We are pleased to announce that on March 4, 2025, an updated Rich Text Editor will be introduced in the MyFitnessPal Community. To learn more about the upcoming changes, please click here. We look forward to sharing this new feature with you!
overeating and vulnerability
fuzznewtons
Posts: 4
Hey everyone-
So I have a question. Before I ask the question, a little bit about myself-I am a 31 yo stay-at-home mom who has struggled with weight issues my entire life. I come from a long line of binge eaters, including mom, dad, aunt, grandma, MIL...probably more but I don't have time to add them! Anyway, 3 years ago I got serious about losing weight and getting away from binging. I lost 65+ pounds and felt and looked great! However, my marriage nearly fell apart during that time. I thought it was just from the changes going on, having small children, etc. Well, we worked on our marriage, things seemed better, then I got very sick and ended up quitting my job and applying for disability. I have been a stay-at-home mom since last year, and money has been tight but things seemed to be fairly stable with our relationship.
The problem is that, now that my health is stabilizing, I am starting a work-from-home business, not binging(1 week so far),and I am becoming more social, our marriage is starting to come apart again. This time I am seeing how my husband puts me down whenever he is upset about something, instead of just telling me what is bothering him he will nitpick and tell me what a bad wife I am, that I keep the house a pigsty(not true), that I should be more organized....when I tell him that he is not allowed to speak to me like that, he will tell me, just leave and don't come back. Today was bad-he lost it in front of our kids in the car, told us it was our fault he was so unhappy, and that I shouldn't have kept my mouth shut. It hurts my heart to realize how verbally abusive he has become, and how this is going to shape my children's relationships in the future. I want to work it out, but I don't want to be a verbal punching bag.
Here is where the question part comes in-when he gets this way, I want so badly to binge and stuff my feelings down with food. But I am realizing it is because I feel so vulnerable, among other things, when I am put down. The weight I have been carrying is like a buffer between me and the negative things going on in my life. And I hate that! How can I deal with this in a way that protects me and my children, but gets my point across? I hate feeling vulnerable, and it is hard to stand up for myself, but I am doing it and feeling like it is falling on deaf ears. I feel like he chooses to act this way because his own self esteem is shot, and putting me down makes him feel better. He is not a binge eater, just an angry person. Any suggestions on how to help myself feel less vulnerable, without resorting to food?
So I have a question. Before I ask the question, a little bit about myself-I am a 31 yo stay-at-home mom who has struggled with weight issues my entire life. I come from a long line of binge eaters, including mom, dad, aunt, grandma, MIL...probably more but I don't have time to add them! Anyway, 3 years ago I got serious about losing weight and getting away from binging. I lost 65+ pounds and felt and looked great! However, my marriage nearly fell apart during that time. I thought it was just from the changes going on, having small children, etc. Well, we worked on our marriage, things seemed better, then I got very sick and ended up quitting my job and applying for disability. I have been a stay-at-home mom since last year, and money has been tight but things seemed to be fairly stable with our relationship.
The problem is that, now that my health is stabilizing, I am starting a work-from-home business, not binging(1 week so far),and I am becoming more social, our marriage is starting to come apart again. This time I am seeing how my husband puts me down whenever he is upset about something, instead of just telling me what is bothering him he will nitpick and tell me what a bad wife I am, that I keep the house a pigsty(not true), that I should be more organized....when I tell him that he is not allowed to speak to me like that, he will tell me, just leave and don't come back. Today was bad-he lost it in front of our kids in the car, told us it was our fault he was so unhappy, and that I shouldn't have kept my mouth shut. It hurts my heart to realize how verbally abusive he has become, and how this is going to shape my children's relationships in the future. I want to work it out, but I don't want to be a verbal punching bag.
Here is where the question part comes in-when he gets this way, I want so badly to binge and stuff my feelings down with food. But I am realizing it is because I feel so vulnerable, among other things, when I am put down. The weight I have been carrying is like a buffer between me and the negative things going on in my life. And I hate that! How can I deal with this in a way that protects me and my children, but gets my point across? I hate feeling vulnerable, and it is hard to stand up for myself, but I am doing it and feeling like it is falling on deaf ears. I feel like he chooses to act this way because his own self esteem is shot, and putting me down makes him feel better. He is not a binge eater, just an angry person. Any suggestions on how to help myself feel less vulnerable, without resorting to food?
0
Replies
-
Writing about your feelings is a wonderful first step! Positive thoughts to you0
-
Thank you for sharing so openly. When I feel vulnerable and want to binge I do some journaling and some times that helps. I just write out everything that is on my mind without judging it. Sometimes when I feel I am not being heard by someone I write them a letter that is just for me to see. I don't have to worry about how my tone sounds, I just put it all on paper. Then I read it out loud to myself pretending I am talking to the person. I read it with emotion. It usually makes me feel empowered. Sometimes it leads to the opening of a real conversation I can have. I still struggle with binge eating but I know that the best way to support myself with my eating is to do the best I can to be around kind people as much as I can. Thats what we all deserve.0
-
Thank you, Newbutterfly, that is an excellent idea. It would be better than trying to get into an argument where I feel unprepared.0
This discussion has been closed.