work. after a couple months I decided that I should be proud. I had made a big decision to get healthy. if you don't agree with me that's fine but you have no ideal how hard I worked to loose nothing. I am proud that I am on my journey to be healthy. and in the end I will be happy that I feel good again and no one can take that from me!!!! many people think that you just want to be skinny and I will tell them that is the least of my concerns.
  • Let's see who can deadlift more in the gym -- do you even lift? LOL

    THIS! I feel like I need to incorporate "Do you even lift, bro?" into my library of come backs to nosy criticism.

    OMG I MUST use this, immediately.
  • What I hate the most is the fake concern for my well-being. You don't care if Im ok. You just want the tea. LOL I'm not here for it. I had my first coworker come up to me and ask my what did I have surgery on since I was out for two weeks.

    First of all, that is HIGHLY inappropriate to ask and secondly, I must be honest, I didnt tell the whole truth. Then she walks away and walks back and says "Hey you look like youve lost some weight, keep that up"..... I side-eyed her for the rest of the day. LOL. We aren't close. She doesnt even know my name. It wasnt her business to know.
  • dsjsmom23
    dsjsmom23 Posts: 234 Member
    What I hate the most is the fake concern for my well-being. You don't care if Im ok. You just want the tea. LOL I'm not here for it. I had my first coworker come up to me and ask my what did I have surgery on since I was out for two weeks.

    First of all, that is HIGHLY inappropriate to ask and secondly, I must be honest, I didnt tell the whole truth. Then she walks away and walks back and says "Hey you look like youve lost some weight, keep that up"..... I side-eyed her for the rest of the day. LOL. We aren't close. She doesnt even know my name. It wasnt her business to know.


    Tell her you're having a sex change operation LOL

    (I know, probably not politically correct, but i'm feeling particularly snarky today lol)
  • Love, love, love those responses!
  • dsagel
    dsagel Posts: 14 Member
    My answer to those people I don't know well enough....It isn't really a diet but portion control and exercise play a big part in what I am doing. That usually provides them with enough information so they realize it is not something they want to know more about...lol.
  • Losing_Sarah
    Losing_Sarah Posts: 279 Member
    I also didn't tell many people. Just the closest people to me. It am under no obligation to tell anyone, and it is my choice to keep it to myself and small circle of supporters.

    I have had people start to notice and some ask what "my secret" is. I say that I am eating smaller meals more times a day, eating a high protein/lower carb diet, and exercising. I admit, I do feel a little deceptive by not disclosing that I've had surgery, BUT it really is my choice to tell or not to tell. One wouldn't be obligated to tell people they had any other medical procedure whether it's an elective procedure or not, would they? Exactly!
  • hurricanelena
    hurricanelena Posts: 83 Member
    Interestingly, no one has asked me about my weight loss other than those who already know. Maybe its because I'm early out still?

    I told a LOT of people, mostly because I was excited and I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I also work with only 23 other people many of whom had to cover my shifts while I was on SL. I'm not sure how many of my co-workers actually knew, but I've told at least 5 people: 2 of whom are my good friends, another 1 whom I've bemoaned many time about being fat, and another 1 who asked a lot of health problems of their own and asked me was I okay because they say I was out for two week on SL (I'm single and live alone and she was concerned that I was having some medical procedure and would be alone).

    My immediate family knows, I think I told two of my close cousins (we all struggle with obesity, and it was me getting a breast reduction a few years ago that prompted one of them to do it as well), an aunt and uncle who live relatively near by, my best friend who came up to stay with me after surgery. I imagine I would mention it to my extended family if it came up, but I'm not sure how they would take it. Despite the fact that all of them are obese, have multiple medical conditions, and we've lost a number of people to disease.

    From my family's point of view, its not about "cheating" but the concern that you are "altering what God gave you" to achieve weight loss. I wonder what they think about all the man-made chemicals that they take to function?
  • kayc6670
    kayc6670 Posts: 13
    ditto! good answer :smile:
  • Mbdb131
    Mbdb131 Posts: 13
    you sound like me, lol. I have been researching the sleeve for about 2 years. Im always on the fence about getting it done, im mostly scared of leaks and I alway worry about any long term problems that The drs might not be aware just yet. anyway, i wish you lots of luck. Im also in the process of testing too.