Is my metamour sabotaging me?
Options
mandorla
Posts: 81 Member
Hi poly people, I need some help. I don't have many people to talk about poly problems with and I'm hoping you can offer some advice.
Background: My boyfriend, we'll call him Brad, is married, we'll call her Jane. The boyfriend and I have are coming up on 2 years together. Currently I spend weekends at their home and weekdays. In a few weeks I will be moving in with the boyfriend and my metamour.
Back several months ago Jane's doctor told her to get to loosing weight and lowering her numbers. She did good, and when I stepped on the scale and saw 250 I decided to start loosing weight too. Things were going well. There were healthy foods in the house and healthy planned dinners. Brad made a few almost unpredictable changes to his eating habits and in the last several months has lost 24 lbs. Jane quit tracking her intake and hadn't been hitting the gym. She lost no weight in a month and gave up.
I now feel as thought she is trying to sabotage Brad's weight loss. I feel like she is intentionally making high fat foods and keeping high fat desserts in the house so he stops loosing weight. I'm trying not to take it personally, but I keep thinking to myself that she's also trying to sabotage me. I can't blame her for my lack of will power, but coming home to high fat meals without any warning is driving me mad.
I'm about to move in, they buy all the food in the house, she plans almost all the meals. I'm afraid I don't know how to say something without sounding like a crazy person, or ungrateful for everything they help me with.
I have to loose weight, my healthy and life depend on it. I want to be able to look at pictures and not want to delete them.
I've worked my butt off the last several weeks, I eat really well when I'm not with them, but I'm really struggling to control my eating while at their house.
Advice, help, please!
Background: My boyfriend, we'll call him Brad, is married, we'll call her Jane. The boyfriend and I have are coming up on 2 years together. Currently I spend weekends at their home and weekdays. In a few weeks I will be moving in with the boyfriend and my metamour.
Back several months ago Jane's doctor told her to get to loosing weight and lowering her numbers. She did good, and when I stepped on the scale and saw 250 I decided to start loosing weight too. Things were going well. There were healthy foods in the house and healthy planned dinners. Brad made a few almost unpredictable changes to his eating habits and in the last several months has lost 24 lbs. Jane quit tracking her intake and hadn't been hitting the gym. She lost no weight in a month and gave up.
I now feel as thought she is trying to sabotage Brad's weight loss. I feel like she is intentionally making high fat foods and keeping high fat desserts in the house so he stops loosing weight. I'm trying not to take it personally, but I keep thinking to myself that she's also trying to sabotage me. I can't blame her for my lack of will power, but coming home to high fat meals without any warning is driving me mad.
I'm about to move in, they buy all the food in the house, she plans almost all the meals. I'm afraid I don't know how to say something without sounding like a crazy person, or ungrateful for everything they help me with.
I have to loose weight, my healthy and life depend on it. I want to be able to look at pictures and not want to delete them.
I've worked my butt off the last several weeks, I eat really well when I'm not with them, but I'm really struggling to control my eating while at their house.
Advice, help, please!
0
Replies
-
As a triad the meal planning is a big part. Specially if there is dietary needs. I would suggest making shopping a group activity so you have more say over what comes into the house. I would also suggest sharing the food prep days. This way even if she is pushing fatty foods it's only half the week and you can push for a harder work out those days. Also with warm weather (at least here) coming I would suggest group outings like to parks or just walking around the block. Try connecting with her and seeing if youcan support her getting back on track for her own health reasons.0
-
There are always things that need to be done in a household, like cooking meals, doing laundry, general cleaning and so on. As a way to 'take on more responsibility' in the household, you could start taking on the meal prep for 2 or 3 meals a week. Pick up what you need on your way home, make healthy meals, and see if this doesn't trigger her to do the same. It might be a gradual process, but one step forward is still a step forward. You might also try making a game out of both/all of you finding scrumptious new recipes on your own, and each of you testing your new recipes on each other.
We all need support but we don't always get it in the way that we need it. Perhaps a subtle approach, like I suggested above, will make her feel more supported in a way that empowers her. I know I feel supported when I am asked to participate in events (walking, swimming, etc), but when my husband gives me 'that look' and says "you don't need that", then it just pisses me off and it is not supportive at all. My husband on the other hand, would feel that I was being supportive if I acted that way towards him. =/0
