I've come to the conclusion....

farmers_daughter
farmers_daughter Posts: 1,633 Member
I'm too busy for a relationship right now. Well at least the kind of relationship that people think needs to happen.

It sucks to say that, becuase too many people write me off and say "you just don't want one, or you're not ready for one". Which when they say it they have a negative tone with it.

What I have room for right now is to be able to text during the week, with a before bed phone call about 3-4nights a week, and then every other weekend (after work) I'm free. I can do lunches, sometimes, and I'd definetly make time if I have the opportunity to meet up a little more, but really there's not alot of free "me" time lately.
It has nothing to do with "wanting"

I met a guy recently, he drives truck during the week but home every weekend. He likes to call, I can't. I can text during the day, and if we aren't getting to bed at like 1030, sure I can talk. I asked him if I could have time this Saturday with him, but I've already got the feeling he thinks I don't care to do anything except text him. So he said maybe.

Ugh. And I definetly want to hang on to him because HE IS THE FIRST guy to not want sex on the first date. Seriously I'm not losing his number until he tells me to. That *kitten* is rare. I want to take a litte more time to get to know him.

I just wish so many people would quit making this a "race". It's so hard to find someone on the same page as you, on the same level.

Replies

  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
    I should introduce you to the guy I'm sorta kinda not really seeing! Lol. In the month that I've known him I've seen him TWICE!! Not because I don't want too but because he doesn't have the time. He sometimes texts and calls on occasion (twice). And we haven't even kissed yet - just a couple short hugs. I don't mind taking things slow but I'm starting to think he's not really into me. But when we talk and we're together he seems totally into me. Sooooo confusing!

    Edited for grammar. ;)
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,633 Member
    :flowerforyou: Exactly Bethany! that I'm "sorta kinda not really seeing" !!!!! The bad thing is, that if I were really into a guy and they were doing that to me, Lord I'd assume he wasn't into me and move on.

    Such a horrid place to be right now.

    Now if I did meet a guy that wasn't on the road all week and did have the opportunity to do lunches or whatever little time we could spend together, I'd totally take advantage of the opportunity! I think those are the things that I can do to show I'm interested. But since I can't do that with this guy it just makes it a little more difficult to "show" that I'm interested.

    Anybody can talk to anybody when they are bored. But oy. And the older I get the more I completely despise that I am indeed addicted to texting. It's much less demanding than having to dedicate my undivided time between a person on the phone and baths, or the stove or washing machine. Ugh.
    (I secretly blame a girlfriend of mine....seriously the only time we talk is at work when we see eachother, otherwise it's completly texting, and we know exactly what eachother looks like when we are doing it)
    I do the same thing, when I'm finally around someone I'm probably annoying becasue I have all this pent up excitement to see the person!
  • disneywm76
    disneywm76 Posts: 573 Member
    Crystal, get out of my head!!!! Lol. Seriously though, I could've written your post. I have one night off from the kids every week, but take a class during the school year. Other than that, I have one weekday evening every other week and every other weekend free. I tend to think that most men are not going to want to wait two weeks in between seeing each other unless we can figure out a lunch meet to throw in there too. I totally feel your pain, because I would like to date someone but am finding that I just don't have the time. :(
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,633 Member
    :flowerforyou: Disney... I'd totally spend my free time with you!!!

    Oy....
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,011 Member
    If the person was right could you not get babysitters?? I've done a lot of dating and some I would work around things (ie get a sitter, ask a friend) and some I would not. I am also a single mom who rarely gets time off as their dad drives truck and doesn't even live here but I figure it out because I want to date.
  • disneywm76
    disneywm76 Posts: 573 Member
    Kim, that's a good point. I do have one sitter that my kids love, but she's rather far away unfortunately. So I use her occassionally. I do need to find a more local sitter if I'm really serious about wanting to date....thanks for pointing that out!! :flowerforyou:
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,633 Member
    When it comes to sitters, I need to shake that "She's shoving her kids off on the weekend she has them to go see "some" boy???" Then they go off and run thier mouth to my ex husband about it.
    I know it sounds lame, and it is an excuse, but I like to keep as many body parts out of the drama bowl as I can. Jesus that family is friggin nosy.

    I sometimes feel like I have too many eyeballs watching me and I really don't care to go to jail for punching them all in the throat.

    I do need to find a "non-friend" "non-ex family member", willing to do weekends or evenings baby sitter tho. So many judgements are passed. It spoils all the fun. Ugh.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,011 Member
    When it comes to sitters, I need to shake that "She's shoving her kids off on the weekend she has them to go see "some" boy???" Then they go off and run thier mouth to my ex husband about it.
    I know it sounds lame, and it is an excuse, but I like to keep as many body parts out of the drama bowl as I can. Jesus that family is friggin nosy.

    I sometimes feel like I have too many eyeballs watching me and I really don't care to go to jail for punching them all in the throat.

    I do need to find a "non-friend" "non-ex family member", willing to do weekends or evenings baby sitter tho. So many judgements are passed. It spoils all the fun. Ugh.

    You do need to get over the part of feeling like you are shoving off your kids. You are NOT shoving them off, you are also allowing yourself some time to have a life, to unwind, and relax. And that doesn't just happen when you are kid free, it happens when you need/want it too.

    I get all the ex drama, I do. Thankfully I don't have a lot of it, but I get it.

    Your kids don't have to know you are going out on a date whatsoever. Say you are going to see a friend, going to a reading club or whatever you wish to tell them. My kids never knew, I just said I was going out.

    Live your life and don't give a crap about those 'eye ball watchers' they can stuff it LOL!!!!

    Don't hold your life back over that... easier said than done I know.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    When it comes to sitters, I need to shake that "She's shoving her kids off on the weekend she has them to go see "some" boy???" Then they go off and run thier mouth to my ex husband about it.

    One thing that makes this easier is if the kids don't see it as them being dumped on a sitter but, rather, as them having a good time. A couple years ago, I brought my son to a youth center activity and was surprised to hear "go away...we'll take care of him...see you in 4 hours." Up to that point, all the "activities" he did were things where I needed to be present. After that I looked for other opportunities (such as parents night out at the local gymnastics center) where my son thought I was just taking him to something "for him" and used that as an opportunity for a date. Two years ago I went on a huge dating spree on very rarely did my son know I was going out because I rarely used his "sitter."
  • jkandktmom
    jkandktmom Posts: 1,010 Member
    I have a differnt issue but it leads to the same conclusion... I have recently been evicted from my home- by my mother :grumble: - and have been unable to find an affordable, decent place to live. So, I'm moving in with my ex bf. How does one explain that to potential dates?!?!:noway:
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,633 Member
    Oh yes, It would be wonderful if the Y or somewhere around here had stuff like that where it was a "fun event" wink wink for the kids to go to while I attended my own "fun event" lol

    JK - Oh no :flowerforyou: I have no answers for that, except I'd not make it a situaton that I had to be in very long. Since I moved away from home 13 years ago, I've not been around any of my family, they are 250 miles away. I've always been kind of bitter about it, but it's made me have the mentality of I depend on no-one. Not even my bestest of bestest friends.

    I've lived in the trailerhood and I've shoved my kids off on many people in order to feed them, but I'd have an extremely hard time staying in a situation where I felt I had no control. I know I probably sound like an *kitten*, and I don't mean to, but I'd put every other aspect of my life on hold until I got the hati-buckets out of there.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,444 Member
    I have a differnt issue but it leads to the same conclusion... I have recently been evicted from my home- by my mother :grumble: - and have been unable to find an affordable, decent place to live. So, I'm moving in with my ex bf. How does one explain that to potential dates?!?!:noway:

    :noway: I'm sorry to hear that JK. Although you never know if it will lead to better things..........I'd have a problem with a b/f living with an ex, and I'm guessing your ex will have a problem with you bringing a guy home? Definitely not ideal, but I wish you all the best :flowerforyou:
  • jkandktmom
    jkandktmom Posts: 1,010 Member
    I have a differnt issue but it leads to the same conclusion... I have recently been evicted from my home- by my mother :grumble: - and have been unable to find an affordable, decent place to live. So, I'm moving in with my ex bf. How does one explain that to potential dates?!?!:noway:

    :noway: I'm sorry to hear that JK. Although you never know if it will lead to better things..........I'd have a problem with a b/f living with an ex, and I'm guessing your ex will have a problem with you bringing a guy home? Definitely not ideal, but I wish you all the best :flowerforyou:

    Thanks FD and Anna- it's a messed up situation but very temporary. I think a break from dating for the summer sounds refreshing!
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,633 Member
    True that! Im kind of taking a break from it all.... just focus on me. And all the time I don't have!!! LOL.

    I actually had my trainer at the gym (well kind of a shared trainer, it's her gym...but still) "punish" me for not being there 5 days a week. Needless to say I was a little ticked and I even went to get a mani/pedi to cool myself off a bit today. :)
    I'm sorry I have kids, and I'm sorry I'm the only one at home doing IT ALL! Dishes, to raking the 500lbs of rock out of the yard before I mow this summer. I've got to have a balance of me and the world.

    It just really rubbed me the wrong way. Very wrong way. Ugh.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,011 Member
    True that! Im kind of taking a break from it all.... just focus on me. And all the time I don't have!!! LOL.

    I actually had my trainer at the gym (well kind of a shared trainer, it's her gym...but still) "punish" me for not being there 5 days a week. Needless to say I was a little ticked and I even went to get a mani/pedi to cool myself off a bit today. :)
    I'm sorry I have kids, and I'm sorry I'm the only one at home doing IT ALL! Dishes, to raking the 500lbs of rock out of the yard before I mow this summer. I've got to have a balance of me and the world.

    It just really rubbed me the wrong way. Very wrong way. Ugh.

    Exactly why I took stress leave at work... I can't do it all there and keep taking more and more.. then get s*** on for not being perfect, when the other half that I work with does sweet *** all... Then I bring it home, where it can be stressful with kids, and I just couldn't take it anymore! You dealt better than me, but the work issue has been festering for well over a year.
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,633 Member
    I want stress leave!!! What's that???? I know I could take vacation, but I want to watch that because if I find another job I don't want to have to pay it back. I'm taking it as I actually earn it.

    Yes, I hate that I bring stress home. Ugh. I'll secretly plank the crap out of her tonight maybe. Me with my fiersome 30 second plank. LOL.
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
    I should introduce you to the guy I'm sorta kinda not really seeing! Lol. In the month that I've known him I've seen him TWICE!! Not because I don't want too but because he doesn't have the time. He sometimes texts and calls on occasion (twice). And we haven't even kissed yet - just a couple short hugs. I don't mind taking things slow but I'm starting to think he's not really into me. But when we talk and we're together he seems totally into me. Sooooo confusing!

    Edited for grammar. ;)

    remember this story/guy???

    well... he still 'sometimes' contacts me. prob once a week - occasionally more. we've seen each other a total of four times now (since March 24th). each time he acts like he really likes me and seems to like me more and more and I like him more and more. but still is moving at a glacial pace! :huh: still just hugs. but I've decided to also see other guys. not gonna wait for his *kitten* to step it up! lol! And... as the other post is talking about, I'm NOT gonna chase him! LOL but the last time we went out (this past Sunday) was because I asked him if he was available to go out... well, to be fair, it was the first time I asked him, the other times he asked me. I also paid this time whereas the other times he paid.

    so, what do you think? is this guy just taking it very slow like trying to build a friendship first? I would think if he's not really interested, he wouldn't be contacting me anymore?
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,011 Member
    I should introduce you to the guy I'm sorta kinda not really seeing! Lol. In the month that I've known him I've seen him TWICE!! Not because I don't want too but because he doesn't have the time. He sometimes texts and calls on occasion (twice). And we haven't even kissed yet - just a couple short hugs. I don't mind taking things slow but I'm starting to think he's not really into me. But when we talk and we're together he seems totally into me. Sooooo confusing!

    Edited for grammar. ;)

    remember this story/guy???

    well... he still 'sometimes' contacts me. prob once a week - occasionally more. we've seen each other a total of four times now (since March 24th). each time he acts like he really likes me and seems to like me more and more and I like him more and more. but still is moving at a glacial pace! :huh: still just hugs. but I've decided to also see other guys. not gonna wait for his *kitten* to step it up! lol! And... as the other post is talking about, I'm NOT gonna chase him! LOL but the last time we went out (this past Sunday) was because I asked him if he was available to go out... well, to be fair, it was the first time I asked him, the other times he asked me. I also paid this time whereas the other times he paid.

    so, what do you think? is this guy just taking it very slow like trying to build a friendship first? I would think if he's not really interested, he wouldn't be contacting me anymore?

    4 dates since March sounds like it's more than just the average busy... busy or not you can get out more than 4 times in 2.5 months. IMO.. Sounds like he is probably playing the field also, which he has every right now -- so case in point not to throw all your eggs in one basket either.
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    I should introduce you to the guy I'm sorta kinda not really seeing! Lol. In the month that I've known him I've seen him TWICE!! Not because I don't want too but because he doesn't have the time. He sometimes texts and calls on occasion (twice). And we haven't even kissed yet - just a couple short hugs. I don't mind taking things slow but I'm starting to think he's not really into me. But when we talk and we're together he seems totally into me. Sooooo confusing!

    Edited for grammar. ;)

    remember this story/guy???

    well... he still 'sometimes' contacts me. prob once a week - occasionally more. we've seen each other a total of four times now (since March 24th). each time he acts like he really likes me and seems to like me more and more and I like him more and more. but still is moving at a glacial pace! :huh: still just hugs. but I've decided to also see other guys. not gonna wait for his *kitten* to step it up! lol! And... as the other post is talking about, I'm NOT gonna chase him! LOL but the last time we went out (this past Sunday) was because I asked him if he was available to go out... well, to be fair, it was the first time I asked him, the other times he asked me. I also paid this time whereas the other times he paid.

    so, what do you think? is this guy just taking it very slow like trying to build a friendship first? I would think if he's not really interested, he wouldn't be contacting me anymore?

    It seems to me that he's keeping his options open in case something "better" comes along, which is pathetic. I'd drop him and pursue other men who aren't so wishy-washy. <3 Good luck!