overeating and vulnerability
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fuzznewtons
Posts: 4
Hey everyone-
So I have a question. Before I ask the question, a little bit about myself-I am a 31 yo stay-at-home mom who has struggled with weight issues my entire life. I come from a long line of binge eaters, including mom, dad, aunt, grandma, MIL...probably more but I don't have time to add them! Anyway, 3 years ago I got serious about losing weight and getting away from binging. I lost 65+ pounds and felt and looked great! However, my marriage nearly fell apart during that time. I thought it was just from the changes going on, having small children, etc. Well, we worked on our marriage, things seemed better, then I got very sick and ended up quitting my job and applying for disability. I have been a stay-at-home mom since last year, and money has been tight but things seemed to be fairly stable with our relationship.
The problem is that, now that my health is stabilizing, I am starting a work-from-home business, not binging(1 week so far),and I am becoming more social, our marriage is starting to come apart again. This time I am seeing how my husband puts me down whenever he is upset about something, instead of just telling me what is bothering him he will nitpick and tell me what a bad wife I am, that I keep the house a pigsty(not true), that I should be more organized....when I tell him that he is not allowed to speak to me like that, he will tell me, just leave and don't come back. Today was bad-he lost it in front of our kids in the car, told us it was our fault he was so unhappy, and that I shouldn't have kept my mouth shut. It hurts my heart to realize how verbally abusive he has become, and how this is going to shape my children's relationships in the future. I want to work it out, but I don't want to be a verbal punching bag.
Here is where the question part comes in-when he gets this way, I want so badly to binge and stuff my feelings down with food. But I am realizing it is because I feel so vulnerable, among other things, when I am put down. The weight I have been carrying is like a buffer between me and the negative things going on in my life. And I hate that! How can I deal with this in a way that protects me and my children, but gets my point across? I hate feeling vulnerable, and it is hard to stand up for myself, but I am doing it and feeling like it is falling on deaf ears. I feel like he chooses to act this way because his own self esteem is shot, and putting me down makes him feel better. He is not a binge eater, just an angry person. Any suggestions on how to help myself feel less vulnerable, without resorting to food?
So I have a question. Before I ask the question, a little bit about myself-I am a 31 yo stay-at-home mom who has struggled with weight issues my entire life. I come from a long line of binge eaters, including mom, dad, aunt, grandma, MIL...probably more but I don't have time to add them! Anyway, 3 years ago I got serious about losing weight and getting away from binging. I lost 65+ pounds and felt and looked great! However, my marriage nearly fell apart during that time. I thought it was just from the changes going on, having small children, etc. Well, we worked on our marriage, things seemed better, then I got very sick and ended up quitting my job and applying for disability. I have been a stay-at-home mom since last year, and money has been tight but things seemed to be fairly stable with our relationship.
The problem is that, now that my health is stabilizing, I am starting a work-from-home business, not binging(1 week so far),and I am becoming more social, our marriage is starting to come apart again. This time I am seeing how my husband puts me down whenever he is upset about something, instead of just telling me what is bothering him he will nitpick and tell me what a bad wife I am, that I keep the house a pigsty(not true), that I should be more organized....when I tell him that he is not allowed to speak to me like that, he will tell me, just leave and don't come back. Today was bad-he lost it in front of our kids in the car, told us it was our fault he was so unhappy, and that I shouldn't have kept my mouth shut. It hurts my heart to realize how verbally abusive he has become, and how this is going to shape my children's relationships in the future. I want to work it out, but I don't want to be a verbal punching bag.
Here is where the question part comes in-when he gets this way, I want so badly to binge and stuff my feelings down with food. But I am realizing it is because I feel so vulnerable, among other things, when I am put down. The weight I have been carrying is like a buffer between me and the negative things going on in my life. And I hate that! How can I deal with this in a way that protects me and my children, but gets my point across? I hate feeling vulnerable, and it is hard to stand up for myself, but I am doing it and feeling like it is falling on deaf ears. I feel like he chooses to act this way because his own self esteem is shot, and putting me down makes him feel better. He is not a binge eater, just an angry person. Any suggestions on how to help myself feel less vulnerable, without resorting to food?
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Replies
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Writing about your feelings is a wonderful first step! Positive thoughts to you0
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Thank you for sharing so openly. When I feel vulnerable and want to binge I do some journaling and some times that helps. I just write out everything that is on my mind without judging it. Sometimes when I feel I am not being heard by someone I write them a letter that is just for me to see. I don't have to worry about how my tone sounds, I just put it all on paper. Then I read it out loud to myself pretending I am talking to the person. I read it with emotion. It usually makes me feel empowered. Sometimes it leads to the opening of a real conversation I can have. I still struggle with binge eating but I know that the best way to support myself with my eating is to do the best I can to be around kind people as much as I can. Thats what we all deserve.0
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Thank you, Newbutterfly, that is an excellent idea. It would be better than trying to get into an argument where I feel unprepared.0
