Newbe Question For Les/Bi
soldiergrl_101
Posts: 2,205 Member
I have been openly Bi-sexual since I was about 17 in the military (26 now). I was married for 5 years and I recently divorced him for many reasons. In the back of my mind though I always noticed I thought more about girls sexually than I did guys. I am to the point where I want to try having a legitamit girlfriend not just fun escapades with female friends. But I am not really sure how to approach or even find a girl, which is odd because I dont have any problem doing so with guys. With girls I never know if they would be into the idea or how to approach the subject anything of that nature. Im not into butch so its not like I would know based off of looking at them.
How did you find your first? I dont want to go the craigslist route for obvious reasons lol
How did you find your first? I dont want to go the craigslist route for obvious reasons lol
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i'm in the same boat as you where i'm not necessarily into butch ladies so i don't know which women are ok to approach. i met my current girlfriend on okcupid. i tried a few other dating sites but i liked that one the best, honestly.
Another alternative is a gay bar. i do a fair share of flirting there and ladies are fair game. if they're straight, they'll tell you as much and most likely wont be offended or weirded out since, you know, gay bar.
It also never hurts to just generally strike up a conversation with a stranger you find attractive. not with the intent of dating them per se, but to be friendly and see where it goes.0 -
You could also strike up a conversation with someone you think looks "butch" (though it's really hard to tell by looks). If it turns out that they are lesbian/bi they probably know other women that they could introduce you to, or even better, know where the local hang outs are.
I would look at reviews for gay bars before you go because they can be vastly different scenes and some may be closer to what you are looking for than others. Some in Portland are indistinguishable outside of a few rainbow flags (and of course who is holding hands with who), others have huge screens playing porn, awesomely over the top drag shows, S&M themes etc. You could always ask someone you talk to in a bar if there are other, lower key hang outs (coffee shops and the like) that might make it easier to meet someone.
Good luck!0 -
I would look at reviews for gay bars before you go because they can be vastly different scenes and some may be closer to what you are looking for than others. Some in Portland are indistinguishable outside of a few rainbow flags (and of course who is holding hands with who), others have huge screens playing porn, awesomely over the top drag shows, S&M themes etc. You could always ask someone you talk to in a bar if there are other, lower key hang outs (coffee shops and the like) that might make it easier to meet someone.
Good luck!
The gay bars there sound intense O.O haha i've never been anywhere like that! for me, they've always been basically dance clubs/ low key bars. with the exception of drag shows. i've seen quite a few and i love them
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I would look at reviews for gay bars before you go because they can be vastly different scenes and some may be closer to what you are looking for than others. Some in Portland are indistinguishable outside of a few rainbow flags (and of course who is holding hands with who), others have huge screens playing porn, awesomely over the top drag shows, S&M themes etc. You could always ask someone you talk to in a bar if there are other, lower key hang outs (coffee shops and the like) that might make it easier to meet someone.
Good luck!
The gay bars there sound intense O.O haha i've never been anywhere like that! for me, they've always been basically dance clubs/ low key bars. with the exception of drag shows. i've seen quite a few and i love them
LOL. That's portland for you. "Keep Portland Weird!" they say, and they do. Ever seen a guy in a kilt and a Darth Vader mask riding a unicycle and playing flaming bag pipes? How about a guy in a tutu shaking hands with a guy in a business suit? How about a homeless person with cat perched on their backpack in the rain looking high as a kite? How about several 70 year old drag queens strutting their stuff? How about a cart carrying several kegs of beer that is pedal powered? I have. All in Portland :-p.
My grandma walked into a gay bar without realizing, went to go order a beer before seeing full on BJs happening on 10ft screens around the room. She got out of their right fast :laugh: .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnVjkE87FDY
https://brewcycleportland.com/0 -
Another good idea is to go to PRIDE, or other LGBT friendly events, if ur not into bars. I mean if your near a metro the gay community might put out its own newspaper or magazine with a calendar in it. God knows if you go to Dinah Shore you will run into TONS of girls, I mean the finest of all kinds of lesbians...lol and ur close, if you live in NV it is pretty close to Cali/LA to party with some ladies. I mean in reality its as easy as finding men but you need to turn that gaydar UP. Watch The L Word if you need help with that. I would use Wing Ma'am and or Dattch for dating sites...not that OkCupid is horrible but it kind of is. These guys screen the bull-*kitten* out so all you get are real ladies, not people faking it or men trying to "fix you".
Thats how I do it.
*I met my current girl in college so this is how I make LGBT friends.0 -
Bumping to read later! And best of luck, OP!
I'm married, so I'm not looking for a relationship, but I'd like to not have a mental meltdown when I'm trying to flirt with a girl casually. It seems like my IQ drops 20 points and all my motor skills go out the window. All of this and I'm not even really sure they realize I'm trying to flirt with them, or even if they're into girls. /sigh
Lots of good advice here already!0 -
These are all such great answers lol. I could handle a low key gay bar not sure if i could handle Portland hahaha. And I have never heard of Wing Ma'am or any of those sites I will have to check them out
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Yo girl. We are EVERYWHERE. Here is your 5 step guide in finding a girl
1. Find LGBTQ friends - First thing first find some buds and get into the social circle. Everyone knows everyone. Ask anyone on here. They will help you with your gaydar. beep............beep...........beep.............BEEP BEEP BEEP
2. Go to events with your LGBTQ buds - Your new gay friends friends will undoubtedly invite you out to places. Gay bars, gay parties, social scenes, get togethers, exhibits, coffee shops. etc. etc. All the lady friends!!
3. CONFIDENCE - ACTUALLY THIS IS THE FIRST THING! Confidence is sexy no matter if you're butch or femme. Doesn't matter what you consider yourself on the spectrum. Positivity and confidence is attractive. This means either giving that girl the eye or going up and talking to someone.
4. Talk to EVERYONE - Talk to everyone and bring up your game. Doesn't matter if the girl is queer or not. It helps teach you small talk and it's enjoyable once you get the ball rolling. If they like you and they aren't gay chances are they have a gay friend. Also, if you see that girl in the bar and your HOT DAMN THAT GIRL IS SMOKING! Then make it a point to at least say hi. If you're awkward cute, confident, cheerful, and nice chances are they'll at least talk to you. Also, what's the worst they can say? No? Oh well made a new friend and move forward
5. It will happen when you least expect it - Chances are if you followed steps 1-4 you're set to go. You're out and about and confident in yourself. Now i'm not suggested the girl of dreams is at the bar. She's probably in the coffee shop, in the book store, at work, in the grocery store, at the thing you went to that one and time. You'll be going about your day and she'll be there and it'll be awesome.
I hope that helps. I'm not sure why i went on this rant but..............it was in my brain and now it's on the internet.0
