Struggling
melissasue0317
Posts: 338 Member
I feel like I am struggling to get back into my healthy habits. We had vacation and then have had a very difficult time with my step-daughter *several mental/behavior issues*. Vacation plus massive stress binge eating has made me gain 6lbs in 2 weeks! I have lost 4 of those but fear I am on a downward spiral. A lot of self-loathing going on right now which only makes me want to eat more 
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Melissa you have lost FOUR of that 6lbs which is a fantastic achievement. That means you got up, dusted yourself off and got right back to eating sensibly.
One of the hardest things I have had to face is that there is no ON and OFF switch. You don't start eating healthy and never eat in a bad way again. I can't tell you how many days, weeks, months, years I have not solved this weight problem chiefly because once I have 'fallen off the wagon' as it were, I have ruined everything, feel bad about myself, so I continue eating badly until the next magical time I am able to make the vow that from this day forward I will eat perfectly healthy.
Guess what, it doesn't work.
You had a vacation, you enjoyed yourself, in the long term scheme of things it doesn't matter.. just keep putting one foot in front of the other and do not allow yourself to slip into the self loathing.
You can do this!0 -
Can't agree more with the advice already given just adding a *hug* for your difficult time. Drink tea or water when you feel the urge to eat something unplanned. Is there something you can do that makes you feel good, so you can lose yourself in a moment where there is no negativity no weight issues, no parenting problems? It can be something soley for you, like locking yourself away and reading a good book, go somewhere beautiful, like a local park or lake and just look around you. Or take the kids to the park and just listen to their laughter and let it heal you. Sometimes when I am feeling low I have to push everything away but one thing that gives me unconditional joy, which is my 5 year old son. So I let go for as long as I can and take in a moment of that joy. Whether it is a place that gives you that feeling of being connected or a person, maybe you need to find that even if it is just a 5 minute thing it might help pick you up again. Do not give up, you can do this.0
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I feel like I am struggling to get back into my healthy habits. We had vacation and then have had a very difficult time with my step-daughter *several mental/behavior issues*. Vacation plus massive stress binge eating has made me gain 6lbs in 2 weeks! I have lost 4 of those but fear I am on a downward spiral. A lot of self-loathing going on right now which only makes me want to eat more
What about the good days, when the stress can pass a little and you can enjoy life and yourself, how do you feel on those days. We can't let the difficult weeks define out life, thats what many of us have done and clearly it hasn't made any of us any better or happier. Those better times probably pail in comparison to the difficult weeks. Making bad choices for a week wont destroy you, it might be a setback but its not the rest of your life. If it means the journey takes a little longer then thats ok, because its nothing in comparison to throwing in the towel for the rest of your life. You can only take it one day, one meal at a time. Remind yourself as to whether something will make you happier or make things easier in the long run and trust your gut to know the right decision when emotions are rearing their head.0 -
Melissa I totally agree with everyone else. You HAVE accomplished something big by already losing four of the six pounds! That is great! We all have those times where we just feel terrible and that we are a failure. You aren't though, you are on here and keeping yourself accountable. You can do this!! I feel for you with your step-daughter. I am so there with you. I have a 17 yo step son that has alot of behavior issues also and is also ADHD but his dad doesn't want him on his meds ( which he was on a little over a year ago and it helped him in school and home) because he wants to join the military when he graduates next year so he is scared that if he is on them it will keep him from being able to join. So I just have to deal with the attitude and crap until then
. There are some days that I am so stressed out with dealing with him that I want to scream. I have to take a lot of deep breaths though and remember that I am doing this for ME and I need to be healthy and just try to muddle through it some days and do the best I can. You CAN do this though! If you need to vent on here anytime though, please do. That is what we are all on here for; to support each through the tough times and cheer each other on. 0 -
Thank you all for the words of encouragement! I really do appreciate it. We have had my 14 year old step-daughter full time since she was 8 with progressively worsening behavior even with counseling/school interventions (ADHD with OCD, lying, theft, food-hoarding, extreme immaturity). We have decided to allow her biological mother to try to parent her (lives across the country from us and usually just spends the summer with her.) So this is going to be hard on my husband. Hoping its the best decision but will know within 6 months I'm sure if her mom can truly step-up and be a mom.
Stress seems to have been my down-fall everytime. Small mess-ups that led to long term weight gain and negative attitude. I am hoping that when she moves in 3 weeks, it will relieve some of the burden even if ends up being temporary.0 -
Wow Melissa, you could have been talking about my step son!! Exactly the same thing!! We have caught him taking things and he will deny it flat out!! And don't get me started on the food-hoarding and immaturity! We had to start putting all open snacks in zip locks in our bedroom just to keep him out of them!! We unfortunately ARE his last hope, his mom dumped him on us a month after we were married because she didn't want to deal with him anymore. So we got him and his 12 page discipline report from school, and his parole officer for stealing. I am so thankful we only have one more year, and I feel like such a horrible person for even thinking like that, but to be honest, its been extremely hard and stressful for us dealing with him. Just know you are not alone, and hopefully once your Step daughter is gone you can pull the pieces together and not be so stressed.0
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As each of my step sons hit 18 they fell out with their mother and moved in with us. It was a living hell until the last one reached 22 and left. Not that I don't love them but it really was absolutely horrible for me to the point that when one of them wanted to come back (the worst one) my husband told me he would move out or his kid would move back in and I told him to go do what he had to do.. but there was no way I was having him back in my house. Thankfully that is all behind us.. I wish I had a much better relationship with the two youngest.. I have no family of my own here at all.. but it is what it is.0
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Forgot to say that was three of them 2 years apart in age.0
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I am relieved to know others have thought or dealt with the same things as me. I become instant mom to all of her issues when I just turned 25, my husband didn't realize how "bad" things had gotten with her biological mom until she was with us full time. I hate thinking that I resent her for a lot of stress and now worry about the safety of our 14 month old twins. She is not aggressive at all with them and truly is a great big sister, BUT her tantrums and lying can't be stopped it seems. I hope things go well with her mom but deep down I know she will be surrounded by ugly and "live off the government" type attitudes. While the gvmt can help with so much when people truly need it, it is such an easy way for others to abuse it. Plus, she is still a teenager and child in so many ways, I struggle with how I feel about it....I shouldn't resent her. BLAH!
Anyways, the next few weeks for me will be tough and I hope I can just re-start and continue the healthy journey.0 -
I am relieved to know others have thought or dealt with the same things as me. I become instant mom to all of her issues when I just turned 25, my husband didn't realize how "bad" things had gotten with her biological mom until she was with us full time. I hate thinking that I resent her for a lot of stress and now worry about the safety of our 14 month old twins. She is not aggressive at all with them and truly is a great big sister, BUT her tantrums and lying can't be stopped it seems. I hope things go well with her mom but deep down I know she will be surrounded by ugly and "live off the government" type attitudes. While the gvmt can help with so much when people truly need it, it is such an easy way for others to abuse it. Plus, she is still a teenager and child in so many ways, I struggle with how I feel about it....I shouldn't resent her. BLAH!
Anyways, the next few weeks for me will be tough and I hope I can just re-start and continue the healthy journey.0 -
It didn't select the quote I wanted it to or I just hit the wrong thing but anyways... don't talk about re-starting or hoping. You told us you had already lost 4lbs so you recovered from the detour.. you are already on this journey, there is nothing to restart and you are not hoping you are DOING.
Stay positive!0 -
I like this Julie, and what you said in the other thread. There is no re-start. The journey is ongoing, good, bad, pretty, ugly, loss, and gain, and loss.0
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Exactly what Julie said Melissa
You are already in this and already making progress! Just keep doing what you are doing and you are going to do great! 0 -
When I first started here and trying to adjust and learn et al.....some young guy who had the greatest 6 pack Id ever ever seen before or since told me something that it me hard and made such an impact that Ive never forgotten it.
All he said was:: "Just Dont Quit"
If you never quit you never have to start over.
Just stay the course and it'll happen0
