What I want to encourage here.. please read
julieworley376
Posts: 444 Member
I was reading through the introductions this morning and realized I am on the right track with this group to fulfill what I need and to help others.
In so many of the introductions is the common theme of the morbidly obese and why we are 'special' for want of a better word. The tendency is to gear ourselves up for the diet or eating and fitness program that will transcend all others. This will be THE ONE.. this will be the last time, we will emerge from this slim and fit. And as I have done so many times something hits us.. death of a family member.. crisis.. accident.. surgery.. you name it.. it throws our plans awry and weeks or months later we are attempting THE ONE again. I suspect most of us are perfectionists, we either stick with it or we don't. Or it is the guilt and disappointment with ourselves for slipping, the here we go again thing that trips us up.
I have seen so many other forums and places where people begin to get success and everyone is congratulating and I have done well myself and been basking in the positive attentions, but then I trip up and slink away and each time I feel ashamed and embarrassed.. this was me on Sparkpeople till I could stand it no more and deleted my entire account.
Here I want something different. Yes the positives and positive encouragement is great. But what I want here is people to admit when they slip up. I want to hear 'damn I ate that freaking donut'. 'I didn't mean to eat the birthday/retirement cake today but I did and once I had one piece I couldn't stop'. 'OMG I ate the entire cake/box of chocolates.' 'I only meant to treat myself to one cookie today and I ate 12!!!!'
This isn't about condoning or encouraging this behavior, it is about NOT judging it here so that we can try to discover why, why we do it, what mental state it gives us and where it came from, but most importantly that it is a part of THE ONE, that it might well be a part of the lifelong struggle. Because if it does not derail, if we take away the guilt and shame of that slip up, perhaps that slip up won't become another and another and 50 or 100lbs gained.
I hope this means something to all of you, that it is something you can appreciate and be committed to.
In so many of the introductions is the common theme of the morbidly obese and why we are 'special' for want of a better word. The tendency is to gear ourselves up for the diet or eating and fitness program that will transcend all others. This will be THE ONE.. this will be the last time, we will emerge from this slim and fit. And as I have done so many times something hits us.. death of a family member.. crisis.. accident.. surgery.. you name it.. it throws our plans awry and weeks or months later we are attempting THE ONE again. I suspect most of us are perfectionists, we either stick with it or we don't. Or it is the guilt and disappointment with ourselves for slipping, the here we go again thing that trips us up.
I have seen so many other forums and places where people begin to get success and everyone is congratulating and I have done well myself and been basking in the positive attentions, but then I trip up and slink away and each time I feel ashamed and embarrassed.. this was me on Sparkpeople till I could stand it no more and deleted my entire account.
Here I want something different. Yes the positives and positive encouragement is great. But what I want here is people to admit when they slip up. I want to hear 'damn I ate that freaking donut'. 'I didn't mean to eat the birthday/retirement cake today but I did and once I had one piece I couldn't stop'. 'OMG I ate the entire cake/box of chocolates.' 'I only meant to treat myself to one cookie today and I ate 12!!!!'
This isn't about condoning or encouraging this behavior, it is about NOT judging it here so that we can try to discover why, why we do it, what mental state it gives us and where it came from, but most importantly that it is a part of THE ONE, that it might well be a part of the lifelong struggle. Because if it does not derail, if we take away the guilt and shame of that slip up, perhaps that slip up won't become another and another and 50 or 100lbs gained.
I hope this means something to all of you, that it is something you can appreciate and be committed to.
0
Replies
-
That's so crazy you bring this subject up. Just yesterday I broke down and had a donut and then it went all down hill from there. I feel that once I slip uo once I continue to slip up the rest of the day. I have to reboot my brain and tell myself that if I slip up once just get right back on board and make better choices for myself. To me this is the hardest thing to do.0
-
That is sooooo true. I think one of the things we have to learn is how to forgive ourselves. We are not perfect. There will be times, days, even weeks when we don't eat the way we would like or when we don't exercise. Rather than getting mad at ourselves we need to learn how to put it behind us and face the next choice/decision as if the slip never occurred.
When I started MFP a goal to lose 150lbs seemed impossible. My mother, bless her heart, said it would happen when hell freezes over. Even at a steady 2lb per week loss the number of weeks was daunting. So I decided to focus on one day at a time. Make good food choices and exercise today. What happened yesterday cannot be undone, and I will worry about tomorrow when it arrives.
6 months later, I'm half way to goal and it still seems daunting. I'm emotionally exhausted because every day is a battle with myself. To be honest I think about food more now than I did before because I'm always planning my meals trying to stay under my calorie goal and within my macros. While I like how I feel after exercising, there are days I still have to force myself. I know the weight loss will slow down, so losing the rest of the weight will take longer. On the one hand success seems possible for the first time ever, on the other hand, I question whether I can stick with it.0 -
You are so right on with what you said and I for sure want a place to say "I hate the whole thing" - It does help. I know this week has been stressful and all I wanted to do was eat an ice cream or candy but I didn’t (one day I did and I wrote about) - and I am happy - I took steps to not go down hill. The worse thing we can do is judge or think the false belief that is we eat one donut we are failures. The thing with being food addicts is we have to fond a way to live our life’s with food as a constant - we HAVE to eat. Drug addicts dont have to take drugs to live and they dont have to be around it - alcoholics cant clean out all the alcohol...we cant clean out all food.
But here is what I do know - people, like us do and can get it under control - replacing false beliefs with truth - we are not "fat" people - we are people who eat and have learned a behavior due to something else. We are fabulous in our skin, we are NOT failures and we can succed. People who are successful didnt get there by walking a straight line to the top - it was filled with mistakes and road blocks and obstacles. Everyday - we do something good - so you ate a donut - but was there a time when you would have eaten 2?0 -
Oh, good post, and just what I needed to read today.
I had a" perfect" day yesterday until everyone else was in bed, then I sat alone and ate cold pizza and potato chips. This secret night eating is the primary reason I am obese, and what I am working on with my therapist. What changed from previous night binges is that I recorded everything I ate in MFP. That's a big step for me, moving toward accountability and honesty.0 -
KarenZen - I am so proud of you! - You recroded it and yes that is a HUGE step and has you work wih your therapist you will be bale to get to the heart of hte night eating. No one here is going to judge and he is without secrets let them judge one of us! I am so excited for you!!!!!!!!0
-
Thanks, CE! This morning, I also called the nutritionist for the bariatric program I'm working with (I am getting a gastric sleeve but need to lose 80? pounds pre-op), another first, to come up with a coping strategy. I have houseguests this week, an old college friend and her very spoiled, baby-talking 10 year old daughter, and by the end of the day, I was worn out, plus we'd gone to the gym and done aquasize and swum for over two hours.
I was starving, and the healthy dinner of a few scallops on a bed of greens didn't cut it.0 -
I think this will be so helpful to us all if we have somewhere that isn't "just" about the good days. That has happened to me also before on weight loss boards.I was on sparkpeople and weight loss buddies years ago. It seems like everyone is there for you, when you are perfect. When you slip up though, it just doesn't seem like that support is there for you; and honestly, that is when we need it the most. We NEED to know we aren't perfect, but we are still going to be ok, and that imperfection doesn't mean our journey to getting healthy and losing weight has to be over. Sometimes real life just sucks, and we get stressed or we get around family (guilty one here) and eat way more than we should or things we know we will regret later and beat ourselves up over it. It is ok though, because it isn't the end of the world and we CAN get through it. I do believe if we all feel comfortable and know that we will still be accepted and encouraged then we will have an easier time getting back on the bandwagon after a slip; rather than falling off and just staying there thinking it just isn't worth it.
I had a minor slip myself last night. I have a really difficult time sleeping because my body is screwy right now after my husband just stopped working second shifts. I was used to staying up with him so now I don't go to sleep until 1-2 am every night, and then after my son is off to school in the mornings I crash again for a few hours. The bad thing about that is that we eat dinner generally around 6 pm so come around midnight I am getting hungry. It is really hard for me to not eat something then because I was eating with him also alot of times when he got off of work and got home around then. Last night I went and was looking for something and ended up eating one piece of this granola snack stuff we have. That was a HUGE improvement because it was truly just one bite and that's it. I also accounted for it on my food for yesterday
Any other time I would have gotten like a plate of this stuff because it is awesome lol. It is also full of sugars and carbs which I am trying to cut back on. After the kids finish it off though, no more in the house. Thankfully they love fruits so after their few sugary treats are gone I will focus on just keeping the fruits in the house as snacks. 0 -
Karen, you logged it.. that's AWESOME! It does not derail everything. Maybe what you needed to do was have a better dinner. Add a baked potato perhaps? Or a serving of whole grain rice? Oven fries? Incidentally if you are not watching your salt intake salsa is terrific on baked potatoes instead of butter and I LOVE butter.
How about working in a late night snack? Finding some foods you enjoy that are healthy but fulfil that need for you. Also.. guys.. it is perfectly OK to eat an apple after the chips/donut/chocolate or whatever.. or salad.. or anything else good for us.0 -
Karen I meant to also congratulate you on logging your food. I have issues with that too so that is a HUGE step!! LOL I think in my head, if I don't see it on my log, then I didn't eat it :blushing: That is really one of the first steps I think we all need to take, and that is to be accountable to ourselves also and figure out how we can make it better the next time. 0
-
Well crap, I was looking at my food log from yesterday and realized I forgot to add on the broccoli I had for dinner last night and when I added it, it put me over my calories yesterday by 21 calories
. 0 -
But when you look at it in the scheme of things what is 21 calories? If it takes a 3,500 calories to put on 1lb.. and sometimes I would argue with the accuracy of that.. then 21 calories is NOT going to make a significant impact. Just don't do it again!! JOKING! :laugh:0
-
Thanks, CE! This morning, I also called the nutritionist for the bariatric program I'm working with (I am getting a gastric sleeve but need to lose 80? pounds pre-op), another first, to come up with a coping strategy. I have houseguests this week, an old college friend and her very spoiled, baby-talking 10 year old daughter, and by the end of the day, I was worn out, plus we'd gone to the gym and done aquasize and swum for over two hours.
I was starving, and the healthy dinner of a few scallops on a bed of greens didn't cut it.
From the amount of exercise you did, you probably didn't have enough calories to off-set your output. A snack of cut up avocado would help with that. Avocados have healthy fats but also help your tummy with that "full" feeling so you don' t feel hungry later. If you don't like avocados on their own, do like in Mexico, drizzle a few drops of lime juice and a tiny dash of salt.0 -
I have been having a lot of these moments lately. I was doing the C25K, and had made it to the week when you jog 20 minutes straight. Between that and healthy eating, I had lost 30 pounds. Then I had a miscarriage, followed by gall bladder surgery, and I lost it. Now I am having to start all over. But I am trying to start over while in the middle of a move!
I have been eating whatever I wanted, whenever. Fast food (especially burritos!), donuts (love cinnamon rolls), dr pepper, and candy candy candy. Damn Easter candy. Finally, this past weekend, I ate so much sugar that I gave myself a horrible headache, and wasn't recovered until Thursday. So, what did I do Thursday morning? Ate an 1100 calorie breakfast, with plenty of sugar.
I was so angry with myself, especially when I felt my bloated belly spilling over one of the last few pairs of pants that fit me, that I came to my senses and here I am. Again. For another try.0 -
And that's it, Kitty--keep coming back and learning and making progress!
My houseguests are gone, so I will pull out my laptop tomorrow and give the messages a proper read and response instead of struggling with this tiny phone! Hope everyone is doing well.0 -
You wanted to encourage, and you definitely did. :flowerforyou: Thank you
0 -
This is a great reminder. When I first logged on here, I would leave off foods from my log. Fries at the carnival, pizza after a movie where I ate popcorn, candy, and had a soda. And of course the next day I would be committed to starting over. That is such an awful cycle.0
-
This is a great reminder. When I first logged on here, I would leave off foods from my log. Fries at the carnival, pizza after a movie where I ate popcorn, candy, and had a soda. And of course the next day I would be committed to starting over. That is such an awful cycle.
Yes!!!
I have been very resistant to keeping a food journal for a long, long time. Now that I am, and am doing it honestly, the "shame" of my sometimes poor choices is so much less. It is what it is... I recorded it, I counted the calories, I move on.
I like that I can see patterns and mistakes that are easy to correct, too. For example, my husband constantly brings home chips like ruffles cheese and sour cream, and I'll eat them for no real reason , just grabbing an easy carby junk food. I never really looked at the calories, sodium, or fat grams. Once I did, it hit me like a slap. Wow! I just wasted 700 calories on a food with no nutritional value whatsoever??? That I didn't even enjoy? No way. Not again.0 -
I think this section is brilliant - like you've all said, so many people are all with you when you're doing well..then you slip, and sink and slink away - I can identify with that very much too, having deleted accounts elsewhere in the past.
I am really enjoying documenting all my food on here, and bizarre as it may sound I'm even enjoying being slightly hungry at times - I'd forgotten what real hunger, rather than mindless boredom eating, felt like. It's quite an empowering feeling.
I'm all for the encouragement! Thanks for starting this group :-)0 -
This secret night eating is the primary reason I am obese, and what I am working on with my therapist.
My goodness...I did the same thing over the weekend. I would have my regular meals, but for some reason, would still feel hungry at night, so I made myself a cup of tea and grabbed more food and went over my daily calories. Did I really need it? Was I really hungry? I could have stopped myself, but didn't. I ate it and I logged it and felt bad. I need to stop this and find a way to break this cycle.0 -
Claudie, at night try an Apple or a pear with a cube of cheddar cheese. It's the sweet that night eaters crave plus the fat to promote feelings of satiety. That snack has saved me from many night time fridge raids.0
-
Thank you all for your honest responses. I feel exactly the same way... that in life crap happens and the food we eat because of it is a vicious cycle. I have for the past few weeks begun using MFP again and I have been soo much more honest with myself and making sure that I am adding everything that I eat everyday... not just the healthy things. We all have bad days... weeks... or whatever. But the thing that stands out is that we are able to get back on that bandwagon and start again.
Thank you to all of you that post on here. I am unable to post often but I do when I can. I am so thankful to all of you for the encouragement and helping me to understand that I am not the only one going down this road of losing weight...a large amount of weight.
I havent weighed myself since I have been to the doctor 3 weeks ago but I am feeling better and better every day. When I review what I eat everyday on here... I honestly critique myself and say should I really have eaten that or what can I replace this with that is even just a little bit healthier? I do not shame myself anymore because I know that one day... ONE DAY... I WILL BE THAT FIT PERSON ON THE STREET.. that everyone is looking at. I dream of the day that this happens. I know that I have the mindset to do this!
We all can do this!!!!0 -
I appreciate this honesty and support so much. I have been so very lucky in finding some tough lovin', kick-my-butt when I need it, throw my own words back at me kind of friends on here! I have tried to do so with myself, and this morning, I'm really struggling. My biggest problem is weekend weight. Mostly retained water because I struggle so much more with my water on weekends, but since 2/19, I have always managed to shake it all by Friday's weigh in (on a challenge at work), but this week I had an added challenge and didn't even come near my 8 water bottle goal on any day, as far as I know.... It is so stupid, I'm kicking myself for the small gain I have had this week 1.4 pounds, when I'm down 15 (well, now 13.6) since we started the challenge, and around 80 overall, but I find it hard to feel good about the latter (long story). We all have triggers and issues, but the one thing I'm truly focused on is kicking guilt to the curb (trying to consciously own every decision, for better or worse). That, and my focus is health, not weight....trouble is I've been losing steadily since we started in February, and I'm just genuinely disappointed. SIGH. Oh well, I will be good to myself the rest of today, I will work to get in my 10,000 steps, and I will drink all the water I can stand, plus one more cup.... That is my goal. (hugs)0
-
Just watched this video, and it really speaks out to me. Before the playgrounds and streets would be filled with kids, running around and biking. Now they're all empty and the streets are quiet. Holidays like Halloween people say they see fewer kids as malls have stolen them away. Come trick or treat at the mall, it's warmer and "safer".
If you take a walk around your neighbourhood, how many are out and about? How many more are in their cars driving around? In some of our newer developments, they don't even build sidewalks anymore. They are already forcing us to stay indoors.
http://blog.petflow.com/this-is-a-video-everyone-needs-to-see-for-the-first-time-in-my-life-im-speechless/0 -
I am glad to be here, I too was on sparkpeople and would do great logging all my food other than they have a hard time with canadian products. I degress though I would slowly not log everything then I would have some health problem come up and wouldn't be able to exercise. I don't know how many posts I started with back again. I like the idea of being able to say I goofed and ate a pan of brownies or whatever, being a diabetic I can't cheat that much but I do cheat.0
-
Yes me too, joined lots of groups and clubs etc in past, do great then have a slip, then have a landslide and quietly disapear in to shadows never to be seen again.
I have bipolar disorder and my eating is also bipolar. No matter how hard i try for moderation it always ends up being super healthy or the worst kind of binge
A bad binge day for me looks like 20'000 plus calories and usually ends up being a bad binge week or several weeks at that level so I gain 20lb in 2 weeks and then hate myself and want to be dead. To be honest i dont know how i only reached 322lb. I should be loads more than that. I am not someone who is confused about how i got morbidly obese. I know exactly how I got here.
I got here because an example of a single bad binge day for me looks like the list below ( dont read if you are hungry)
3 x whole pizza
chips (fries) for 2 with cheese
whole cake
box of 6 donuts
2x slice of cheese cake
6 x packs of crisps (potato chips)
large bar of chocolate
whole tub of icecream
I feel so so ill when i eat like that but does it stop me repeating the next day. No. I go onlike that until I begin seriously contemplating suicide. Then I begin another miracle plan to become slim happy and gorgeouse.
Food addiction sucks
I still have hope though and i refuse to give up my quest for wellness.
nearly 3 weeks in to my latest Healthy eating routine and going very well so far which is an excelleny sign as two weeks is my usual slip up point where it all goes wrong. Not weakening yet so fingers crossed 0 -
Welcome Persis! It is nice to see your honesty about what you eat and how you got here. Are you getting counseling or a Dr.'s help as well? I applaud you for starting again and doing well, I just hope you have the support you need so you don't cycle out of control and feel despair. It is definitely not a lack of willpower or control.0
-
Yes i have had lots of counselling and therapy and been on and off meds. I have made a lot of progress with mental health issues and unresolved junk from past. I am now off all meds and have been for a year with doctors consent. I attend a support group for people with emotional issues. it is just a question of getting on with life, moving on from past and choosing to fight for a better future. I won't give up . I am doing well so far this time round so fingers crossed it continues. I feel positive I can maintain the plan i am on. It does not feel like the usual battle of will to cling on. I can see myself living with this plan long term. Thank you for your support 0
-
is this group still active? i sure hope so, because i could do with some support on this long journey0
-
Hi hasjejc,
We are still here, it's been a slow week and some of the member are off doing a 50 day challenge but their are plenty of people still here. Welcome, and we are happy to have someone else joining us on this long haul.0 -
Hi! We are active every day.. some days more than others.. please feel free to post any subject you want or plunge in to the daily thread.0
