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Other people are the worst, or maybe it's just me

Michelletbrown
Michelletbrown Posts: 6
in Social Groups
I used to imagine that I was really great at compromise, and then I fell in love with a man who has an entirely different relationship with food than I do. If I'm hungry, I'll take 30-60 min to cook something tasty and interesting (lately that's been a ton of roasted veggies with bacon). If he's hungry (and I don't have food immediately ready to go), he wanders in the kitchen, finds crackers, and eventually wanders to fast food. I made the mistake of asking him if he'd like to try this bacon, egg, veggie scramble instead of the typical eggs, bacon, toast, and I wanted to shake him when he said no, "But it's clearly so much more delicious!!" I wanted to holler. Also, I've realize that when I'm eating what I really want, things look very Paleo, which is not at all what he's about.

All of this rantiness is just a long way to say, how the heck am I supposed to eat what's right for me while also sharing meals and a home with someone who doesn't like what's right for me? Especially since I really love him and hate when he eats crappy food.

To be honest, I don't think I need advice, just commiseration. Any of you have stories of trying to blend foodways with mates, kin, and friends?

Replies

  • new_boots
    new_boots Posts: 10 Member
    My bf works all the time, so he's never around to care what I make. Plus, I inherited my mother's attitude of "if I cook it, you eat it, or you go hungry & I don't care what happens to you."
  • bah_bug
    bah_bug Posts: 32 Member
    My husband has a LOT of food issues, thanks to his mother, mostly. I have fewer, except I'm vegetarian and he's not, really, though he doesn't mind eating that way.

    It's taken some time, but we've gotten to a pretty good place of "this is what I'm making. It's okay if you don't want any, but you're on your own, and you DO have to eat."

    We still have a ways to go. He needs to learn to cook, among other things. I cook, but I struggle with depression a lot of the time, and he is totally grossed out by dishes, so all too often our 'compromise' is take out.
  • bunsen_honeydew
    bunsen_honeydew Posts: 230 Member
    he is totally grossed out by dishes

    and this is an adult?!

    He needs to 'man up' and just get on with the darned dishes!!

    Wear gloves!
  • bah_bug
    bah_bug Posts: 32 Member
    he is totally grossed out by dishes

    and this is an adult?!

    He needs to 'man up' and just get on with the darned dishes!!

    Wear gloves!

    Because making someone do something that makes them gag repeatedly until they vomit is totally part of compromise?

    Look, I get what you're trying to say, but please understand that A) you don't have the whole story, and B) your commentary on my marriage and my husband is not okay.
  • dolphinie13
    dolphinie13 Posts: 50 Member
    Hey, I understand that you were offended by the commentary. But please understand that this is an open forum. A person is only able to comment on any details of your marriage if you offer up those details in the first place. Everyone comes from a different background, and therefore an understandably different worldview.

    I don't understand people who post things about their lives and then get upset with others who comment (either positively or negatively) about said post. An open forum is not a private place, and one can never control another.
  • bah_bug
    bah_bug Posts: 32 Member
    Which is why I said what I said in the way that I said it - clarifying the item, and being straightforward about it.

    My intention is not to control, but if I am upset by something, I'm not going to sit behind my keyboard and be bu**hurt about it. I point it out, and why I didn't like it. I'm not expecting apology or backtracking, I am expecting people to be considerate in what they say.

    Especially since this was a thread regarding personal venting, in a group that I would hope is meant to be communal and non-judgmental, I don't think my reaction was at all out of place.
  • glwerth
    glwerth Posts: 335 Member
    My husband has a LOT of food issues, thanks to his mother, mostly. I have fewer, except I'm vegetarian and he's not, really, though he doesn't mind eating that way.

    It's taken some time, but we've gotten to a pretty good place of "this is what I'm making. It's okay if you don't want any, but you're on your own, and you DO have to eat."

    We still have a ways to go. He needs to learn to cook, among other things. I cook, but I struggle with depression a lot of the time, and he is totally grossed out by dishes, so all too often our 'compromise' is take out.

    You can probably help him get past the dishes thing, but getting him used to rinsing them as soon as eating is done. Then, all the big, grody pieces are off and it's just a dish that needs a once-over in the soapy water. It's a process!

    Good that he's getting better about the food.

    Good luck. My DH will eat anything...and I do mean anything.

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