Would you "test" an SO?

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JanieJack
JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
Was talking with someone about BB and noted that we had very few conflicts over the last year and a half. Little things like me calling his step-mom his step-mom (he prefers the term "my father's wife"). TBH, since he's so laid back, most of our "issues" have been on my end "Hey, I was having a rough day and it made me feel worse that you posted dumb stuff on facebook but never responded to my text," and resolved pretty quickly. I've also had some big issues (apparently I was the only person in his whole life that told him he had bad teeth... then again, so does everyone out in that part of the country lol) that have either been addressed or I simply let go.

Since we're starting to talk about the next step, she thought it wise of me to do something that really gets his goat just to "test" his reaction and see what kind of guy I'd be dealing with (and how much I could get away with). I thought that sounded pretty mean. Conflict resolution style is very important to me, and I think I have a handle on how he handles conflict.

Do you know someone who's tested out an SO? Has someone done that to you? Did it work out? Do you think it's a smart idea? Why or why not?

Again, I have no intention of testing BB: I think he's been "tested" enough with my military deployment, anthrax-ruined-eye-drama, outspoken-ness and general social-ineptness. I'm just curious what other people with other lifestyles think about this concept.

Replies

  • grum84
    grum84 Posts: 428 Member
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    I had an ex girlfriend (first sexual relationship, so stayed WAY too long after the red flags) that would always bring her sisters baby around me and always find a way for me to have to hold the baby.

    Found out later, during our breakup, that I would make such a good father. I was so natural with her sister's kid and it was a quality she was looking for and loved about me. Not sure if it really qualifies as a test, but wonder if she would have broken it off if I had dropped the kid.

    Personally, I think the whole idea of testing a relationship is absurd, and only questions the trust that you have to begin with. If I have something I want to know, I am very open and honest to a fault, and I will talk about it. Testing is just playing games, and who likes to have games played?
  • laurenz2501
    laurenz2501 Posts: 839 Member
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    I was tested before but it was in a good way you could say. Just starting to get serious with my late fiance. He was EXTREMELY adamant about not doing drugs. We went out to a bar and he tried giving me a pill and kept telling me to take it and how it "wasn't a big deal" etc. I said no (obviously) and the pill ended up being an Aspirin. He told me I passed the test, he was proud of me and we made our relationship "official" shortly after. I can see where he was coming from with the drug thing, but I don't think I would personally test someone. When do you stop testing "just to see"? You can test people for a lot of things. I could see it snowballing and agree with grum84 that relationships have to have trust (as difficult as that is for me to do). You will have enough tests in your relationship along the way. If you find out that he has an explosive temper or you have different conflict resolution styles, it should be through the process of time not by your own hand/on purpose. It will be more genuine that way. Otherwise do you tell him years down the line? "Remember that time I said/did......well I was just testing you". Think about how you would feel. Just my thoughts. :flowerforyou:
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member
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    I don't think dishonesty and trickery are a good way to start a relationship. I personally prefer to walk around the world being a pretty trusting person and occasionally get burned than to constantly be suspicious of everyone.

    I would see it as a red flag if someone was baiting me into doing something bad.

    But, it did work out for this guy:
    Slugworth.jpg
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
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    I don't think dishonesty and trickery are a good way to start a relationship. I personally prefer to walk around the world being a pretty trusting person and occasionally get burned than to constantly be suspicious of everyone.

    Pretty much this. I think tests like these are stupid games that I don't want any part of.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    i wouldnt do it. i had an ex who tried and it backfired because i dumped his butt.

    emotional manipulation in any shape or form isnt cool and i'd also go so far to say that people who are OK with doing stuff like that will probably exhibit other types of sociopathic behaviors
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
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    I don't think dishonesty and trickery are a good way to start a relationship. I personally prefer to walk around the world being a pretty trusting person and occasionally get burned than to constantly be suspicious of everyone.

    Pretty much this. I think tests like these are stupid games that I don't want any part of.

    X3
  • Temporalia
    Temporalia Posts: 1,151 Member
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    I don't think dishonesty and trickery are a good way to start a relationship. I personally prefer to walk around the world being a pretty trusting person and occasionally get burned than to constantly be suspicious of everyone.

    Pretty much this. I think tests like these are stupid games that I don't want any part of.

    X3

    This!

    I`ve been tested before, I never get on board with it. A relationship should be based on honesty and trust. These games are useless.
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
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    Not for me. Smacks of distrust and paranoia, hardly the bedrock for any relationship.
  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,440 Member
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    another one for the not for me, it's dishonest and immature. A good relationship needs to be based on trust and honesty.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
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    I had a friend who's roommate used to test the girls he dated and he would always tell us about the different ways a girl did not pass a test. We figured he was single because he had so many tests girls had to pass without even knowing it that there was no way anyone would.
  • Prahasaurus
    Prahasaurus Posts: 1,381 Member
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    Women test men all the time. It's practically a daily occurrence:

    1 - Do this make me look fat?

    2 - Do you think she's pretty?

    3 - You don't need to buy me anything for my birthday.

    4 - You don't have to come to my mother's house if you don't want to.

    5 - If you want to play golf with your buddies on your day off, go ahead, it's fine by me...

    etc., etc., etc.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
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    Women test men all the time. It's practically a daily occurrence:

    1 - Do this make me look fat?

    2 - Do you think she's pretty?

    3 - You don't need to buy me anything for my birthday.

    4 - You don't have to come to my mother's house if you don't want to.

    5 - If you want to play golf with your buddies on your day off, go ahead, it's fine by me...

    etc., etc., etc.

    Wow, way to generalize ALL women! :grumble:
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
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    Women test men all the time. It's practically a daily occurrence:

    1 - Do this make me look fat?

    2 - Do you think she's pretty?

    3 - You don't need to buy me anything for my birthday.

    4 - You don't have to come to my mother's house if you don't want to.

    5 - If you want to play golf with your buddies on your day off, go ahead, it's fine by me...

    etc., etc., etc.

    Wow, way to generalize ALL women! :grumble:

    You just failed.......:wink::laugh: