So far I've escaped doing the classic "fall over while stopped because you unclipped the wrong pedal", but I am pretty infamous in my riding group for dismounting on the wrong side (ie, downhill) and going *kitten*-over-teakettle down cliffs and embankments.

Fortunately my falls have been cushioned by the blackberry vines and nettles that grow everywhere around here...

My first ride out when I started riding with clipless. I did the classic forgot to unclip, came to a stop and the next thing I knew I was lying on my side. I laughed my *kitten* off at myself for the stupidity. Problem was it took me a number of times to realise that if I didn't want to be lying on the road I need to unclip sooner. ????????

Last crash was a couple of years ago - mixture of impatience and incompetence.

Was riding down a narrow road that had a tailback of cars waiting to go through a width restriction, decided to use the deserted pavement to avoid the queue. Just had to hop up a tiny kerb. Mis-timed my hop and hit the kerb at too shallow an angle - front wheel snapped to the side and I launched over the handlebars at a decent speed.

As I used to race motorbikes for many years I instinctively switched to crash mode - talking yourself through it to minimise the damage.
"Don't stick out your hand, roll with the impact, don't stick out your hand, roll with the impact......"

Landed like a sack of s**t.
Took a big chunk out of my glove where I stuck out my hand, displaced my collarbone from not rolling with the impact.

Guess I'm out of practice at crashing.

First time ever on a ten speed (yes, it was the 80s) with hand brakes not a coaster brake and I'm flying down the block outside my house. Yeah, not realizing how hand brakes work until AFTER you've ran into the telephone pole is equal parts emotionally and physically painful. But I learned.

Funniest one comes from a friend's point of view "one moment you were there, the next you were gone" On a "V" shaped gully, misjudged the pull up to bring the bike up, endo'd and was laying there laughing as he rolled up freaking out that I had doen something truly stupid.

For the gentleman out there I will leave out my encounter with the stem of MTB thanks to a hidden pothole...you should not have bruising in that particular area. Luckily it was a few inches to the right from near-catastrophic damage.

The first time I clipped-in on my MTB, I went out to a local trail that was nice and easy. I rode for over an hour and had no issues with the new shoes or pedals. I loved it. Until I rolled into the parking lot where at least 2 dozen other riders were standing. I stopped and tried to dismount and fell right over. No one would have really noticed if I hadn't yelled "FFFFF************KKKKKK" as I went down. Everyone turned and watched me bounce off the gravel. Good times!

I was in a cross race a couple years ago and flatted towards the end of a lap. I grabbed the rear wheel off my buddy's bike and took off, but in the hustle we didn't adjust the gears at all. The start of the next lap I went to hop the curb onto the grass and the chain fell off, causing me to mistime the hop and yardsale into a group of customers watching the race. It took quite some time to live that one down.

Hah...after you got up, I hope you said, "I meant to do that!"

Funny...

Well, I suppose the funniest (for people watching at least) was maybe 23 years or more ago - back when I was a keen time-trialist. The event was the "other" (i.e. not my local club, but our deadly (in a wildly competitive but non-violent way) rival) local club's "open-25" event, run on quite a tough hilly out and back course, which finished with a pretty serious uphill kick.

Now, I was really "on it" that day - this is just in the era of skinsuits, but before the tadpole helmets and tri-bars. I'd decided to go with my "funny bike" - the 700c Campag Disc and 7 speed 13-19 freewheel (yes FREEWHEEL!) and a 650c Shamal on the front - Cowhorns (and those novelty "tri-bars") 18c section Tubs running something stupid like 195psi... This was very nearly state of the art kit at the time.

Well - I went out there and absolutely mullered it. Passed my minute man before the turn in the road, my 2 minute man soon after and the 3 minute man with maybe a mile to go. All out for the last push - the HRM was beeping at me, I was right on my redline, and as I came up the final 200 yards of uphill I could feel the "tunnel vision" coming on. Crossed the line, shouted my number with the last bit of breath I could muster, and stopped pedalling.

Now, this road not only went uphill, but it was a rural road, with no hard kerb, and not a great deal of footpath to the side of it. As you may guess from my Nickname on here, I'm not exactly petite - even at that time I was nearer 185lb than you'd expect for a biker. Unfortunately, the "catcher" who'd been detailed to stop me falling off was around 5ft tall, and maybe 130lb dripping wet. I came to a stop, basically passed out on the bike, feet still double strapped into the clips. Fortunately I toppled to my left away from the road. Unfortunately the catcher wasn't man enough for the job of holding me upright, his feet slid from under him, and he fell into the ditch 6 feet down at the side of the footpath. Closely followed by a large and unconscious me, still strapped to the bike. Right on top of him. I'm happy to say I had a soft landing, and the bike didn't have a mark on it. It did however take about 8 people to get me out of there, and the Catcher ended up with 3 broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder from me landing like a sack of spuds on him from a great height.