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Falling into old habits
intenseze
Posts: 20
Hi all. I don't get on my computer much so I haven't been here for a while. I got some very unsettling news a couple of weeks ago and it has thrown me into a tailspin. My Mother has bought a home in Belize and will be moving there before the end of the year. I am an only child and I have the only two grandchildren she will ever have. She has been a major part of their lives since they were born and they have been very close to her. Her new husband has thrown all of this into chaos though. Since marrying him she no longer seems to care to see them often and now has decided that a couple of times a year will be sufficient. I'm devastated. Though our relationship has never been a good one, she's always been a good grandmother. She is the only family they or I have, and now she'll be thousands of miles away, in a country where she has no friends or family other than her husband. I know he has done this because he doesn't like me, and since he can't see his grandchildren I don't think he thinks she should need to see hers.
I've found myself eating late at night, and when I'm not hungry due to depression and anxiety. I'm still losing, but these aren't healthy foods and eventually it will stop. I don't sleep well anymore, and find myself worrying constantly that something will "happen" to her once they are there. She has made no provision for me in her will, everything my Father worked his whole life for will go to this man who truly seems to want a slave and not a spouse. I'm angry, hurt, and confused as to why in the world she would move so far away when she's finally retired and can spend more time with her grandchildren.
sorry, I needed to vent.
I've found myself eating late at night, and when I'm not hungry due to depression and anxiety. I'm still losing, but these aren't healthy foods and eventually it will stop. I don't sleep well anymore, and find myself worrying constantly that something will "happen" to her once they are there. She has made no provision for me in her will, everything my Father worked his whole life for will go to this man who truly seems to want a slave and not a spouse. I'm angry, hurt, and confused as to why in the world she would move so far away when she's finally retired and can spend more time with her grandchildren.
sorry, I needed to vent.
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Replies
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Sounds like you are feeling a lot of feelings that aren't yours! Talk to a therapist about codependency. I found that I am exactly the same--worrying so much about other people's actions and feelings that I wind up anxious and depressed and eating. Learning to let go helps. You can't change or control other people. You can only change your own response to them. Hope that helps.0
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Good morning! Karen hit the nail on the head! I am so glad you checked in with us. I think about you often and am following you on my news feed. When you first posted you really touched me and a lot of people so please know you have a lot of people cheering you on!
As I said, Karen is right. Your mother is grown now and has made her choice. I moved 3000 miles away from my whole family to be with a man no one really approved of and there was much more to him that they didn't see. They don't see our silly times together or how he is pretty.much the only man I can truly be 100% myself with. Now they have come around and me I made the right choice. They still want me back home but they want me to bring him too.
However, if this man really is terrible, you jus have to voice your concerns and if she doesn't listen, you have to let it go and take care of you. Its time for you. As I recall, you have been put on the back burner long enough. I used to worry worry worry about my whole family, healthy, mental and physical and the move and distance helped that tremendously! I am finally able to have a healthy relationship with them and focus on me and my own daughter and husband.
And I get the night eating. I'm up at 430 am to track the damage last night. Half my calories are gone for today but I'm going to swim and clean my butt off to make up for it. Not beat myself up and really reflect on what's bugging me lately or lacking. I'm thinking too many carbs during the day.0 -
Wow. I'm so sorry. That's a lot. While not to that extreme, I went through something similar with my dad. He had his retina partially detach on his eye, and combined with a debilitating job loss, he went spiraling into a depression. He had always been close with my daughter who was about 3-4 at the time. He kept her every other weekend. He was a crap dad but a great grandpa. When all that happened, our lives were never the same. He stopped doing much of anything, stopped spending time with my kiddo, stopped family events, and such. My now ex and I hit some huge financial speed bumps and moved out of state because his family was willing to help. My relationship with my dad was never quite the same. I wish you all the luck in the word, patience, self-love, healing energy, and love!! You'll need it all to get through this craziness with your sanity and self intact. Turn toward you kiddos, but don't put adult pressures on them - that is a mistake I personally made - not an assumption or accusation - just a warning.
Heather - I can totally understand the family not understanding your relationships. I've endured that all my life. Fighting WWIII over it now, actually. I hope they all come around, but if not, they are the ones missing out!
Hugs,
Carly0
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